How to Get the Last Bit of Toothpaste Out

Automatic Auto Easy Touch Toothpaste Squeezer Dispenser

This shockingly amazing device makes us optimistic for future the of mankind. Simply tuck in your favorite tube of toothpaste: applied physics does the rest.

It sticks to the wall and it comes with a sticker to stick it to the wall. Everything works out.

Many noteworthy things come from China: this is probably one of them. Order the toothpaste squeezer for all your friends and family. No longer will anyone in your sphere of influence have an excuse to skip the dental cleansing phase of their morning ritual.

Bulldozer

Few machines inspire dental hygiene more effectively than a bulldozer. No toothpaste molecules resist the intense pressure generated by this bright yellow beast. Sure, it's expensive, but aren't your teeth worth it?

We've been using the same tube of brushing paste since 1977: our 'dozer never fails us when it's time for the monthly brushing. We've experienced virtually no dental discomfort whatsoever.

Jumbo Paper Clip

Should you be 1 bulldozer shy in the morning, defer to a mighty jumbo paperclip. Sure, it's ostensibly indented to clutch sheaves of paper, but alternate uses are not illegal as far as you know.

Keep a box of these bent wires in the bathroom next to the baby powder and the staple puller. You won't be sorry. We aren't.

Ignition Pliers

Manual extraction of toothpaste can be achieved through dextrous application of quality pliers. We endorse ignition pliers. We favor the extensive leverage and gripping capabilities. A pair of pliers fits easily into the bathroom drawer leaving plenty of room for floss and retainers. Craftsman pliers rival all other brands. eBay provides an extensive collection of bidding opportunities.

Look for other brands such as Snap On, Mac, generic, and Stanley. No one inquires as to your application. As long as your PayPal account is current, you're golden.

Hiking boots

Deep in the mountains, where bears do their business and the Appalachian Trail quietly wends among old growth forests, it's problematic to find pliers or a bulldozer. Your boots provide a quite handy substitute.

Squeeze the tube beneath your heel to eke out those recalcitrant iotas of brushing goodness. You don't want to have morning breath in the wilderness. Mother Nature will thank you and the bears will leave you alone because they don't like spearmint.

Heat Press

When you're done messing around with manual labor, deploy a high-quality heat press against obstinate toothpaste tubes. Strategic combinations of heat and pressure result in properly populated toothbrushes. Never again will you find yourself lacking in daily Fluoride requirements.

This handy machinery handles any size and brand of tube. It's suitable for an entire dormitory. Share in the cost and benefit from the experience of electro-mechanical engineers.

Summary

No excuse exists for poor dental artrifice. We heartily endorse squeezing the last bits of substance from whatever brand of toothpaste to which you subscribe. It may have baking soda in it. It just might leave your breath minty fresh. It probably has some impact regarding cavity prevention. We're not here to judge.

My contrivance of choice for toothpaste extraction is

  • Bulldozer
  • Pliers, usually Craftsman
  • Jumbo paper clip
  • Automatic dispenser
  • Heat Press
  • Hiking Boots
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A brushed tooth is a happy tooth. See diagram, above.
A brushed tooth is a happy tooth. See diagram, above. | Source

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Add your comment here, else no one will. 7 comments

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 3 years ago

I prefer stepping on it! Up and funny...


nicomp profile image

nicomp 3 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

Stepping is good. Boots work for that.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 3 years ago

Barefoot feels good too!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 3 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

I don't know... that toothpaste has a little grit in it. My feet are tender.


drbj profile image

drbj 3 years ago from south Florida

nicomp - this was more than two hoots!

How did you know that I use boots?


Charito1962 profile image

Charito1962 12 months ago from Manila, Philippines

This hub sure amused me, nicomp! I'm one person who diligently squeezes out the last bit of toothpaste before I dispose of the tube.

I'll go for the pliers.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 12 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Charito1962 : Thanks! i FORGOT I WROTE THIS.

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