Do Not Go Sleeveless After Forty Just Trust Me On This One
Just Say, "No" To Sleeveless! - Don't Get Me Started!
In talking with a friend recently who is about my age, she was telling me about this dinner party she went to and how everyone there was telling her how pretty she looked. She was thrilled as she knew she was carrying extra weight but alas, she thought that the camouflage she had draped herself in had managed to fool the public. When she excused herself and went into the bathroom, there was the dreaded full length mirror. Taking a glance and then a real look, she saw what they saw and it wasn't pretty at all. In fact, she thinks that they were giving her the "you look so pretty" pity party instead of honest comments. When I asked her what she was wearing, she began with, "Well it is sleeveless." I stopped her right there. Just say, "NO" to sleeveless! - Don't Get Me Started!
No one over forty (male or female) should wear sleeveless and let me tell you why. Even if you have the most buff arms in the world, a sleeveless shirt on a forty or older just translates as a desperate cry to the world that you think you're still in your twenties. I'm here to tell you that you aren't and you need to stop it. The worst part is that often these shirts (in the case of women but yes, I've seen men do it too) are often partnered up with a pair of Capri pants. Now unless you're going to be digging for clams you need not wear these either...ever. I get that your whole life you've lived to look like Mary Tyler Moore on the Dick Van Dyke show but come on people, look at yourself in these outfits in a full length mirror and I defy you to not see yourself for the dumpy creature you've made yourself by dressing this way.
I get it that some of you are going to say, "You're only as old as you feel." But sometimes you have to act (or in this case) dress your age. I'm not saying you have to wear something that is completely polyester or without style at all but I am saying that it's about time to retire the overall shorts, kids. You also need to realize that just because the "kids" are all wearing something doesn't mean that you should wear it too. Yes, to some of us, all of this seems so obvious and has no need to be repeated but look around the next time you're in a grocery store or at a mall and I'm telling you right now these words will come back to you and you'll see that I was right, that it needed to be said.
Here's a little help for you to figure out if what you're about to wear out should be seen worn by you or not. Put the whole thing together, pants, socks, underwear (for those that wear it), shirt and whatever accessories you're going to put on and stand in front of the mirror. Do you have a knit cap on with a skull and cross bones? Remove it immediately. Do you have a shirt on with some "cool" phrase like, "Jimmy's lube shop?" Take it off. Are your pants Capri length or so baggy that they look as if they were featured in a rap video? Get those off too. Now take a good long, scary look at yourself. Unless you are Jack LaLanne or Jackie Warner from Bravo's show, Work Out, most likely you're going to want to cover up but what to put on? Go back in the closet (albeit briefly) and pull out something that fits and looks good on you - no, not the shirt you let the twenty year old at Hollister talk you into (you thought you were doing great with him while he was thinking about his commission on an $80 t-shirt) or the pants with the "whiskering" you think makes your crotch look bigger. Somewhere in there are clothes that make you look good and are appropriate for your age, find them.
I'm thrilled that 40 is the new 60 or that 50 is the new 30 or whatever the crap they tell us to buy more supplements and work out. I'm glad that we can all look so young and healthy but let's also be realistic. Sometimes you just have to spend some real quality time with yourself and determine if you want to be someone that people look at for the right reasons or because they can't believe someone your age still thinks they can pull off a tank top. Just say, "NO" to sleeveless! - Don't Get Me Started!
UPDATE: Okay, so many people have gotten sooo upset about this hub that I wrote a rebuttal...now all of you just need to get your panties out of a wad and get over it, it's not like I'm saying the simple black dress should go away...read the rebuttal here (after reading Joe's comments)... http://hubpages.com/hub/Joe_Must_Be_A_Good_Gay_Son_-_Hub_Comment_Rebuttal
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An acquired taste, like Tab cola, Some Like It Scott is one gay man's experiences with love, life and things that make him crazy, all done to a musical theatre soundtrack.
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