Beard Nouveau | The Next Generation of Bearded Men
At some point in the 80's, in the dusty haze of a million cocaine fueled parties, the male beard fell out of fashion for every one but the most extremely pious or extremely extremist . (The Amish, traditional Jewish men, and of course, everyone's favorite, the Taliban.) But beards may be making a comeback, at least in this Lady Gaga parody video in which several of the young, certifiably attractive young men are wearing beards that would have made Charles Darwin shed a tear of joy.
I'm aware that many bearded men still stalk the highways and by ways of the modern world, but it was this brazen display of bearded glory that made me consider the possibility that not all young bearded men have to also be homeless, mad, or in some way disastrously impaired.
Talkin' Beards, a cable access show that was sadly never picked up by a major network, devoted its televisual life to men who sported beards.
Why grow a beard if you're a man? Well, simply being able to grow a lush, thick beard is a sign of high levels of what scientists are coming to call “manlyness juice.” Younger men, and indeed, some fully grown men are unable to truly cultivate a wild bushy mop on their lower face, so the very ability to grow a beard is something that should be prized in and of itself.
Also, in this day and age in which men are trending towards the more effeminate and women are claiming that they can do anything, why not show the world what a real man looks like, and challenge the lovely lady in your life to grow a beard. You can then kill two birds with one stone, proving your masculinity in the way God truly intended, and showing the lady in your life that you truly are the one who wears the beard, if not the pants, in the relationship.
Bearded men can undertake all the same activities that unbearded men can undertake, and indeed, perhaps more. A clean shaven man is almost useless as a spy deep in the Hindu Kush, however a man who sports a beard is always at the ready if his government should call upon him to infiltrate a terrorist cell.
In Switzerland, all men are required to maintain a basic level of military training and to keep their rifles at home. Perhaps it is time that keeping and maintaining a healthy beard was added to those requirements. And perhaps it is time that all men grew luxurious bears, curled their whiskers and regained the glamor of the masculine expression that is exuberant facial hair.
