Underwear With Butt Pads - What Happens When The Pads Come Out?
From the Undergear catalog...
What does happen when you pull out your butt pads?
I have to say that I've always had a great ass. Maybe it's the years I spent dancing and teaching dance but whatever the reason, being a gay man, I've always found a good ass a real asset. I wasn't shocked while thumbing through the back of a recent Advocate magazine to see that they're selling underwear with butt pads in them. I've actually known about them for a long time but I suddenly started to wonder, what happens when the butt pads come out? - Don't Get Me Started!
A lot of women reading this are immediately thinking about their "cutlets" that they have in their top right hand drawer as we speak. (For those three of you who don't know, these are the new toilet paper for what we used to call "stuffing" your bra except they look like chicken cutlets thus the name and supposedly have the feel of a real breast.) The similarity between cutlets and pads is that women use their cutlets to get men and men who are using their butt pads are also trying to get men.
I had a boss years ago who struggled from not having an ass. And so I gave him the International Male catalog (Read that blog here... Remember the International Gay...I Mean, International Male Catalog?) which to no one's surprise carried the little gay man's helpers. Much like the story of Goldilocks I think the underwear came with three different sized sets of pads, too big, too small and just right (however, the one that was "just right" is in the eye of the beholder, I suppose) He bought a few pair and I have to say, while you'd never end up setting tea on his ass, there was definitely more "junk in his trunk."
But the question for me remains, what exactly do you do once you've lured your prey with the hopes of a fabulous bubble butt and it ends up being something left over from the International House of Pancakes? I get that you could discreetly slip off the underwear with the pads in it but once you've exposed yourself won't your secret be as well? Is the idea that you're hoping your newfound partner won't notice? Hardly, as I wrote about previously, the G-A-A-A-Y triple threat which is Arms, Abs and Ass. Those three things are the most important for most gay men on the prowl. Trust me if someone is interested in your due to what your ass looks like in your favorite pair of jeans, you'd better be able to deliver.
Maybe you graduate your new found pal to the real you. First date, you wear the biggest pads, second date move down to the next set and keep going until you get to the "real" you. The problem with this theory is that I think most men are using these to find the boy of their schemes at the local bar. So you'd have to either carry a man purse with your other ass options or just hope that they get drunk enough that when you get them home (or in the alley) they'll still think you have the ass of Zeus when you really have the ass of, well, you.
But as I write all of this I think it's more to do with self-esteem than asses. I'll bet the guys that have no ass feel great when they have their pads in. And good for them because shouldn't we all feel good about ourselves? And isn't it better to get that boost from cutlets or pads instead of surgery? It's just that I squeeze fruit before I buy it and the same goes for asses (back when I was in the market). So I say, use the pads if they make you feel better about yourself and know that not everyone is going to figure out your secret but eventually when the lights go out in Georgia (that's the night they hung an innocent man incidentally) you will be found out. So do it for you and know that some of us really do wonder what happens when the butt pads come out? - Don't Get Me Started!
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- Some Like It Scott!
An acquired taste, like Tab cola, Some Like It Scott is one gay man's experiences with love, life and things that make him crazy, all done to a musical theatre soundtrack.
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