Watch like the President

Chris Matthews gets a thrill
Chris Matthews gets a thrill

Watch like the President

Tidy up all the lose ends in your life so you can focus on presidential wrist apparel. Pay off the mortgage, deworm the cat, finish your homework. Don't miss out on current fashion crazes inspired by the Oval Office. It's not about telling time any more; he has a cabinet secretary for that. His wrist needs to rock the Federal Bling. A Rolex is too hoity-toity but a watch like the president plays well in Iowa.

Our Commander in Chief flashed the Jorg Gray JG6500 wrist chronometer at his inauguration. The nation held its collective breath and clicked it's collective mouse as he confidently took the Oath of Office, knowing that the precise time of day was always nearby.

high precision Japanese chronograph movement,

The Jorg Gray JG6500 Watch

Unless your forearm sports the the Jorg Gray JG6500 watch, you're telling time the old fashioned way.

  • A watch case machined from solid steel. Obviously this increases the weight of the watch when compared to carbon-fiber watch cases, but the Jorg Gray JG6500 is meaty enough to deflect gratuitous attacks from far-right wing Middle America. Bill O'Reilly cringes when the sun glints off the stem winder.
  • A genuine Italian buffalo leather strap. For uncounted millennia, immense herds of buffalo roamed the plains of Palermo. Few remain. Your Jorg Gray JG6500 immortalizes the huge stinky beast without actually having to clean up after it.
  • High precision Japanese chronograph movement. Nothing says "I'M PRESIDENTIAL" quite like offshore components.
  • Water resistant to 100 meters. We always suspected the president was a multitasking superhero. He may need to know the time as he disables a device hidden deep beneath the surface of the Potomac.
  • Scratch-resistant mineral crystal. The crystal is the transparent protection covering the watch face. You'd think a presidential watch would deserve a scratch-proof unit. Wrestling with federal deficits can get rather abrasive.

Additional Oval Office Gear

  • First Lady Orthopedic Shoes. They might look like last year's Pradas, but they provide unparalleled support throughout those interminable state dinners and Rose Garden photo ops.
  • "1600 Pennsylvania Ave" underwear. A complete line of seamless wash-and-wear poly-cotton blends offering cool comfort when the heat is on. Face the press in complete confidence as the antibacterial coating wicks away sweat and makes your policies smell a little bit better.
  • Bill of Rights trash can liner. Every time you take out the garbage you'll be reminded of what our country once was. Of course, the president has a cabinet member to do this for him.

Secret Agent Watch including Helsinki Smash Rod, Ultrasonic ear bud, and umbershoot.
Secret Agent Watch including Helsinki Smash Rod, Ultrasonic ear bud, and umbershoot.


The president can have any watch in the world. Despite the fact that holding the position of Commander-in-Chief offers a relatively paltry salary of about $400,000, the job provides sufficient perks to throw off significant spending money. It's not as if the prez has to look for an apartment; he and his family get to live in a big white house on Pennsylvania Avenue. Some presidents even invite members of their extended family to share the fun.

Perhaps he has a designer watch for every day of the week. On Monday he sports a Rolex, Tuesday a Breitling, Wednesday a Patek-Phillipe, Thursday a Tag Hauer, and Friday a Cartier. Saturday and Sunday are spent with sturdy Timex wrist-wear as he pulls weeds in the Rose Garden and helps local schoolchildren with homework.

Maybe he looks at his Blackberry when he needs a time check.

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Comments 19 comments

Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 7 years ago from Moundsville, WV


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 7 years ago from Arizona

Excellent stick this in ralphs ear!

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 7 years ago

Well done!

Springboard profile image

Springboard 7 years ago from Wisconsin

When it comes to Obama, we all know what time it is. ;)

sheila b. profile image

sheila b. 7 years ago

Great humor. Great imagination!

ehern33 profile image

ehern33 7 years ago

Awesome, your imagination was roaring with this one.

profile image

Partisan Patriot 7 years ago

Great job of pointing out the hypocrisy of this new dynamic duo that occupies the Peoples House; I especially enjoyed your Bill of Rights Trash Can Liner. Hopefully unlike most bad tenants they will not refuse to leave after We the People vote them out in 2012.

Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 7 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA

Glad to see you're supportive of our new commander-in-chief and not another anti-American conservative. It's going to take a long time to clean up the mess those two dumb rich kids made of our country for the last eight years. This President is turning things around, starting with his practical time piece. Well done Nicomp.

nicomp profile image

nicomp 7 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Ben Zoltak: ummmm.... ok.

The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

I was wondering what made him tick?

fishtiger58 profile image

fishtiger58 7 years ago from Momence, Illinois

Very funny stuff. Thanks

drbj profile image

drbj 7 years ago from south Florida

Still laughing, nicomp, this was 5-star material. The trash-can-liner-remark - priceless!

jiberish profile image

jiberish 7 years ago from florida

Standing up to applause, great job!

Niteriter profile image

Niteriter 7 years ago from Canada

Hi nicomp. It's great to see that you're a supporter of your new commander-in-chief! Those conservatives didn't have the good taste to wear a decent wristwatch, did they? Ha, ha! I hope this turns out to be a pleasing profit centre for you.

The forums could still use a little dash of nicomp zest! Cheers and best wishes.

nicomp profile image

nicomp 7 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Niteriter: We all want the prez to look good, don't we?

I don't miss the forums. Are the liberals still winning?

cjv123 profile image

cjv123 7 years ago from Michigan

You REALLY are an excellent writer!!! Fantastic!!! WELL DONE!

The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

Dad says to small son, "What you want for Christmas?"

Kid says "I wanna watch!"

Dad goes away, comes back to son later and says "It's OK with me but I talked it over with your mother and she's too shy!"


nicomp profile image

nicomp 7 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@The Old Firm: groannn!

nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

Still one of my favorites.

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