Moose Poop – A Maine Gold Mine

Moose Poop Art Work

Santa's Helper
Santa's Helper

Made in Maine

One day while on vacation in Maine, my buddy and I were discussing money making ideas. After a few cold beers and a brisk walk through the Maine woods, we decided to promote the state of Maine by selling all natural Moose Nuggets. One of the first topics we debated was marketing and sales. Though fresh and all natural, who would buy a golden nugget the size of Milk Duds from two idiots from Maine?

Sales & Marketing

Our enthusiasm for this stunning market swelled when we heard an advertisement touting that you could sell “it” on eBay. I shouted “another beer!” as we cheered with joy knowing we had confirmation from the God’s of television advertising that “it” was marketable. Now, in our state of enthusiasm, we may have misheard the term “it” to assume it meant, well you get the picture. So we rushed to the computer as we realized this might require some research. We went online and read in detail (slightly out of focus) their terms and conditions of service. We figured that since moose poop is as close to “it” as you can get this seemed like a perfect product for the World’s Largest Online Market. We checked their terms of use and found our product to be within their guidelines as long as we ensured that the product was completely detached from the animal prior to retail sale. eBay does not permit the sale of animal parts through the site and, of course, we wanted to remain legitimate PowerSellers. So, “danglers” would be a no-no as the moose could not accompany the product to its destination. We also had a moment of clarity when we realized that shipping a 900 lbs moose would likely be extremely expensive. Imagine a FedEx employee arriving at your home to see a hug brown box with a moose head popping out of the top awaiting shipment to Kansas. Not gonna happen!

Product Acquisition

Now you would think that finding “it” in the northern woods of Maine would be simple. Try again! On that hot August day, we stumbled around the woods for nearly 5 hours searching for product before almost stepping in a huge pile of what we deemed “potential inventory”. And what a healthy supply of moose nuggets it was, freshly delivered along the path a few hours before our arrival. Embracing the moment, we gave thanks to our divinity for the natural blessing before us and the good grace of the moose that provided it.

Packaging

After our great product acquisition, we realized that shipping “raw materials” was going to be, shall we say, a bit of a smelly endeavor. We were quite sure that Sammy, our local Postal Employee, was not going to appreciate driving a truck load of “it” in his vehicle most of the day. Our solution was simple, almost ingenious, so much so that we stood tall as pioneers of nature’s gift. We would coat the gems with clear varnish and make them into gag gifts. A gift, are you kidding me? Nope. We designed moose poop earrings, moose poop necklaces, moose poop reindeer decorations, and even moose poop candies. Hey, they’re all natural, except for the varnish. After sniffing varnish for an afternoon, we didn’t much mind the smell of the moose poop at that point. For a moment, shut your eyes and imagine Joan Rivers with a stylish set of Made in Maine moose poop earrings at the Oscars. Now try to tell me she wouldn’t get attention from these fashionable gems. Why even Lady Gaga should consider a full moose poop designer dress to accompany her meat clad outfit the next time she visits Maine. Shock and awe at its best. Even the paparazzi might finally keep their distance from her.

Summary

If this story brought you a chuckle about our insane treasures, please email a copy to your neighbor or any family member living in New England for there is “gold” in the hills of Maine. We believe opportunity is bountiful for all who approach this market with a sense of humor.

So, as the television advertisement said that fateful day, you can buy “it” on eBay.

Does anything say “I love you” better than giving nature’s best for that special occasion?

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