Warning: This is A Venting About Tom Brady

"If your readers can determine in the first two paragraphs of your work if you are serious, joking, or just blowing hot hair, then you are not a writer."

~~~~~~~Dr. Hunter S. Thompson,

father of Gonzo Journalism.

Your task, my valued friends, followers, is to determine at the end of this hub what I am trying to convey to you.

No caption necessary. The entire world knows this person
No caption necessary. The entire world knows this person | Source

What this is and what it is not

This is not, believe me, a knock against Mr. Kraft, the owner of the NFL's New England Patriots. This is not a knock against humanity at large. And most certainly this is not a knock against the "sports darling," Tom Brady, for I most-assuredly do not want to be called before a Congressional Senate Hearing Committee because of something (my Freedom of Speech rights) said I could say.

Just want to vent my way to getting an "Editor's Choice," tag from HubPages. Call me selfish. Call me self-centered. Hey, it worked great for Ray Romano. At least I am honest. And if you recall, that worked quite well for Abe Lincoln.

Aaron Hernandez (left)  former teammate of Tom  Brady who was sentenced  to prison for murder, but if Hernandez had been smart, he would have hired Tom Brady to represent him in court. And with no legal training, Brady could have got him set free
Aaron Hernandez (left) former teammate of Tom Brady who was sentenced to prison for murder, but if Hernandez had been smart, he would have hired Tom Brady to represent him in court. And with no legal training, Brady could have got him set free | Source
Brady with game face on ready to win another one for himself
Brady with game face on ready to win another one for himself | Source

Are YOU a Tom Brady fan?

  • Undecided.
  • Yes.
  • No.
See results without voting

I'm at my wits end

Everywhere I look, there he is. Everywhere I go, there he is. He is even in a television commercial promoting some high-class (naturally) mattress guaranteed to give people the best sleep ever. Oh, this Tom Brady just couldn't help out a less-known mattress company and appear in their ads. Nooo. Brady had to be able to be seen identifying with an expensive, famous mattress. How pathetic. I can assure you that he did not do this for free.

Apparently, Brady loves money, fame, and popularity. Who doesn't. But no one, even his agent, lawyer, and press relations person, told him to look and act so arrogant when playing football, doing television ads or just walking his pedigree canines. And even that torques me. Brady just couldn't own a regular mutt like the rest of us. Nooo. "I'm Tom Brady. I can't have a dog that doesn't belong to people of priviledge. I need a poodle. Fans love poodles. And fans love me."

Brady looking aloof
Brady looking aloof | Source
Bridgete Moynahan, left, Brady's ex-wife, and Tom Brady flexing his arrogant smile
Bridgete Moynahan, left, Brady's ex-wife, and Tom Brady flexing his arrogant smile | Source
Brady in one of his hit fashion shoots
Brady in one of his hit fashion shoots | Source
Brady gets a laugh from watching someone of average lifestyle having to buy groceries or some meager task
Brady gets a laugh from watching someone of average lifestyle having to buy groceries or some meager task | Source

If you are a fan of Tom Brady, which would you love to do?

  • Run errands for him.
  • Clean his posh apartment for FREE.
  • Shoot photos of him.
  • Have lunch with him.
See results without voting

Brief Tom Brady bio, more fun facts

I did not have the nerve (or stomach) to give you an in-depth look at "Mr. Football," so I saved you and myself some time by providing this link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Brady provided you want to know the background of an athlete who thinks himself to be near-perfect. Hey, don't snarl at me. Deep down inside you know that I'm right.

Tom "Mr. Football" Brady's ex-wife is none other than Bridget Moynahan, "Erin Reagan-Boyle," on the now-canceled "Blue Bloods," once seen on CBS. I used to get a comical kick from watching Moynahan adjusting herself into one of many dramatic poses on the show. I guess that before each episode of "Blue Bloods" was shot, she was yakking at the director demanding, "be sure you get my best side now. Okay? If you don't, I can whine enough to have your job."

Brady's current wife is none other than talented, wealthy, sultry and smug, Gisele Bundchen, a Brazilian fashion model, actress, and producer. She is the Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations Environment Programme. Wow! Zippa-Dee-Do-Dah! It is true. Money begats money.
Neither Brady or his fashion model wife know what the term, "gaining weight," means. It' foreign to both of them who have professional chefs prepare their meals with just the right amount of healthy ingredients that will keep them healthy, wealthy, and ageless which will come as no surprise to me. Since the rise and fall of once-humble, Michael Jordan, "the" star of the NBA's Chicago Bulls, nothing that happens in the lives of the wealthy and smug shocks me. This statement also lends itself to Justin Beiber who I wish would just simply grow up. Please! We, the older, wiser citizens of Planet Earth cannot tolerate another "camera hog" who thinks he is God's best creation.

Here are some more Tom Brady truths: It is like every word from his pursed lips is the gospel. No chance of being wrong. No, sir. Everything Brady thinks about or gets involved in succeeds big time. Brady walks a perfect walk in and out of the spotlight, but seldom is he ever out of the spotlight for each time I visit my local Walmart, I see his arrogant face or the arrogant faces of him with his wife on some magazine cover. Fact: I do not own any issue of any magazine with Tom or Gisele on the cover. I am very proud of this.

I truly believe that if Tom Brady decided to sell his excrement, (that probably smells of the inside of a bank vault or brand new car), his adoring, gullible fans would lap it up like hungry dogs in from a day's fox hunt. I do not want Brady to come to this level of jaded lifestyle, but I would win and win big if I were to bet on people buying his feces or not. Las Vegas book makers would love me.

Tom with Gisele Bundchen, Brady's fashion model wife. A power couple? Yes.
Tom with Gisele Bundchen, Brady's fashion model wife. A power couple? Yes. | Source
Tom with his dad, Tom Brady, Sr
Tom with his dad, Tom Brady, Sr | Source
Brady seen with national brand name seen in background
Brady seen with national brand name seen in background | Source
Oh, look out! Here is Brady in another hit photo shoot
Oh, look out! Here is Brady in another hit photo shoot | Source

Brady? Guilty of Deflate-gate?

Are you serious? Tom Brady? Guilty, of even thinking of a slick way to win the Super Bowl against the Seattle Seahawks? No way. You must think Brady is some kind of human. Well, apparently he isn't for no such thoughts ever enter his perfect mindsets.
If such thoughts did surface in his mind, of course they won't, but if they did, Brady fears that even thinking such thoughts might tarnish his GQ looks that he gets paid big bales of money for "that" smug look over the collar of an expensive all-weather coat. Don't look at me with that glare on your mug. You know it's true.

So rest assured, Tom Brady "might" draw a penalty for some minor infraction during a futile football game, but him thinking or even participating (excuse me. I feel faint) in such shady dealings just to win a game is unthinkable. I am even amazed that the producers of the hit film, "Batman vs Superman" didn't cast Brady as Superman. Honest. With his perfect diction and looks, he could have easily pulled it off without all of that grueling rehearsing that average actors (like Ben Affleck, who was Batman) have to endure to get their lines perfect.

Happy and arrogant Tom Brady shows off his Super Bowl rings
Happy and arrogant Tom Brady shows off his Super Bowl rings | Source
Brady trying to look intimidating before a game
Brady trying to look intimidating before a game | Source
(From left), Brady's mom,  Galynn Patricia, Tom,  and Tom sr
(From left), Brady's mom, Galynn Patricia, Tom, and Tom sr | Source

My take on Tom Brady

I am not a psychiatrist. Nor am I a clinically-trained therapist. Never claimed to be, but probably the underlying reason that Tom Brady is the way he is may be because he was a weakling, beaten-up by bullies at school when he was a kid. Or his parents drove him to be better than the people around him. Okay, Mr. Tom Brady, Sr., and Gaylynn Patricia Brady, your glowing son, Tom has more than achieved your wildest wishes. You should be kneeling at his feet worshiping his sharp, chiseled chin. Really. That gesture in today's society would not be out of the norm. I would even pay a nominal fee to see you do that for Tommy, the super-successful athlete, businessman, and dad.

We might assume that Tom Brady is an only child, but we would assume wrong. He has siblings named: Julie Brady, Nancy Brady, Maureen Brady. I do not know or care if Tom Brady is the oldest or youngest of the Brady kids. I have never seen his sisters on television, so I cannot, with an honest view, say to you that they are as arrogant, smug and above us all like brother, Tom lives his life.

Tom Brady and Gisele Bunchen, have two children, six-year-old son Benjamin Rein, born Dec. 8, 2009, and three-year-old daughter Vivian Lake, born Dec. 5, 2012. Odds are as life may have it for these two kids of the most-popular people in the world, Benjamin and Vivian may also live a life of privilege, but that will not be their fault. Children only live what they see and are taught.

 Brady's youngest son,  Benjamin and a happy Tom Brady at Super Bowl  parade 2015
Brady's youngest son, Benjamin and a happy Tom Brady at Super Bowl parade 2015 | Source

I guess I need to be more humane

In my thinking toward Tom Brady. And folks, if I had enough cash and influence, I would surely get the help that I need, but I say this in all of the humility that is in me: "I am positive that "I" am not the only person in America who has these thoughts about Tom Brady."

Could be there is something terribly wrong with "us," being that we do not all but soil ourselves when we see Tom Brady on television or lose our self-control and run from house-to-house in our neighborhood shouting, "Hey, I just seen a football god! Tom Brady is on my set right now!" But, sorry, Tom Brady, Sr. and wife, Gaylynn Patricia, I haven't been guility of doing this, nor will I ever be hauled into any court of law for doing something as asinine as this. Bank on it.
Did Tom Brady lose "any" Super Bowl?

I will let the record speak for itself.

Feb. 03, 2008: Lost to New York Giants, 17-14.
Feb. 05, 2012: Lost to New York Giants, 21-17.

Eli, this was just for you.

Eli Manning, humble, talented quarterback of NFL's New York Giants
Eli Manning, humble, talented quarterback of NFL's New York Giants | Source
Ray Romano
Ray Romano | Source
Britney Spears
Britney Spears | Source
Justin Bieber
Justin Bieber | Source

Summary (I can hear your applause)

You have walked with me down this road before in past hub adventures of how my schooldays were smashed by a team of elitists who tormented me and my kind simply because we came from working class families and did not have as much wealth as they did.

How could I feel more loving toward Tom Brady? Simple really. I would love to see a "genuine" Tom Brady who owns being human and endowed with some of the same faults we other humans wage war against each day.

I am not fearful of anyone to admit that I simply do not know how to react, cope, or talk to people such as Tom Brady, Justin Bieber, Ashton Kutcher, Michael Jordan, and oh, yeah, Ray Ramano (can't forget this narcissist), and more like these. I know that when I eventually say a few words to them just from a courteous standpoint, they will instantly judge me by what I say, how I say it and how they do not care about what I say. There it is in a nutshell. So there is really no point to my kind of a lower level of life associating with the elite like Brady and the ones I listed. "We" of the lower level of life simply do not have the means to be as popular, talented, and okay, charmed, as Tom Brady, Britney Spears, (oops, I mentioned her again) and more.

So someone in HubLand "please," tell me how Brady and Gisele communicate with each other while in their posh, security-bound apartment? This, my friends, is fodder for my favorite actor and singer, Robert "Music Man" Preston. "Yes, sir. ya' got trouble--that rhymes with "t" and that stands for Brady. Tom Brady communicating with his wealthy, smug fashion model wife simply by using his designer eyebrows. Yeah. That's GQ alright. All of the social registers in and around New York and other social holes will be talking via eyebrows just because Tom Brady does this with Gisele.

One eyebrow raised means Brady likes the idea of hiring another servant to warm his commode seat in winter time. Both eyebrows raised means Gisele is expressing her surprise at Tom not running for President of The United States and winning by a landslide and without doing any campaigning at all.

Tom, if you are reading this, I don't ask for much out of this life. Really? I only ask one thing from you: I would love to see an humble Tom Brady, not a more-humble Tom Brady. You first have to be "humble" in the singular sense before you can grow to a level of "more" humble. I would be content to just see you saying something like this: "I am not the New England Patriots. My coaches, coordinators, defensive, offensive lines and our special teams are to be thanked and credited as well as my fans for giving me the big head that I have."

That would do it.

Good night, Montgomery, Alabama.

© 2016 Kenneth Avery

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Comments 4 comments

lions44 profile image

lions44 6 months ago from Auburn, WA

KA, you know my feelings on Brady. I think he's been maligned greatly because he is successful and married well. Anyone who has achieved great things is no longer held up as an example to follow, but to tear down. When I wrote my hub on Brady, I got some nasty comments. It's amazing. But your piece was funny, as always.


Gener Benter profile image

Gener Benter 6 months ago from Mapayapa Village, Pulanlupa, Las Pinas City, Philippines

I love reading your piece about Brady. You're so eloquent and gave him the real sense of wonder. Congrats!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 6 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Gener Benter,

I am very humbled at your comments. Thank you, kind friend, and I pray that God blesses you richly for making me feel great.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 6 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

lions44,

First of all, I admire you for taking the courage to do a Pro-Brady hub. I do not know why the nasty comments, but you have my respect.

Thanks for what you said about my Brady offering.

I admit that I am not in your league as a hubber, but my friend, I am trying hard to improve.

Peace.

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    kenneth avery profile image

    Kenneth Avery1,546 Followers
    1,263 Articles

    Kenneth has been a member of HubPages for five years. He is retired from a 23-year career in the weekly newspaper business.



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