How To Discretely Buy Lingerie

This question comes from a reader, who asks:

Hope, I am a 25 year old man who enjoys wearing lingerie and panties under my clothes. I can't order things online as I am currently living with two college buddies who are often going through my mail. I prefer the line of lingerie and panties at Victoria's secret but I also want to try the items on before I purchase them. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.

This is a great question, and no doubt one that is relevant to many men who wear lingerie. First of all, let me say that depending on what kind of lingerie you are buying, trying the lingerie on shouldn't really be necessary. Panties, in particular, don't need to be tried on as long as you know what your size is.

Bras are a different kettle of fish, because not only do bras require a more precise fit than panties, bra manufacturers often make bras to wildly different standards, so much so that a 32 A in one brand may very well be a 30 B in another. Reading through my correspondence and many of the comments however, many men say that they have had no trouble trying on bras in department stores and even in Victoria's Secret. Though it might take some courage to ask a sales assistant, reports indicate that most of them are helpful. It's very difficult, if not impossible to be discrete if you want to try lingerie on before you buy however.

Possibly the biggest favor you can do yourself is knowing your measurements. Measure across your chest and under where the bra sits. Know what your dress size is. This can be quite easily worked out using sizing charts available widely online. If you know your measurements and your dress size, shopping for lingerie becomes a great deal easier on and offline.

Regarding not wanting to shop for lingerie online, I would advise that you tell your flatmates to GTFO of your mail, or alternatively, arrange for your lingerie to be sent somewhere else. Your place of work is not a bad place to receive lingerie, even if prying eyes do get wind of what is inside, you can always claim that it is for a girlfriend, in fact, most people will simply assume that without even asking you.

At the end of the day, it is possible to be discrete whilst purchasing lingerie, but it is also not a crime and not something you should feel too compelled to hide. Most people won't ask why you're buying lingerie, and of those that do, you can chose to tell them the truth (many of the men who read and comment here seem to take a particular glee in doing so,) or you can simply tell them it is for a partner.

Enjoy your lingerie and enjoy your life, don't worry too much about what other people think. Odds are that the salesgirl looking at you funny is more worried about how fat she looks in her sales pants or how messy her hair is than what you're buying and who you're buying it for.

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Comments 44 comments

Jess Killmenow profile image

Jess Killmenow 6 years ago from Nowheresville, Eastern United States

A thoughtful and sensitive article. Thank you


Cory Smith 6 years ago

Thank you very much for your help in this matter. I found this article quite helpful and will take your advice ASAP


chris009 6 years ago

Hope, love your pages on lingerie and lace. Any comments on men wearing makeup? I just came back from a very pleasant shopping trip to sephora, but intriguingly was left with the impression that very few men are buying cosmetics for themselves.

Your thoughts are usually quite cogent. I would enjoy hearing what they are on this subject.

Thanks


foxxyz69 profile image

foxxyz69 6 years ago from Niles Ohio

I shop on ebay, and when you bid on items from the seller, they put you on a private listing. And your items will come in a plain envelope. Hope this helps.


tattoocowboy 6 years ago

i have found the sales ladies at victoria secret always helpful and understanding..


TIMWILLIAMS profile image

TIMWILLIAMS 6 years ago

Hi tattoocowboy, Did you really find the sales ladies at Victorias secret helpful. Did you have a bra fitting done at a VS store?? I am a man that wears girls panties/underwear and bras all the time. I have been buying my bras and panties from Wal-Mart and Sears and JC Penney. I like to get lingerie from VS soon. I have their catalogue at home.


Patient0 6 years ago

Suggestion: thrift stores! Everything there is cheap, and they have dresses, skirts, nighties, bras. I would tend to stay away from the underpants, but otherwise, shazam. Buy a bunch you like, see which ones fit. Don't like what you got? Drop it off and get something different. How can you go wrong with bras for $1, dresses for $5?


Pantietrician 6 years ago

In the States, UPS stores will accept packages shipped to you there if you make arrangements. I pay $5 per package rather than set up an account. They use my cell for a contact number and no other address was needed.


Bob 6 years ago

Very appropriate comments, Hope. When I was younger (62 now), buying lingerie in stores was pretty scary. But it didn't take long for me to learn to enjoy it, seeing the beautiful feminine lingerie on display is such fun. And I always wonder when I am purchasing something if the sales person is pondering whether or not I will be wearing it. Adds a little thrill to the process.


hotpinkpanty 6 years ago from United States

I love your hub pages. I hate to see you end hewearspanties. You have been a great help with me becoming comfortable with wearing panties. I just started my own hub on the subject.Writing my 3rd that I been doing reseraching to write a better hub.


Wren 6 years ago

I find that it's more fun to shop for my panties when the sales girl/lady know they are for me! They seem much more accomodating.

Great Job Hope!


Tom 6 years ago

I agree with you Hope , Buying lingerie is only as big a deal as you make it. It does take a little trial and error to find what styles you like and what fits best on your body. Once you know your sizes you can shop in person which is probably best for bras if you want to try them on (and I agree most stores have seen it all before)or you can buy on line and return the items if they don't fit (with the exception of panties of coarse) and as far as shipping you can always get a PO box if you have no other choice.

It really is no one else's business what type of underwear you like to wear , so enjoy yourself.

Thank you Hope


sissychuck44 6 years ago

i thoroughly enjoy going into a large department store and browsing for the style of panties and other lingerie that i like. most often, the salesladies don't really care that you're buying these items for yourself. they want to make a sale. but, i do get some knowing smiles sometimes from them that i have come to enjoy receiving. most of the time, they are simply trying to help you get what you want regardless who they are for.

I have had a few that have figured out that the items were for me and helped me find exactly what i want and like. I am a regular customer there now. These are owner operator stores and, to them, you're just another customer and a very good one in most cases.


Doug 6 years ago

I personally haven’t tried on lingerie in a store yet, but I definitively will when I have the chance. I’m sure plenty of men shop in Victoria’s Secret, Fredericks of Hollywood, and similar places and I bet the clerks can tell who is buying for themselves.

I wouldn’t worry about it, I try on clothes from the women’s departments of department stores and discount stores often, and have never had a clerk give me a problem, and rarely even a raised eyebrow. Since I wear clothes and accessories designed for women when I shop, there’s no doubt about who I’m shopping for anyway. Clerks are usually very helpful. Sometimes they direct me to a fitting room in the women’s department, sometimes to one in the men’s department. It’s really no big deal. I don’t see any reason why it wouldn’t be the same shopping for lingerie.

If you want to receive your mail in public, why not get a box at the post office of one of those private pack and ship stores that has mail boxes?


Jody 6 years ago

I have also found most places will let you try on panties if you let them know you are wearing panties and will try them on over them. Like the author said, I usually don't need to try them on, but do so because I like the thrill of doing it in front of a bunch of ladies in the store. Also, not all panties fit the same and depending on the cut - I need different sizes and I never know how they will feel and fit from one brand to the next and from one cut to the next - so there are times when trying them on is very helpful. One thing I hate is having to take them back - which sometimes is difficult because of the items being bought. Finally, for you larger men like myself - Lane Bryant has a new collection of panties from Cacique - which I loved to shop at in the early ninety's for panties they are so pretty, sexy, and comfortable.


MICK 6 years ago

I have been buying my panties and more recently basque's and baby doll nighties,my collection consists of;panties stockings suspenders basques nighties and also Ann Summers Pulsatron vibrator,the feel is just great dressing up in sexy underwear.I have found a shop in Leamington Spa in the UK where the shop owner lets guys try on the underwear and she has even helped me put on a basque the in womens changing room, the underwear shop is called Bliss if anyone is interested.


Neil Ashworth profile image

Neil Ashworth 6 years ago from Ireland

Great article.


rocn4funn 6 years ago

the first lingerie i bought was brite stripes panties buy warners and as i stepped across the threshold of te lingerie dept, i was in and no turning back now hey the customers there didnt care and the sales staff was and at all places i go to they can take care of you descretly and have you on your way - they can tell if your skiddish trust me and they do know wats up and its a customer thats going to buy some-thing from there store ans thats there job ... if you go to buy beer you know w/ you want to buy in and out - as after you go once you will go agian and i started buying panties at 20 and that rush is still there and even relaxed when i go planned or not the people there all of them buyiers or the sellers want a comfortable expierance for all inside and i like too ask .cause the worst thing after buying something you cant use and worse you cant realy tell anyone about cause you got the wrong size or styile the material is rough or tight so now your gonna take a loss but go back and take your time i did and wen asked i said w/ i got the last time and yes it was 4 me i got the help i needed as well as w/ i wanted and that goes as well ti vs they didnt realy have xl sizes but those wernt in the catolog i asked and bammm thats customer service if you inside the lingerie store your in -- me i wasnt gonna let life go by looking in thinkig that the men i saw inside were getting wifes or g/f lingerie -- go buy some-thing 4 yoursielf ----


rocn4funn 6 years ago

the first lingerie i bought was brite stripes panties buy warners and as i stepped across the threshold of te lingerie dept, i was in and no turning back now hey the customers there didn't care and the sales staff was and at all places i go to they can take care of you descretly and have you on your way - they can tell if your skiddish trust me and they do know wats up and its a customer that's going to buy some-thing from there store ans that's there job ... if you go to buy beer you know w/ you want to buy in and out - as after you go once you will go again and i started buying panties at 20 and that rush is still there and even relaxed when i go planned or not the people there all of them buyiers or the sellers want a comfortable expierance for all inside and i like too ask .cause the worst thing after buying something you cant use and worse you cant realy tell anyone about cause you got the wrong size or styile the material is rough or tight so now your gonna take a loss but go back and take your time i did and wen asked i said w/ i got the last time and yes it was 4 me i got the help i needed as well as w/ i wanted and that goes as well ti vs they didn't realy have xl sizes but those wernt in the catolog i asked and bammm thats customer service if you inside the lingerie store your in -- me i wasn't gonna let life go by looking in thinkig that the men i saw inside were getting wifes or g/f lingerie -- go buy some-thing 4 yoursielf ----


Joe 6 years ago

If you can't get it shipped elsewhere and don't want anyone to know, another idea would be to go to a store that sells both men's and women's clothes and buy both at the same time. Target or Myer normally have a bit to choose from and if you buy some guy's clothes at the same time, they'll assume anything else is for a partner.

If you want to be really sure, just grumble to the salesperson about having to do all the shopping while you're wife is away.


Bruce 6 years ago

I usually am not shy when it comes to buying panties for myself, I simply walk into Sears and take my pick. I guess as we grow older the shyness goes away, I am 46.


Runway profile image

Runway 6 years ago from New York

I will have to share this with my boyfriend!


alan grimsby 6 years ago

a cure for impotence is to send a man to buy himself womens underwear and tell the sales girl its for him,it works because its so naughty ,but these days most staff find it very boring because its so common now ,i have been `chatted up` by a sales girl when buying myself panties , she just said you are more sexy than boring men


Sam 6 years ago

This week Kohl's is having a sale on Vanity Fair panties, three for $13. They are full cut real nylon with a slight lacy trim on the side. I stocked up on them.

I can't believe when panties are listed on e-bay that they are so expensive and sometimes don't state the size.

My homosexual partner enjoys me in panties, Some of my straight friends know I wear panties 24/7. I am very masculine and I love the swishy feelings under my business suits or Levi's.

Thankx Ms. Hope-fulness for being so informative.

Sam


celtichic 6 years ago

I begin my collection in high school years because I worked at a laundromat early each morning. I had to clean the place, and in the process found many "lost" items in the machines.

After a reasonable period when no one claimed them, I appropriated all the clean ladies things left, otherwise they would have been thrown out.

Soon though I began buying my own, under the guise of shopping for my girlfriend, as you suggest. But you are right, there is no reason to be uptight about buying lingerie. Most stores now are full of ladies who know about CDs. I found in my 20's that I could be up-front with most of the women salespersons and tell them that the items I was looking at were for me! You'd be surprised how kind and helpful they became, even becoming friends with me at local stores. Also, if you tell them the truth, they can be more helpful in terms of fitting you correctly.

Thanks Hope for another great Hub. All you CDs out there, go forward without fear!


Andybmondeo profile image

Andybmondeo 6 years ago

I know somebody in a similar situation, he buys lingerie from http://www.le-beau.co.uk who ship everything descreetly and has it shipped to his work address, maybe you could do this, or have it sent to a friend or family member that will not judge you? alternitavely say its for somebody else ???


CC 6 years ago

I've bought multiple times at VS, and only had one rep have an issue with me. She didn't say anything, but it was obvious, so I just had another associate help me instead.


Lingerie Lover 6 years ago

I never tried lingerie in a store, on the one hand, the seller doesn't allow me to try it on, on the other hand, I'm shy to try it on, so I usually buy some lingeries that at different size, then I know the suitable size for me.


tactilicious 6 years ago

I say just go in the store and buy it. I also use Ebay for good deals on discontinued expensive lingerie. I like the store because there is usually a good selection, and you can look at the merchandise for potential fit, feel what the material feels like, all of that. The sales help is usually friendly, a few seem to have issues, but by-and-large they are just fine with it. You are not the first guy they've helped.

Nordstrom Rack is generally pretty good for lingerie, panties in my case. You have to keep checking, but they get some very good lines in at amazing prices - like Chantelle and Wacoal for less than $10 US. You can also be a hero for the GF or wife by getting good lingerie for them while you are at it. I tell the help I buy the lingerie in the household, which is true.


jayzee 6 years ago

also consider women's swimwear.


JohnPawn profile image

JohnPawn 6 years ago

I bought a bikini recently. Still have not worn it swimming. My GF (fiancé very accomodating. Even points out stuff I might like. I do the same for her too. She started wearing VS bras, and now wonders how she ever wore any other brand.

I have gone into VS and bought stuff for her, as well as stuff for me. The salespersons either did not know, or did not care, as they were very discreet.

If you are too shy to go into a store, buying online is great. Better selection too.


Airazor 6 years ago

I actually emailed Victoria's Secret some time ago because I had heard that allowing men access to their dressing rooms is company policy. The reply I received indicated that indeed they do strive to accommodate shoppers regardless of gender, and store associates should be happy to assist in finding items and even taking measurements. However, if a man wishes to try on items prior to purchase, they simply prefer for the comfort of other patrons that the dressing area not be heavily trafficked. If you are shopping during peak hours, they may ask you to return when the store is less busy. Even in a store that doesn't practice this policy, remember that the associates are not being paid to judge you, they are being paid to make your shopping experience as easy and enjoyable as possible.


Screwloose 6 years ago

I have bought from VS online many times. Once in a while they'll send me a customer survey. On that survey , one of the questions is 'what gender are you?''female,male,rather not specify'

I'm paraphrasing but the question is there. I find it interesting that they don't assume all their customers are female.


GG 5 years ago

TJ Maxx and Marshalls are .great places to buy panties.

Victorias Secret Body BY Victoria is a great line,and they really last.Get the bikini or high leg briefs.

GG


John bobB 5 years ago

I guess this is helpful. But why would a guy need to measure his chest? I'm pretty sure most of us can't exactly fill it up if you know what I mean.


Kathleen 5 years ago

The local Lane Bryant store readily encourages males to come in and try things on. The Victoria's Secret does not let men very near the changing rooms. Since more men would probably need the larger sizes anyway, it seems understandable. I sometimes go shopping with an ex-boyfriend of mine and help him pick out things. I get dinner out of it, and he gets the comfort of having an understanding girl along.


Kathleen 5 years ago

The local Lane Bryant store readily encourages males to come in and try things on. The Victoria's Secret does not let men very near the changing rooms. Since more men would probably need the larger sizes anyway, it seems understandable. I sometimes go shopping with an ex-boyfriend of mine and help him pick out things. I get dinner out of it, and he gets the comfort of having an understanding girl along.


John Stein 5 years ago

I think in this situation you have to buy online from a company you can trust to be 100% discreet. I've always used Suzie May ( http://www.suziemay-lingerie.co.uk/ ) for my wife's birthday presents and the packages are always in plain plastic with just an address label on them. I'm sure most online lingerie shops must have the same policy.


patsypop123 5 years ago

I think that you should just go to the lingerie department and look for what you would like to wear hold it up to yourself if you think iwould fit go to the fitting room like i did and try it on if it is too small try for larger or if too large go down a size soon you will find your size and know for the next time that is what i did and the sales assistant did say that if i needed any help she would give me any advice i wanted. Good luck to you.


Sexy Lingerie Addict 4 years ago

You know, I did actually have a friend with a similar fetish to you, he couldn't let it out and eventually we just figured it out, he wrote something regarding his experience on a blog..he thinks its best to read articles and memoirs of others in his situation..this site http://www.ladyloca.co.uk/sexy-lingerie is where he refers to as the best source of quality lingerie retailers online in the uk, not sure take a look at it at least???


joel 4 years ago

to me the best place to buy lingerie discertly in online at http://www.levialingerie.com/

try it out


Sherman 4 years ago

As far as any one in a lingerie department is concerned, you are buying. Whether a gift for another or yourself they won't ask. In a larger city or if you are "out of town" that may be bonus discretion. Enjoy the choosing. Enjoy the find.


pantie and bra guy 4 years ago

I always buy my bras and panties at the store; started doing this a couple of years ago.

Never had a problem and just bought another half dozen pair at Catherine's and tried them on for size.

I most often go during the day when there are less shoppers but love the look of customers when I am discussing my pantie purchase with the sales ladies.


GuyInLadiesUndies 3 years ago

One time, I went to a small women's store and I found a bra that I really liked, but there were alot of women there so I decided to return when it was near closing time. I picked up the bra and I asked the saleslady if I could try it on and she said yes. When I started to walk to the dressing room, the saleslady closed the store's door, I guess it was for my privacy. After I tried the bra on, I went to the cash register to buy it. The saleslady asked me if it fit and I said yes, and she said she was glad. I was relieved that she had no problem with me trying on a ladies bra and now I have visited this store several times and purchased several bras. So guys, don't be afraid try on ladies lingerie, the salesladies are more understanding than you think.

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