Blast Your Face with the Schick Hydro

Face Blasting with the Schick Hydro

Modern advertising strategies brilliantly manipulate civilization into fretting over beard stubble. Somehow we sink to undesirable levels of uncouthness should our faces turn rough and scratchy. We understand than polite society will shun us. We fear that our chances of becoming an Internet Millionaire shrink to zero.

Fret no more. The Schick Hydro offers relief from potential social embarrassment. Scrape the thing across your face for instant remedy. Live your life in smooth creamy comfort while advancing up the corporate ladder.

Schick razors provide the ultimate face blasting experience. Pray, what is involved in blasting a face? Using sharpened edges of steel to excise tiny hairs from the front of your head seems to be a rather delicate operation. 'Blasting' might not be an appropriate action verb. Does the Schick Hydro come packaged with a fire-hose? Does the pre-shave process require a slathering of C4?

Face Blasting is Very Cool

Executing the face blast turns out to be a really cool process. We learn this by studying the Schick Hydro packaging. Blue hues predominate. Blue is a cooling and soothing color. It hints at refreshing ocean waves, clear cloudless skies, and smooth beardless cheeks. Red, on the other hand, is hot, aggressive, and unattractive. Numerous attempts at shipping shaving razors in red packaging have resulted in numerous corporate layoffs.

Blast Your Face with the Schick Hydro
Blast Your Face with the Schick Hydro

The Origins of Face Blasting

We take you deep inside Schick Hydro headquarters. Highly skilled engineering psychologists host focus groups designed to identify optimal face blasting marketing:

Shick Dude: What do you think of this blue packaging? Does it make you want to blast your face with a disposable razor?

Teenage Boy With Disposable Income: Yes, I will blast my face with whatever is in that package.

Shick Dude: How do you feel if your face isn't blasted?

TBWDI: I feel like a social outcast who will never get a date or graduate from technical college.

Schick Dude: Thank You. Pick up a free sample of Axe on your way out.

How Much Would You Pay?

Packaging is king, but pricing is the court jester. No one take pricing seriously since Schick Face Blasting coupons can be found on every virtual street corner. No one pays retail anymore, unless it's the night of the Senior Prom and there's no blue packaging in the house.

Look online for Schick Hydro coupons designed with a coordinated cool blue motif. Download the coupons, print them on the nearest ink jet printer, and get thee to Wal Mart for deep discounts. Blast your face and save money at the same time.

Conclusion

Optimal face scraping cannot be achieved without highly marketed devices in cool blue packaging. Maintain your social standing by riding the face blasting wave of the Schick Hydro.

Disclaimer

This article should not be construed as an endorsement of fire hoses, C4, or any other non-FDA approved method of facial hair removal. Shave at your own risk. Razors are sharp. The Schick Hydro is both sharp and extremely cool.

Schick® , and Hydro™ are copyrights and trademarks of their respective companies. The author receives no remuneration or any other compensation from any manufacturer beyond the ads that may or may not appear on this page.

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Comments 7 comments

Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV

Nicomp,

At my age I don't care how much stubble I accumulate. I shave when I feel like and not one time more!!!!!!!!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Tom Whitworth: Please stay out of the focus group.


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

Turn those cool blue plastic handles and packages pink, and lo and behold -- leg blasters, for women, too have come to understand, emerging into polite society with the downy soft hairs nature provided is as devastating to one's status as actually smelling like a human.

And underarms. And ... What color packing do we need for public blasters?


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

Can we use this item as a weapon against the enemy? Any enemy? Please respond quickly as I am holding my breath awaiting your response.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@drbj: We at the Institute for the Painfully Obvious are avowed pacifists. We also adore the Atlantic and Indian, but that's another topic for another hub.


lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

Wow! won't come back here again.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@lmmartin: We miss you.

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