Dragon Slaying Lingerie

I've been playing Dragon Age Origins which is an epic RPG and it made a question rise in my mind. What would be the best lingerie to slay dragons in? Because I immediately knew that my readers would have undoubtedly asked themselves this very same question, I set out on a lingerie quest to find the answer. It turned out to be a process of elimination, of very lovely and silky elimination.

First of all, one needs significant dexterity when one is battling darkspawn. This means that in general, chain mail or mesh lingerie should be avoided. The first is too heavy, the second could cause drag by being caught on hair. When it comes to slaying a dragon, even the infinitesimal slowing effect of a single short and curly being caught in a mesh grid could be fatal.

You'll appreciate coverage when slaying a dragon too, when engaged in battle, you've no time to be picking your g-string out of your dark beyond, so avoid skimpy lingerie with a tendency to ride up and become critically engaged with parts of your body it was never supposed to meet.

I turned my attention then to the ever popular synthetic fabrics. Polyester panties went up in smoke if someone so much as said the word 'fire'. Nylon was not much better. The last thing you want to be when fighting a dragon is highly flammable, although admittedly, when one stands before an infernal dragon daemon, pretty much everything becomes flammable. Still, one cannot risk one's panties catching on fire before one so much as haplessly breaks one's sword on an impermeable dragon scale, so synthetic fabrics are therefore out.

What are we left with? Full coverage natural fabrics. Cotton. Cotton breathes well, but is a sin against all that is good and right in the lingerie world. Anyone contemplating the correct kind of lingerie for a dragon battle forswore cotton long ago and has pledged to drive it from the land. What is left then? What brave fabric will save the day?

Silk of course. Silk panties are the only way to truly discombobulate a dragon and simultaneously bolster your morale. They feel lovely when one first slides them on, and like cotton, they can absorb a surprising amount of liquid. Given that the unplanned emission of liquids high in ammonia is likely when one first encounters a dragon, this is a very useful trait. Full brief silk panties with excellent coverage fore and aft it is!

Good luck to you.

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Comments 5 comments

Mark 6 years ago

Ah, if only Watson were as prescient and witty in his relating of Holmes' deductive reasoning....

Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 6 years ago Author

It's not Watson's job to be witty, but Holmes comes out with some great one liners if one reads the original novels :)

Mike 6 years ago


I believe a light satin cami with lace along the bust, and hem. Combined with a matching panty ( boyshort? ) all in pink, and most feminine of course.

Not exactly battle armorment, but remember one need only tame the beast, not destroy it.

Lingerie like music, hath powers to calm the savage breast. Or in this case beast.

Suzy 31 6 years ago

The outfit shown in the picture would sure be stylish for such an endeavor, but somehow it doesn't look very practical. Ah, the choices we make for heroism.

james 6 years ago

A cami ant panty set from Jockey no panty line promis would do the trick

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