What Cheerleaders Are Thinking When They Are Not Cheering

I am the first, without apology, to admit that being a cheerleader, female or male, is tough with a capital "T." Many uneducated males used to sit not only in judgement of male students who went out for the cheer-leading squad and went to the games for the sole reason of making fun of "this" guy who had more guts than these gawkers ever dreamed in having.

I don't know who said that cheer-leading was easy, but there is no other word besides "idiot," who had little enough sense to make such an asinine statement. Cheerleaders have to spend countless grueling hours of practice on campus and in cheerleader camps where professional trainers actually put these tough ladies "through the grinder," with intricate routines, jumping, somersault's, and the dangerous "pyramid building."

On top of the physical and mental disciplining involved for a girl or guy to be a cheerleader, there is a lot of personal sacrifice to be made on their parts. No more riding around, hanging out with friends whenever the urge hits. A person who has the dream of becoming a cheerleader had better be prepared for lots of painful sacrifice, tough disciplines and training and the ability to start over when defeat attacks even the most-dedicated cheerleader wannabe's.

No. Cheerleading is not for wimps.

As it pertains to cheerleaders. Follow me a moment. When we watch them in person or on television cheering their hearts out for a team who has no chance of winning two out of ten games the entire season, but the cheer-leading squad go forward undaunted. I admire that.

But sometime in their time on the sidelines, there comes "a" time when they stand, sit, or lean against the chain-link fence (most schools have surrounding their football fields), and looks to me like these pretty cheerleaders are thinking. What? I do not know.

I do have several ideas. I call this list . . .

What Cheerleaders Are Thinking When They Are Not Cheering

Note: these thoughts are from male and female cheerleaders. Your job, if you want it, is to decide which gender had each thought.

• "Dear God, please let Julie fall off our pyramid, but like, do not like her get hurt that much. Just like, let her get hurt enough so "I" can step up to head cheerleader."
• "Now did I put on clean underwear after I showered or did I put my dirty ones back on?"
• "I wish I knew what was pinching my butt each time Bruce lifts me into the air."
• "I wish that Bruce would stop pinching my butt when he lifts me up. I think he thinks that I will be enamored by his confident moves and date him."
• "I hate that guy sitting on row 12. He looks like an elderly Al Pacino."
• "Is Chrissie for real, wearing fake eyelashes and nails? We all know that she likes girls. What is she trying to do? Trying to keep her being a lesbian a secret?"
• "I wish this "game" were over so we could stop yelling these stupid cheers. The visiting team is slaughtering our guys so please, clock! Hurry up!"
• "Uh, oh! There's my "ex" with that slut, Annie. Her name is written under more bridges and bathroom walls than any other slut in our school history."
• "Annie and my "ex" are just made for each other."
• "Now that I think of it, my "ex" sure looks good in flannel. I know that I could get him back with no trouble, but I am not stooping to Annie's cheap level."
• "Does Margena think that all guys love looking at her butt? She is first to volunteer everytime we do the "cheerleader toss."
• "I would kill for a slice of pizza and a cold beer."
• "The cheerleaders for the opposite team all look like Playboy bunnies."
• "Hey, one of those hotties is staring right at me. But that is natural. After all, I am "the" sexisest cheerleader on this squad."
• "I wonder about that couple sitting in row 22. I think she cheats on her husband. Sure wish she would cheat with me."
• "What's this? Overtime? The other team was kicking our butts! Comeback? What comeback?"
• "I wish that man standing at the fence would stop ogling me and licking his lips."
• "I hate every girl on this squad. Just because they all went on a "group diet" and lost a lot of weight that makes them hotter than me? Noooo way."
• "I wonder how my life would have been if I had begged my mom to let me go out for majorette."
• "Hey, where did Annie the slut get off to? My "ex" is sitting by himself and he looks so lonely."
• "Whatttt? Game over! We won! Hmmm, wonder if my "ex" would drive me home?"
• "This turned out to be an awesome night."

"Hip! Hip! Hooo-Ray

for ALL cheerleaders in and out of my following."

Sincerely,

Kenneth