Really Bad Quality Tattoos Part 2: The Sequel!
Welcome all to the eagerly awaited follow-up to the notorious "Really Bad Quality Tattoos". At it's height, that hub was receiving in excess of 5,000 hits per day and fielding dozens of comments, both good and bad. The good comments said something like, "Oh my God, you're right. These are atrocious." whereas the bad comments ranted and raved like, "WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE WHAT SOMEONE CHOOSES TO PUT ON THEIR BODY?!" Eventually it devolved into a back and forth tirade completely devoid of any involvement on my part, with some troll getting attack because he said tattoos were for the unemployed.
But now that the excitement from that has died down, I thought it was time to introduce a whole new assortment of really hideous tattoo designs. Most of these were collected from MySpace, Facebook, Flickr and last but not least, the badtattoos_4 community over at LiveJournal. I hope you enjoy! Or at least I hope you don't throw up.
Really Bad Tattoos
Since my last installment of really bad tattoos, I've repeatedly come across an unnerving trend in the world of body mod atrocities. I don't know where this freaky trend started, but all signs point to the Midwest. Basically, what these people do is get a tattoo on their stomach and use their belly buttons to create the illusion of an orifice. You may want to skip this batch if you're easily grossed out.
When someone looks at a tattoo, they should immediately be able to tell what image it has rendered. "Oh, that's a star, how nice" or "Hey, that's a great dolphin" are all acceptable reactions. If you show someone your brand new tat and the first thing they say is, "Oh. Uhh...that's a cowgirl...right?" you may fall into this category of horror: tattoos that are totally indecipherable.
In addition to being drawn with black permanent marker, this tat is just wrong. It's clearly a scorpion. And a woman with a shoe fetish on steroids. And is that a shoe on her tail as well?!
My brain, furtively attempting to see a likeness in that which it does not understand, tells me that this is a sun. It also tells me that this is a sun made out of poo.
I've been looking at this one for several minutes trying to come up with a caption, but I just can't figure it out. It's either a man dressed up as a dragon for the Chinese New Year or a human getting swallowed by a moon with hair. I've tried looking at it from several different angles, thinking outside the box, if you will, but I've got nothing. Does anybody have any ideas? Thanks.
Tattoos are supposed to be sharp, literally and figuratively--not smudged, blurry messes. When the lines of a tattoo are compromised, the entire image falls victim to the category of "indecipherable." In the photo above, I can tell that it's a devil eating pie at the top, but I'm totally lost when it comes to what's below his waist.
After several attempts, I was finally able to see that this was a tattoo of a wizard holding a crystal ball, surrounded by a menacing dragon. But what is he holding in his other hand? A tazer? And what is that red mess all the way to the right? It looks like it should be part of the dragon's body, yet it's done in a color that doesn't match anything else in the entire tattoo.
When it comes to tattoos (whether it's one or several) proper placement is everything. Even the smallest star tattoo will look ridiculous if placed randomly in the midst of an otherwise empty leg or back. This poor soul should have stopped at the triquetra smack dab in the middle (I say she should've stopped there because it looks like that one is the oldest) but she didn't. She just kept going, adding lizards and circles and tribal vines.
Just like this pencil that's being attacked by both two snakes and a skull, some tattoos are just freaking bizarre. Yes, perhaps they have a very particular, important meaning to the person, but unlike a crucifix or the New York City skyline or some other easily distinguishable image, they don't have any meaning to me. And I don't think I'm alone in saying they probably don't have much meaning to anyone else looking at it.
I hope you've enjoyed our tour through the madness that is the underground world of tattoos. Although to our eyes, these body mods may seem senseless, the important thing is what they mean to the person who wears them. If you like what you've got, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. What's important is how you feel about yourself and your choices. I hope you don't regret a single one.
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