Bikini Jeans

Those wacky Japanese.... look at what they've done to your favorite Levis. These have actually been around for awhile, but I only just heard of them -- so here you go. Bikini Jeans are, essentially, the perfect bit of fluff for your average tart. While I've not actually seen a pair of these in person, I could name half a dozen females who'd happily wear these. Britney comes to mind. So does Christina. And maybe a few Desperate Housewives.

The makers of these pants claim this is Brazilian style... I'm not sure I agree with that. I mean, yeah, lots of Brazilian women have no qualms about being half-clad, and I realize loads of Brazilian women traipse across the beach wearing bikinis paired with jeans that barely cover half a cheek -- but I can't believe that they could really be so fashion challenged as to wear jeans created for the sake of mimicking that look. The whole point of that look is effortless sex appeal; these jeans are just too deliberate.

That, and I think most people would find them a bit skanky. They remind me of those horrible, airbrushed-on jeans the school tart used to wear. Sure, all the boys loved her. And left her. Call me old-fashioned, but I think there are better, sexier ways to dress the female body.

Nevertheless, I realize some women will see this and find them charming. You're probably the same chicks who used Aquanet hairspray and wore fluorescent pink sweaters back in elementary school. But hey, you're entitled to dress however you please.

The jeans themselves are labeled as stretch material -- this is probably a good thing, since these styles always seem to be worn by woman who really have no business wearing them. And yes, I count myself one of them -- if you think muffin-tops are bad, imagine the arse-overflow a big-bootied woman would be sporting.

I'm not sure if you're supposed to wear underwear with these, either. And what happens if they untie at the hip? The whole point of those ties is to hold the pants up, cos their too low to manage on their own. I dunno about you, but I know a whole lot of men who'd be far too tempted to rush up behind a woman wearing these and untie them. And if it's a teenager wearing them to high school?? Getting "pantsed" was humiliating enough!

Cost: $88 at www.Sannas.jp