Knitted High Heel Boots | Because Dolce & Gabbana Get Bored Sometimes

At the fringes of fashion we find all sorts of weird and wonderful mutations, most of which will never leave the primordial sludge of the runway and burst forth onto the streets of the real world. However every now and then, something that looks as though it should be torn apart by wolves within seconds will totter into the light of day on unsteady stilettos and put itself up for sale in stores along with all the other real clothing.

Dolce & Gabbana's Knitted High Heel Boots fall into that category, because they're not really boots, they're just some high heels that look like they fell prey to a team of grannies who'd spend their evening getting into Junior's Ritalin stash.

If you've ever wanted all the comfort of wearing your dad's socks, but also gaining 4 ½ inches in height whilst doing, so these are the boots for you.

These 'boots' are apparently designed as winter-wear, but obviously due to their woolen construction, actually attempting to wear them in winter will result in having toes removed due to frostbite. These are winter boots for women who never actually have to walk anywhere, kind of like those outlandish dressed that the nobility used to wear, which only served the purpose of reminding everyone around them that they were far too rich to do any actual work.

With a $748 price tag (I enjoy the pleasant apparent randomness of that number) these are not quite as inaccessible as Marie Antionette's day gown, and they're not quite as stylish either. In fact, I reckon you might actually be able to replicate this look for about $20 if you have an old pair of high heeled shoes, some large men's socks, and some super glue.

But that would be tacky, and not at all fabulous and it certainly wouldn't have been made by Dolce & Gabbanna, which is a large part of the reason why anyone would buy these in the first place. It's all about status, darling, proving to the peons that although your footwear may be utterly ridiculous, it's worth more than the mortgage payment on their peasant hovel.

To top off the fabulousness, we must pay some attention to the python styling of the heel and sole. Even the underside of these shoes is incredibly stylish. Wearing them is a statement that not only do you have no cause to fear the elements, you also have no problem walking on dangerous serpents.

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