The Forever Lazy: Really!?

This is it's intention.  Kill it with fire!
This is it's intention. Kill it with fire!

Forgive the lengthy rant following this sentence, but this is ridiculous.

The first time I saw this commercial I thought it was a spoof. It had to be. It reminded me of faux ads on Saturday Night Live. It actually made me laugh thinking of John Belushi being the spokesperson for his Little Chocolate Doughnuts. I was waiting for Phil Hartman to walk on screen playing some goofy character. It didn't happen. I didn't even get Chris Elliot.

The Forever Lazy is a product being marketed for those who are just too darn lazy to wear a blanket OR it’s deformed, backwards wannabe robe cousin, the Snuggie. So it’s basically a zip jumpsuit you wear around the house, which is fine I guess. But there is just one problem, YOU CAN WEAR A SWEATSHIRT AND PANTS ALREADY! It’s like if you decided to throw away your couch so you could buy a bunch of “new” pillows and duct tape them together. I mean, it serves the same purpose and is infinitely more embarrassing. I dare someone to wear one of these things in public (as it shows countless times on the commercial).

The Forever Lazy, for those who want to look like they're wearing footie pajamas as a full-fledged adult. I thought that immediately, but then my live-in girlfriend pointed out that it doesn't have any feet. No less than 5 seconds later the announcer came in with “your free gift.” I’ll give you one guess….Slipper Socks.

I forgot the best part, the @$$flaps. Yes, I know, long johns have had them forever. But long johns are yet another product that already exists. So now they’ve taken the laziest parts of them all and bred them into this monstrosity.

finally a blanket I can poop in!
finally a blanket I can poop in!

I can see the production board meeting.
-“Okay, I have this new product. They were dumb enough to buy all those Snuggies. Let’s just sell them footie pajamas.”

- “As the head of this company, I, in good conscience, can’t sell this to consumers.”

-“Okay, how about this. We cut off the feet and give it back to them for ‘free’.”

-“Well what about when you want to go to the bathroom?”

-“This was being saved for the Infinitely Obese coming out in 2014, but we have been working on a butt-flap prototype.”

-“Genius!”

So, to sum it up, if you buy the Forever Lazy you will be magically transformed from a man/woman into basically what amounts to a Muppet Baby. Wait, now I wanna buy one…

More by this Author


Comments 27 comments

myawn profile image

myawn 4 years ago from Florida

I don't think I would purchase this product I like my blankie Ha Ha!But maybe someone else would be comfortable wearing it.


lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 4 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

I want one badly!!!!!! I just asked my grandma to get me one. LOL. She wants one too. Loved the muppets video. I watched it 4 times.


lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 4 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

ok, 5 times.


skinsman82000 profile image

skinsman82000 4 years ago from Frederick Maryland Author

haha, yeah, I loved that show when I was little.


Simplicity4All profile image

Simplicity4All 4 years ago from Rhode Island, USA

this is hilarious, great hub and rant. i thoroughly enjoy your version of their board meeting especially since that us probably a pretty accurate depiction of what went down, thanks for following my hubs! I look forward to enjoying more of yours, sadly I'm not sitting around on my laptop in my lazy gear perhaps I see a stupid purchase in my near future haha :D


Katharella profile image

Katharella 4 years ago from Lost in America

IT COMES IN PINK?

I'M GETTING ONE!!!!!!!


skinsman82000 profile image

skinsman82000 4 years ago from Frederick Maryland Author

please, the both of you, don't. It will encourage them.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 4 years ago from Lost in America

Ok fine. Regardless of the color my boyfriend would still call the back flap "easy access" LOL!


hecate-horus profile image

hecate-horus 4 years ago from Rowland Woods

Yikes. The imaginary conversation in the board meeting, I think you hit the nail on the head. Americans will buy anything if you package it right! Funny hub,voted up!


skinsman82000 profile image

skinsman82000 4 years ago from Frederick Maryland Author

Can't say I disagree there! I'm more partial to no pants....haha.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Are these stylish garments available for 'lazy puppies'?

I love that mother - daughter look when lounging around the house... and 'when us gals sit around the house'... oh, sorry, this was FUNNY, so nice to meet you, mar.


skinsman82000 profile image

skinsman82000 4 years ago from Frederick Maryland Author

thanks for the comment. I didn't look into any lazy pet clothing. I'm sure you could fashion something for a few dogs out of one...


travel_man1971 profile image

travel_man1971 4 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

Oh my! I might try this one, hahaha! Or maybe when I get sick. -_-


Outbound Dan profile image

Outbound Dan 4 years ago from Niagara Falls, NY

As I saw this for the first time late at night, I too thought it was a spoof - I kept looking for the punchline. I thought about buying one and walking around with a flowbee personal haircutting device for Halloween. What would I be - a gullible tv consumer.


skinsman82000 profile image

skinsman82000 4 years ago from Frederick Maryland Author

That's a really good idea Dan. What about 6-second abs or the spray on hair from Ronco. Thanks for the comment.


John MacNab profile image

John MacNab 4 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

Looks and sounds revolting skinsman82000. I will NOT become so lazy - honest.


Motown2Chitown 4 years ago

My favorite part of the commercials? The group wearing them while tailgating. WTF?!?!

Muppet baby? Hahahaha!


skinsman82000 profile image

skinsman82000 4 years ago from Frederick Maryland Author

Yeah, the tailgating is absurd. The first time I see someone wearing one in public, I'll be sure to take a picture. Maybe I'll put it on here, ha.


Derdriu 4 years ago

Skinsman82000, What an amusing, entertaining, gently ironic look at consumerism! In particular, the imagined board meeting is an effectively humorous way to end such an all-around hilarious article.

Thank you for sharing,

Derdriu


Motown2Chitown 4 years ago

Don't take a picture. Beat them up.

Oops. Did I say that out loud?


skinsman82000 profile image

skinsman82000 4 years ago from Frederick Maryland Author

haha, well it was going to be a very condescending picture.


Jlava73 profile image

Jlava73 4 years ago from Cyberspace and My Own World

I love the idea. I just hope we don't start to see people wearing them on the street :) Love your sense of humor!


Claudia Tello profile image

Claudia Tello 4 years ago from Mexico

Same as John MacNab. I swear I will never become that lazy, never ever!


Leafy Den profile image

Leafy Den 4 years ago from the heart

In theory, these sound wonderful...warm and comfy and saves lots of decision making every morning! But, what's next...the forever lazy, never going out, becoming a hermit, spending your days in front of the computer or TV snacking...being so comfy that you forget to shower or have a bath, ending up with greasy hair, grungy teeth as too lazy to brush. These are only for those who just don't care or for the very rich who can afford the lifestyle robots aka Jetsons - those robots who wake, wash and feed you and then pour you into your freshly washed Forever Lazy...LOL! Great hub!


Leafy Den profile image

Leafy Den 4 years ago from the heart

For those who may not remember the Jetsons, here is a reminder:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2h5mpmSoc4


skinsman82000 profile image

skinsman82000 4 years ago from Frederick Maryland Author

I haven't thought about the Jetsons in quite a while, thanks for the link and comments Leafy Den.


d.william profile image

d.william 4 years ago from Somewhere in the south

comical hub. Although i have not seen this commercial, i am not the least bit surprised. The majority of commercials are written to appeal to the 6 grade level of intelligence - exactly what the average American has. (L.O.L. but not really funny) I especially liked the video.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working