New Minimalism Is The New Fashion

Vogue demonstrates their take on the New Minimalist style.
Vogue demonstrates their take on the New Minimalist style.

Fashion trends come and go, but one thing remains the same – people wear clothes. With that stunning revelation made, I now feel comfortable in exploring a new trend with you all. They're calling it 'New Minimalism', and it's as exciting as it is ostentatious and flamboyant.

What is meant by 'New Minimalism'? Put simply, new minimalism means simple colors, lots of black and whites, and the occasional extreme silhouette, because although you're being minimalistic, you don't want to commit the cardinal fashion sin of being boring whilst you do it. So if you see someone walking down the street looking like a desaturated Lady Gaga, you're probably looking at someone following the New Minimalist trend.

The term 'New Minimalism' appears to have been coined by Mark Connoly, Conde Nast Traveler Style Director (though it may very well have been coined by Janice Dickinson, of 'I was the first supermodel' fame, or Idi Amin, for all I know.)  I've embedded his video in this piece so you can enjoy him talking about travel minimalism, interspersed with bass heavy sound effects and mode synthesizer music.

If you're traveling, the new minimalism can include items such as

Shrunken Jackets - Perfect for wearing whilst you're collecting shrunken heads in South America. A shrunken jacket is essentially a proper jacket that's had the torso section cut off at the top of the waist, thereby making you look like you have freakishly long arms an Orangutan would be proud of.

White t Shirts - White t-shirts are always in. In millions of years, when the sun goes supernova and we're all forced to flee the plane, white t shirts will still be in.

Boyfriend Cardigans  - A boyfriend cardigan is an oversized cardigan designed to make you look sort of frumpy unless you wear skinny jeans, leggings, or happen to be a size 0.

New minimalism is a brilliant trend for those of us who favor monochrome fashion, ie, like to dress in black and white and off white a lot, and like to pretend that we're agents in the Matrix. Essentially, when you think of New Minimalism, think of what it would be like if Agent Smith and Neo's clothes had a fashion baby and go from there.

Go forth minimalists! Go forth and wear simple clothing, tailored neatly. Go to thy productivity pods and earn the tokens you will need in order to purchase these sleek stylings. Go forth!

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