Glide Your Face with the Gillette Fusion ProGlide

Glide Your Face with the Gillette Fusion ProGlide

The Gillette Fusion ProGlide razor represents penultimate applications of technology and coolness. Only the hippest and baddest men in the world scrape their faces with Fusion products.

If you are female, read this:
Should you, as a woman, allow your favorite man to shave his face with lesser products from other companies, you put him at risk. His professional future appears dire should he elect to stride confidently into the boardroom with a face recently abused by inferior blades.

If you are male, read this:
Should you, as a man, allow yourself to shave your face with lesser products from other companies, you put yourself at risk. Your professional future appears dire should you elect to stride confidently into the boardroom with a face recently abused by inferior blades.

Okay, everyone come together and you can all read the rest of this:

A Veritable Plethora of Cutting Surfaces

Glide yourself smooth with a cornucopia of precisely parallel blades. No less than 5, and no more than 5, razors perform in concert to slice cleanly through the roughest of beards. Alone, each blade is just a single blade. Together, they are 5 blades. 4 blades wouldn't cut nearly as well, and 6 blades would just be silly.

Enjoy the High-Tech Sliding Surface

Along with the 5 blades swooping across your epidermis, a scientifically designed state-of-the-art high-technology cutting-edge sliding surface allows the entire Gillette Fusion ProGlide to float gracefully over the roughest skin. As the blades cut, the sliding surface acts as a gentle fulcrum for your muscular forearm. It's a pivotal pivot point in shaving technology; nothing comes closer.

Glide Your Face with the Gillette Fusion ProGlide
Glide Your Face with the Gillette Fusion ProGlide

Luscious Orange Packaging

Although not as hot as Cool Blue packaging, the Gillette Fusion ProGlide comes ensconced in hi-visibility orange-hued blister packs. Turn off the lights shave by the glow of the container. Keep the Earth green; illuminate your bathroom with the ProGlide orange.

It's been redesigned

The original version rocked, but the redesign is all that and more. If you happen to own an original, feel free to throw it away before Entertainment Tonight catches you with it. Don't risk external social shunning. You may as well be drinking New Coke or watching The View.

Can you be a Real Guy?

In all honesty, Real Guys shave with this kind of stuff. Indeed it is possible to drop by the Dollar Store and pick up a year's worth of shaving equipment for the price of one Gillette Fusion ProGlide, but are you willing to loose several million coolness points? Can you survive without the SuperUltraGlide surface supporting your blade array?

Hollywood stars and astronauts don't shave with generic blades purchased from discount stores. These Real Men insist on the latest in cutting technology wrapped in aerodynamic polymers. You'll never find a single-edged disposable no-name razor in an A-lister's dumpster. We discourage any attempts to prove us incorrect.

Consider this unsolicited endorsement from a Very Famous Stage and Screen Actor:

I never go anywhere without my Gillette Fusion ProGlide shaving accoutrement. When I am brushing my cheek against a gorgeous starlet or presenting a close-up profile as I save the world from certain destruction, I can't afford to have those little scabs that come from a regular blade. That really grosses out the girls.

And I can never get reliable electricity in the dungeon of an evil genius.

Disclaimer

Gillette® , Fusion® , and ProGlide™ are copyrights and trademarks of their respective companies. The author receives no remuneration or any other compensation from any manufacturer beyond the ads that may or may not appear on this page.

More by this Author


Comments 3 comments

drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

nicomp - I know it wasn't Brad Pitt who made that endorsement. Though he needs to use one of these products. Have you seen the grungy, grimy, straggly beard he has been sporting?


psychicdog.net profile image

psychicdog.net 6 years ago

I haven't shaved in 10 years! You've inspired me to have a go with one of these Gillette things - my back looks like the front door mat.


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 6 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

I am a proud owner of "said" product. It is a comfortable, close shave.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working