The Case for Same Sox Legislation

A matched pair.
A matched pair. | Source

No, it's not a typo. I didn't mean to say same sex.

It's SOX or socks or stockings-- especially the men's and boy's kinds which come in too many varieties with different lengths, textures, elasticity and stripes.

As a mother with a husband and two sons in the same house for many years, I spent an inappropriate portion of my best years sorting sox.

I'm thinking that a few simple laws for sockmakers and sockwearers will give each mom, with three or more males in the household, an equivalent of about 1.8 years worth of additional productive time.

Instead of spending that time sorting, she can pursue a fascinating and profitable hobby, catch up on lost sleep, or go shopping.

It's more fun if you let animals help you.

Articles of proposed same sox legislation:

A. Sock makers will be required to make lots of plain white and plain black sox that all match each other in texture, ribbing, elasticity and toe reinforcement details.

Adult males over the age of 18 will ONLY be allowed to wear:
1.) plain white sox or
2.) plain black sox

The only exceptions will be:

3.) On St. Patrick's Day green socks will be allowed. An adult male will be allowed one pair of green socks which should last an entire lifetime, since they will only be worn one day a year, or twice if someone crosses the international dateline on that particular date.

4.) All citizens will still be allowed one Christmas stocking to hang by the fireplace, with the stipulation that it will NOT be worn by the owner, especially when it contains chocolate.

B. Males under 18 will wear white socks with colored stripes on the upper ribbing.

Designated sock stripe color for sons 1-6 will be printed on the birth certificate, passport, driver's license, any other legally required document and social security card of each male child.

The first born son will have red stripes, the second: orange, the third: yellow, the fourth: green, the fifth: blue, the sixth Indigo, and the seventh: violet. This follows the scientific sequence of the spectral prismatic rainbow.

Anyone with more than seven sons is on their own, because they have more problems to solve than sock sorting. (Blended families will have to figure this out for themselves.)

C. The coming of age sock ritual: Since we don't have enough modern rites of passage, this procedure will allow for a male reaching the age of 18 to exchange all of his striped socks for plain white and/or plain black sox in a significant ritualized sock ceremony .

(An adult male can have some of each-- but will get a tax deduction and government subsidy if he chooses to use ONLY white or ONLY black exclusively.)

D. A wall street type sock exchange, with professional sockbrokers will be established where socks of various values will be traded, bought and sold to benefit male-dominated families and their mothers. Sock options will be limited by the same sox legislation.

E. Badly worn socks
will be sent to sockyards, where they will be repaired, reused or recycled as appropriate.

F. Electric or propane heated socks will be banned. (They are too hard to wash, anyway.) Inflatable socks, anti-gravity socks, magnetic socks, velcro socks, microwaveable socks and socks with zippers, buttons, snaps or rubber wheels will be banned.

Benefits of the New Law

This legislation will significantly cut down on the "single unmatched sock phenomenon" which previously has resulted in baskets full of depressed, lonely, unpaired socks being stashed in the back of dark closets without hope of ever finding their perfect mate.

It will also do away with the internet sock-matching scams which have tricked a lot of sock-sorters into thinking that it is actually possible to find a "perfect match" online.

If one person's socks all match, there will never be more than one odd sock in a household -- which can always be used for to make a marble bag, sock drawer sachet, or monkey-puppet.

Commenters may feel free add suggestions to the legislation proposal.

Same Sox Legislation

What do you think?

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Comments 31 comments

2uesday profile image

2uesday 6 years ago from - on the web, I am 2uesday.

I love this hub, I was hoping it would be about this problem when I saw the title and it was.

I have spent hours trying to solve this problem it is awful when you discover slight differences after you think you have got it right. Thank you.

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 6 years ago from California Gold Country Author

Thank you, 2uesday, I knew there would be some support for this.

Tammy Lochmann profile image

Tammy Lochmann 6 years ago

LOL I was just lamenting this morning about needing to get my boy some new socks as it was dawn and I couldn't find any that matched or fit. Enjoyed.

Sincerely, Tammy

fits4life profile image

fits4life 6 years ago from Richmond

This is so funny and it is the plain truth. I'm feeling this hub. Thanks, glad to see I'm not the only one feeling this way about sox.

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 6 years ago from California Gold Country Author

Thanks, Tammy. All of us boy-mommies understand this well.

Thanks, fits4life. I only write about the truth-- well mostly, maybe at least half... BUT this one is serious! Well, not totally serious... but the truth.. you know...

Daniel Carter profile image

Daniel Carter 6 years ago from Western US

My dear, you should run for office. The only way such legislation will ever happen is if you sweep out the excess testosterone in congress and do it yourself.

Other than that, my mommy taught me to do my own laundry the first sign of puberty. And ironing. She was really hateful that way. Never let us codepend on her. ;)

I'm just so glad she saved my proverbial bum from so many other things. Mom's like you (and my Mom) just rock!

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 6 years ago from California Gold Country Author

Yes, my boys learned laundry from an early age.. as for ironing, that's a while 'nother subject. I hardly ever do it since my hubby no longer needs dress shirts for work.

Specialk3749 profile image

Specialk3749 6 years ago from Michigan

Oh so funny!! I have 4 boys and 3 girls in the house and "I" can't find a single pair of socks for myself. We have such a big sock problem, it isn't funny. My household could really use this legislation.

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 6 years ago from California Gold Country Author

I think it is either this-- or starting a fashion trend that requires mismatched socks. Thanks for reading.

Aya Katz profile image

Aya Katz 6 years ago from The Ozarks

Rochelle, I think I'm for the fashion trend that requires mismatched socks. I've already invested too much money in non-same socks and I would be hard hit financially by the proposed legislation. But I would welcome the opportunity to use the socks whose other half has somehow disappeared.

Marisa Wright profile image

Marisa Wright 6 years ago from Sydney

The Director of the NSW Art Gallery, Edmund Capon, solved this problem long ago. He became so famous for always wearing odd (brightly coloured) socks that you can now buy Edmund Capon socks in the art gallery shop - one yellow, one red, or one green and one pink, etc.

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 6 years ago from California Gold Country Author

Thanks, Aya and Marisa. There seems to be a consensus building for mismatching. Maybe I need to rethink this.

Seldon55 profile image

Seldon55 6 years ago from Somewhere in Florida

Sox, sox, sox - that's all everyone's talking about these days. Great piece. I'll get my wife to read it when she gets in, because she adamantly, totally, completely refuses to touch, wash, fold and even look at my socks! Very nice plays on words with sock yard and sock beans...eddie

agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 6 years ago from Australia

Rochelle perhaps you could start a world wide movement called "SOS" (Save our Sox) and you could be the head (foot) soxsperson ?

Great Hub, you have hit on a raw nerve and it would seem that the problem is proportional to the male population of the household!

wordscribe41 6 years ago

He he he, Rochelle. I am a complete advocate of this legislation. You are brilliant! I'm completely OVER sock reunions. I spend way to much time on this frustrating task, especially since I've got their number now and I KNOW they don't want to be paired up. They prefer to swing, frankly. Naughty things.

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 6 years ago from California Gold Country Author

Thank you, Seldon55. I guess different people have different ways of solving their sock problems.

And Agvulpes-- I'm not very political-minded. My sons have moved out and on, taking their socks with them. So I am over it.

Wordscribe41-- yes, I'm finished with trying to control them, too. I just look the other way and mind my own business. There's nothing like a big pile of mismatched socks to prove that we really have no control.

mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago

Your ideas are wonderful, I do believe you will be creating many new California jobs once these laws are in effect! There will be sock enforcers, sock checkers, and sock-law specialists who will make sure all these new laws take hold. But, I did solve the mate-less sock problem when my kids were young - bought them all white tube sox! and then it was just a question of putting the right sizes together! However, I am a sock sucker and love to look at them, even though I know it is pointless to spend $13 on a lovely pair when the first time they're washed one will disappear. It only happens with the most costly socks. I am sock obsessed now. Thank you. The sock exhibit at that shoe museum is very nice, thank you! and I am discovering now some marvelous shoes in the Virtual Shoe Museum!

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 6 years ago from California Gold Country Author

I'm having second thoughts about the whole thing, mega 1-- I'm really not in favor of having more government agencies and bureaus and bureau drawers. The plain white socks for all might be the best choice. Second choice is for all mismatched pairs.

nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA

We have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We need to embrace those of us on the fringe who may choose to push the sox envelope. Celebrate diversity!

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 6 years ago from California Gold Country Author

Thanks, nicomp. I think we agree. (You have fringe on your socks?)

nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA

I am proud to sport fringy socks!

oliversmum profile image

oliversmum 6 years ago from australia

Rochelle Frank. Hi.Wow I know where you are coming from and where you have been.

Socks, Socks and more Socks, no two the same, Even with the holes in the toes and the heels missing, they still don't match.

I fully agree with all your idea's, they are wonderful.

This hub was fabulous and I smiled all the way through it.

Thank you I am glad that your sock sorting days are in the past, still smiling. :) :)

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 6 years ago from California Gold Country Author

Thanks, oliversmum. It was worth all of that sorting if it brought some smiles.

Shinkicker profile image

Shinkicker 6 years ago from Scotland

Great Hub Rochelle

I always buy black socks, I'm a simple man.

But I think legislation would help, especially that rites of passage ceremony for 18 year olds from white to black.

Because let's face it, teenagers socks usually go from white to black anyway.

All the best

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 6 years ago from California Gold Country Author

Thanks for the comment, it's appreciated. If you are a Shinkicker, I guess black socks would be practical for all involved.

Amoure85 profile image

Amoure85 5 years ago from Bay Area

I love this!

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 5 years ago from California Gold Country Author

Thanks, Amoure85, you must have a sockpile, too.

quotations profile image

quotations 5 years ago from Canada

Very funny! :)

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 5 years ago from California Gold Country Author

Thanks, quotations. If you were the family sock sorter, you might have left off the 'very'.

nutuba profile image

nutuba 4 years ago from North Carolina

I loved this hub! Brilliantly written!

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 3 years ago from California Gold Country Author

Thank you for the nice comments, nutuba. I know you have struggled with the sock problem and truly understand that something needs to be done.

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