Never Mind What Paris Is Wearing Your Sunglasses Are Too Big
Me wearing a knit cap
I Don't Care What Paris Hilton Wears...Your Sunglasses Are Too Big - Don't Get Me Started!
I know that this is going to just be really shocking to a lot of people but while I subscribe to certain trends, there are others that I think someone somewhere is making up just to see how ridiculous they can make celebs and laypeople alike look and whether or not we will grab the bait. Like a lot of industries, there's not ever all that much that is "new" in the fashion biz. (Though "insiders" and designers will tell you differently because after all, their livelihood depends upon all of us buying what they're selling.) If you look at even the most avant-garde collections, you'll see hints of past designers and/or trends. It's as if all the big designers have a collection of old movie magazines, flip through it once a season and then get on the phone with one another proclaiming, "It's forties again this year - get out the shoulder pads!" Sure they deconstruct it and make it look ragged and a little different but put a pair of platform sling back pumps with it and you're Joan Crawford in Mildred Pierce. Well, as with yesterday's post (on the men's faux hawk hairstyle that needs to go away), there's a trend that I have decided needs to go away as well. I don't care what Paris Hilton wears...your sunglasses are too big - Don't Get Me Started!
Although the young think that Paris and her gang started this trend; for those of us who have lived on the planet for more than ten minutes we know that Jackie Onassis Kennedy started this in the sixties. For some of us, the pictures of America's queen on the yacht of her second husband with those big glasses are forever etched in our minds as the height of fashion, glamour and wealth. It worked on her and even with Paris' a little (even though they still just look silly on her small face and frame) because she's for better or worse, a celebrity but it has now filtered down to the $.99 store set and I'm sorry to say, that most are NOT able to pull it off.
Now before I start getting all the comments about how I'm being mean, cruel, don't get it, I'm a bad friend, no one should listen to me, "my mother looks good in sleeveless tops and big glasses you asshole" (Read that blog here and especially the comments here... http://hubpages.com/hub/Do_Not_Go_Sleeveless_After_Forty_Just_Trust_Me_On_This_One ), etc. hear me out, kids. All I'm saying is that as with anything else, not every look is for everybody. I accept that I personally will never be wearing a pair of low riding jeans (showing the non-existent "V" down to my crotch area) with a cropped Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt exposing the upper portion of my non-existent six pack abs. I get it that while the rest of the guys are wearing knit caps with a skull on them looking cool if I put one on I look as if I'm the guy from the Spirit of '76 painting with the bandage on his head instead of an outlaw that rides motorcycles (see photo below).
Let's all agree that not everyone looks good in every trend that the fashionistas roll out and tell us we can't live without.
I have never been a fan of the celebs who wear sunglasses on award or on talk shows. It's pretentious and usually they aren't even that much of a celebrity so I wonder what in the hell they can be thinking. It doesn't make you look "hot" it just makes all of us think that even the best makeup man in the world couldn't do anything about your drugged up looking eyes from days and days of doing coke or whatever is the current drug of choice and that you have bags under you eyes that would hold enough clothes to take you on a two week vacation through Europe. So it makes it worse to me when I see the thirty-something woman in the Starbucks who refuses to take off her enormo-glasses to order her morning coffee. Um...hello? Look around there are no paparazzi here and would you really want them getting a shot of your ass in those polyester "dress" capris you're wearing and that top that doesn't cover your bulging stomach? Show some courtesy, get off the cell phone, take off the glasses, order your latte and move on. I encountered such a woman the other day in my Starbucks. You know the kind I'm talking about, she is that overly loud woman on the cell phone who is trying to be trendy but as they say, "You can take the girl out of the trailer park but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl" (especially when she insists upon wearing white capris with an ass the size of a double-wide)! She has ordered (never getting off the phone or taking off the sunglasses that make her look like a bug woman from a low budget 1960's horror film) and she's going on and on to the person on the phone about, "Yeah, I know. I don't want to go over there because you know, he comes from a big EYE-talian family and they are so loud and eat a lot of pasta. You know how those EYE-talians can be." You could see people just staring at her and as she left there was an audible sigh of relief by all.
There are so many things wrong with the above scenario but the part I'm focusing on today is that with it all, she had on these enormous glasses (that had some missing rhinestones on the side of them) that had visible smears all over the lenses and a fake designer logo on the sides. They were almost as big as her head (though not as big as her ass because even the Capri pants were having difficulty being as big as that) and just looked cheap and dumb. She didn't look like Jackie O, she didn't look like Paris Hilton she just looked like another victim of the fashion knock-off industry.
While the thirty-somethings should know better you just have to just shake your head when you see a fourteen year old who is all of 5 feet tall and 75 pounds wearing the huge sunglasses that make it look as though she is Mike TeeVee from the Willy Wonka movie or that she was in some strange laboratory mishap that has left her with the body of a six year old and she needs the huge sunglasses due to the radiation poisoning from the accident. These poor kids think they're Paris, they're not but God love them for trying.
My point is that we've all put up with the radiation glasses for more than a few years now. Isn't it time for them to go away? I'm not asking that we go all the way back to the tiny Lennon sunglasses (that made everyone look like one of the three blind mice) but couldn't the fashion industry give us something a little newer? Maybe go back to the wrap skier sunglasses or the Revos or even the Vuarnet glasses (remember when everyone wore these)? As for me, I'm a classic "aviator" sunglass guy - long live the Ray-Ban! All I'm really asking is that if you wear these big glasses just take a good look at yourself in the mirror. Are they right for you or do you wear them because Paris has them? I don't care what Paris Hilton wears...your sunglasses are too big - Don't Get Me Started!
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An acquired taste, like Tab cola, Some Like It Scott is one gay man's experiences with love, life and things that make him crazy, all done to a musical theatre soundtrack.
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