5 Gross Things That Women Wear

(Warning: Don't listen to me. I am a weird guy and don't have average tastes. Most men probably like this stuff [or at least they say they do], so by all means continue to wear these things for their benefit. It just won't impress me, that's all.)

It's really not my place to talk about fashion, but someone, somewhere has to agree: There are a number of articles of clothing, footwear, and cosmetics that are horrendously popular in spite of the fact that they make women look displeasing to the eye or just downright gross-looking. Who in their right mind, really, invented these things and thought them to be sexy or attractive?

And why does it seem like I'm the only one who thinks these things?

Photo by Dan Stewart (http://flickr.com/photos/91042586@N00)
Photo by Dan Stewart (http://flickr.com/photos/91042586@N00)

1 - Shirts with a really low neckline, so that a girl's cleavage is blatantly exposed

Shirts that just have, by default, a really low neckline that exposes nearly everything makes a girl look a little too indiscriminate about who glances at her goods, but, more importantly, cleavage of the chest (or any kind of cleavage, really) looks too much like a plumber's crack. Am I the only one? When I see two chest mounds squished together in a tiny blouse, it just makes me think that I'm looking at two long, sagging bum cheeks pressed against each other.

This is different from "accidental" chest exposure; this is when a girl wears a shirt that covers her assets, but she accidentally flashes you some when she leans over to pick something up. In such a case, anything from partial to full exposure is acceptable, so long as it was either an accident or it was on purpose, but only meant for one person to see. It doesn't seem like sleazy or attention-seeking behavior that way and, again more importantly, they're not squished together so they don't look like a butt crack.

Also better than cleavage is just normal, full exposure. Just don't wear a shirt at all if you want us to see what you have, ladies. It's okay: Men do it all the time. Enough with the fake coyness--just go shirtless.

2 - Thong underwear / thong bikinis

I must be out of my mind, because I don't know why anyone would find these things attractive on someone, but everyone else seems to love them. Maybe I'm OCD, because the first thing I think of when I see a string threaded between someone's nether cheeks is...

"I hope she wipes thoroughly."

Does no one else think thong underwear is gross and possibly unsanitary? Is there anyone else who can't help but get mental images of said underwear rubbing all over the girl's unkempt exit hole? Please, Jesus, let me not be the only one!

Photo by Kajaste
Photo by Kajaste

3 - Really High Heels

Especially the ones with toe-cleavage, for reasons outlined above (It looks like a butt...on your toes.).

But what's so gross about high heels?

It's not all high heels, only the very tall ones and the ones that exist for the sole purpose of sex appeal.

It's not so much that they're gross, it's just that they make no sense. It looks really hard to walk in them. I've seen women who are unused to them stumbling around. How is that sexy? High heels make a girl seem like she's trying too hard to look alluring, to the extent that she's willing to put her life in danger and her feet in perpetual discomfort. Having to wear Dr. Scholl's corn remover is not attractive.

Stop it. Wear sandals.

4 - Jeans/Pants so tight that her butt/waist spills over the sides

When pants, jeans in particular, are so tight that they're squeezing flesh up and over the waistline, it just looks like an overstuffed tube of toothpaste, and seems like the pants themselves are disrespecting the girl's body and calling her too big for them.

Wearing something like that implies that the girl has something to show us, but is not brave enough to do so in a blatant manner. It's cowardly.

Just don't wear pants if your pants are so tight that we can see the outline of everything in them anyway. Just walk around naked. It's okay; I don't mind.

5 - Makeup and Strong Perfume

Why should a girl hide her face? If you're going to know her for any substantial length of time, you're going to see it anyway, and it often looks better natural.

Girls just shouldn't wear makeup at all. It looks artificial and when you're close to her face, it smells funny.

And speaking of funny smells...

Almost all kinds of perfume are too strong and cover up a girls natural feminine smell. I think more people can agree with me here: Men have a gross, strong smell--just the fact that women have a much fainter scent in and of itself is instantly appealing. If she covers up the faint scent of womanliness with something that makes your scent glands explode from chemical exposure, then she's sabotaging her own powers of seduction.

So what do you say? Am I the only one? Really? Yeah, I thought so.

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Comments 44 comments

poetvix profile image

poetvix 6 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country.

This was really kewl to see fashion from a guy's perspective. Have to say the "plumber's crack" thing about the shirts had me laughing in the real. Thongs are torture devices that should be outlawed. Smelly perfume makes me gag and too much makeup just looks cheap. Too tight jeans make it where you just can't breath so all in all, as a girl, I have to say I agree with most of what you said for different reasons than why you stated it.

Gotta argue the heels thing though. But then, I'm a heels addict... it's connected to the gene for being female I think.

Great work and thanks for a glimpse into the male thoughts.

thehands profile image

thehands 6 years ago Author

*snap* Awww, just my luck that one of the better of my recent hubs gets flagged. I think it was "unkempt exit hole" that did it.

Oh well. I like it the way it is, and it will remain so, even if the ads must be off. Though it is a darn shame, I tell you.

Oh, and thanks for the comment poetvix!

rgarnett profile image

rgarnett 6 years ago from KC, MO

This made me LOL. I think that you have a different point of view than most men, but its interesting. I thought for sure you would going into something else, but your logic on these things have good points. Some of the women in the world should take your advice, perhaps they would give a better perception of themselves. First impressions are important as they say.

Lady Intrigue 6 years ago from KS

I agree with all of these sentiments! Especially perfume, I cant stand it!

It is good to know that we can be attractive and not have to be squished, wedgied, caked, and smelly all on top of broken ankles.

Jason R. Manning profile image

Jason R. Manning 6 years ago from Sacramento, California


Well, number one depends on how well a women carries herself, if she is not generously endowed, then it isn’t as obvious. However, if she is carrying two bulging wine skins, then I agree.

I am neutral about number two, if it is hidden and only revealed in private, then again, to each his own.

I disagree about high heels my friend, they way they accentuate calf and thigh muscles...mmmmn “donuts.”

I couldn’t agree more about muffin tops, guy or girl, no one wants to see someone pulling off a Shar Pei look with their jeans.

Lastly, you are 100% dead on about the ode de toilet of the latest Wal-Mart special.

Funny hub…Up!

scarletquill99 profile image

scarletquill99 6 years ago from Australia

I hate 'too high' heels. I'm not going to spend all day walking like a freaking duck to please people. I like a nice short chunky heel on a pair of boots as I'm only 5 foot 4, so it's nice to gain a tiny bit of height occasionally when you go out or to a special event...but I don't do go any higher than 2 inches in shoes at all! They are just far too uncomfortable, and girls...you just look stupid even if you *think* you can walk well in them! Don't kid yourself that you can walk in them because, frankly, you still look lame trotting along not being able to take your proper stride. Sucks to be you.

But I disagree with you about the makeup - you wouldn't 'love' the 'natural' look if you realised exactly what some women were using the makeup to cover up. But for many girls, a bit of powder and blush is just the last touch they like to do before they leave the house to make their skin-tone even and give them that extra confidence before they go out! And after all, how do you expect women to look 'polished and professional' for work if they have blemishes etc on their face...but that said, I HATE thick disgusting eyeshadow, ugh...girls...that's gross, and eyeliner that looks like you smudged a black crayon on your eyes, a tiny bit of mascara looks nice but that's all you need to make your eyes stand out. And a tinted chapstick to keep your lips moisturised and add a tiny amount of colour is fine, but blotchy stupidly coloured lipsticks are just icky.

But perfume, that's a personal choice - many girls might not like the smell of a certain cologne on men...it's all subjective. If someone likes a scent, there is no reason they shouldn't wear it.

daktari profile image

daktari 6 years ago

Haha this was a great read, quite an interesting perspective you have. I couldn't agree with you more on #4 and the too high high heels.

evvy_09 profile image

evvy_09 6 years ago from Athens, AL

I hate foundation, just a lil powder, eyeshadow, mascara and tinted chapstick is great. Stiletto heels, definitely not. But I feel like I walk better in small heels that regular shoes. All my sneakers have a slight bulge in the side where I tend to walk on the side of my shoes. Even barefoot I tend to tiptoe without thinking. Great hub and funny

Tom Bri 6 years ago

I agree with this Hub, with the exception of the low-cut tops. I like cleavage.

Perfume and makeup is just yuck. Very few women seem to have the sense to use them lightly, just hints.

High heels, low-cut jeans, thongs, no thanks. To wear these things you have to have a perfect body for them, and hardly anyone does, so they just look lame.

ReuVera profile image

ReuVera 6 years ago from USA

Thank you for a laugh. You made some great points! Most of the women overdo in all these areas. And many of them just don't know how to wear high heels, no, they don't.

Ronala 6 years ago

Hey man. This was really a great piece of work. I suggest our female friends can all get to read it and pick good advice. For a while it has really been a total shame to them without taking note of it. Atleast you have had great points put forward to me so that those i could not tell can always get to read and pick sense.

its not to say that we donot want what our sisters are endowed with, they should however know when and how to dress what. the cleavage thing and the thong should always be kept for home to be exposed to husands.

Its also ideal that some men who also put on long staying fumes, sleevlesses for public places and more so in eating areas should refrain from it.

scarletquill99 profile image

scarletquill99 6 years ago from Australia

That's such a great point Tom and ReuVera, so many girls just go overboard with *everything*! It just all adds up and looks too much! Looking understated is so much prettier anyway - there's nothing wrong with wanting to look nice, but caked on eye-makeup and crazily-high heels are just tacky.

These things are meant to enhance your natural beauty, not hide it or tart it up so much you don't even look like yourself anymore.

PDXBuys profile image

PDXBuys 6 years ago from Oregon

In the end, the way a woman talks and uses eye contact is far more appealing than anything she wears, in my opinion. The rest is icing on the cake.

ryokowaren profile image

ryokowaren 6 years ago from USA

Great article. I agree on the pants thing. I don't see why anyone wants to show of their "muffin top". If you put on a pair of jeans and you have a muffin top, the jeans are too small for you.

andycool profile image

andycool 6 years ago from the U.S.

Great... it's is really a comedy stuff with full of facts! I've enjoyed thoroughly. Plumber's crack is what made me laugh at the midnight. My wife asked me, "Why are you laughing... just go to bed!" I showed her what you wrote and she started laughing instantly! Jokes apart, cleavage created out of nothing is really disgusting! I agree that sometimes it does look like a crack on the butt. And I feel really sorry for them who try to seek attention in this way! But there exists a big audience for them and that is fact.

lyjo 6 years ago

Absolutely Awesome....and my husband and both sons would agree....they all think its quite skanky....lucky for me after all these years my husband still thinks I look so cute first thing in the morning.....my hair all over the place...sleepy eyes and all...I think most decent people would agree with your hub....besides all that stuff you mentioned is really only good for one thing? Right?....most people really can't live on that....life gets in the way...Right?

Allan Douglas profile image

Allan Douglas 6 years ago from Great Smoky Mountains, Tennessee

Nope, not the only one. I hsve to sgree with all that - though I never made the cleavage-butt crack association before. I just think it makes a woman look skanky to be putting her goods on full display. Most perfule makes me gag. Might not if they's use just a little, but...

Unique hub, great thoughts. Thanks for saying what most of us think anyway.

Kyle 6 years ago

hahahahaha this is great!

I feel the same exact way about every single one of these.

Sometimes (with girls that are my friends, not complete strangers), I'll stare at their cleavage for a few seconds until they notice. Then they say "ewwww don't look at my boobs!!" - and I say "Your the one who's showing them to everyone!"

haha it's like seriously, why get mad and try to cover them with your hands when someone looks. It would be like me walking around naked and yelling at people when they look at my private parts!

Great hub =)

Jordan 6 years ago

The only one I can agree with is strong perfume. All the others can be avoided by looking away!

stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 6 years ago from Australia

Great Hub, and I got a real giggle out of the term you used about 'peep-toe' shoes "Toe Cleavage" how funny!

livinlargenla profile image

livinlargenla 6 years ago

awesome! I agree with your points (except peep-toes don't bother me). I can't carry on a conversation with a woman who has her stuff all hanging out. (I'm a woman-it's nice to know that not all men want to see all that foolishness.) And butt floss and spike heals are absolutely not for me.

pageantgirl31413 profile image

pageantgirl31413 6 years ago from England

My husband would agree with you (except the thongs, he loves those)! I am very modest in how I dress, can't wear heels next to him since we are the same height and I rarely wear makeup because he doesn't like it on me at all. I can't wear perfume because of migraines so I am set lol.

As for the jeans, women need to realize that smaller is NOT always better. Finding something flattering and in your ACTUAL size will make you look skinnier while choosing something smaller with it falling over the sides will make you look heavier and will bring attention to areas you do not want attention on.

bey 6 years ago

All i can say is that "i agree". Women who wants to gain respect should carry themselves well.Fashion may be one of the way 2 express oneself but then after all we must know its limitation.

soulfulbadboy 6 years ago

Huh, I agree with all these. Girls only wear these for attractive mens. When they find them at a contact place, they jump over these and make them as an angel but in fact they are not so.(some of them)

They have to change this, be like as they are, what God had given them.

Ingenira profile image

Ingenira 6 years ago

So funny... I bet this hub will hit 100 one day.

Perhaps you should put up two votes, separately for men and women, and see what the statistic say.

breakingnews profile image

breakingnews 6 years ago from Pakistan

great piece of work and sharring

TheMMAZone profile image

TheMMAZone 6 years ago from Kansas

Great hub and very hilarious. Love it!

sazbou 6 years ago

i agree with you^^

Morpheus 6 years ago

6. Invisible bra straps. Invisible? We can ALL see them.

sameerk profile image

sameerk 6 years ago from India

No I dont agree with it becoz I like it when girls expose

Contrice 6 years ago

I don't mind the thong underwear but I do absolutely, totally and completely hate thong bikinis. I just do not see the purpose of walking around in public with your butt completely out. I'm also very much with you the dislike for too tight pants that cause love handles to stick out more then they already do...GET SOME BIGGER PANTS MUFFIN TOP! and women who wear extremely high heels. I mean really, who are you trying to impress and you're hurting yourself. I like heels to a certain extent, however if they are taller than four inches...I don't want them.

staff 6 years ago

I think you should shut up. because you are gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ugly face 6 years ago

I think guys who are ugly should just be gay and not have a girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)

thehands profile image

thehands 6 years ago Author

@Staff and Ugly Face

Best. Comments. Ever.

lmao You just totally made my afternoon.

skeltofe profile image

skeltofe 6 years ago

good job!:-)

AutumnLockwood profile image

AutumnLockwood 5 years ago from Northern California

Makes sense. Though some guys wont agree, but you make some good points.

Sun-Girl profile image

Sun-Girl 5 years ago from Nigeria

Lots of good work and well done job in here which i so much enjoyed reading.

maha 5 years ago

hey ... you are not the only one dear. love you for what you said. I am a girl and I myself hate all of those you said.

maha 5 years ago

I don't like it when people bath in perfume.

but hey ... a light slight perfume is OK.

tingy1 4 years ago

yeah but most women wear perfume and high heel, those heels in the picture wasn't even high. but admitadly the other things were silly and wrong to wear but hey, women can wear what they want to wear so, just for futer referance DO NOT JUDGE THEM BY WHAT THE WAER!!!!!!!!

thehands profile image

thehands 4 years ago Author

@tingy1: The picture with the high heels was not meant to illustrate very tall high heels, it was meant to illustrate the dreaded TOE CLEAVAGE, which is visible at the corner of the shoe.

Thea 4 years ago

You know, just because a girl wears a shirt with a low neckline, it doesn't mean she's "showing you her boobs". I don't automatically think a guy is trying to show off his muscles if hes wearing a sleeveless shirt, or showing off his dick if he's wearing right pants. Maybe she just likes how to shirt looks.

savvydating profile image

savvydating 3 years ago

This is funny stuff! Who knew that some men don't like cleavage, but the way you put it, well, it does sounds sort of icky in a stuck-together kind of way. As for high heels, I'll have to disagree with you there, but hey, we can agree to disagree... ;)

Now for the make up thing, when most guys say they don't like make up, they're really saying they don't like a lot of make up, or that they like make-up that looks natural. Personally, I thank God everyday for foundation, under eye cover, and lipstick, since I prefer not to have people accuse me of trying to scare them. Yes, I exaggerate, but you get what I mean...

And while I'm on a roll, be sure to buy your girlfriend some Daisy, by Marc Jacobs. It's not heavy... rather it is as light and lovely as a spring day. Yes, it's perfume. French. It'll cost you a bundle.

Anyhoo, I digress, but just want to say again that I think this hub is hilarious, and it has some real truth to it too! The part about wearing thongs cracked me up. Keep up the good work!

I Lucia 2 years ago

Agree with two of your gripes: strong perfume (migraine trigger which ruins my workday or social event.) Also thongs: Who thought that jamming a G-string up into our sweatiest, fruitiest parts, imparting an all-day wedgy on ourselves, would be considered "progress"?

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