Will Someone Please Explain Fake Eyeglasses To Me?

as well as the rest of the "cosmically-talented" Beatles. Who didn't? I grew up with the Beatles. Loved their songs. Albums. And the off-beat movies they produced. To me, life was never the same when they decided that they had enough fame and money and it was time to split-up leaving us, the Beatle fans shocked, depressed and not able to eat solid food for a week. Yeah, that was a very caring move, guys.

Toward the end of the Beatles' careers, I had a problem that started out as a minor annoyance and over the course of time, it grew into an aggravating sore in my soul that never healed. It wasn't how Yoko Ono supposedly helped to break-up the greatest band of all-time. It wasn't the Beatles visit with a guru to learn inner-peace. It was, of all things senseless, John Lennon's choice of wearing fake eyeglasses.

That's right. Fake eyeglasses. Did you ever notice that the eyeglasses with circular, gold rims Lennon sported in photos, public and in protests for peace, were fake? Where were your heads, people? I saw it. And didn't like it. Still don't like it. And if I live to see 78, I still won't like it.

I can still see photos of Lennon on-line when I am doing research for hubs, and this same old pestering, burning question of, "why did you wear fake eyeglasses, John?" simply won't go away. It sticks its ugly head up. Looks around. And chuckles to itself and seeps back inside of me to come out again another day.

I'm not being anti-Lennon. Don't be mislead. I love John Lennon and his works as much as the next fella, but this one area of his image I still do not understand. The burning-urge to be seen in fake eyeglasses.

Yes, I could easily-understand his addiction to fake glass, but come on. Even Beethoven in his off-center idiocyncries, wasn't this far over the edge. I guess John and need to wear fake eyeglasses was his way of being a complexity, a musical mystery and a book unread when he left us that one fatal Monday night in front of his apartment building.

Here is a short-list of famous people who DIDN'T wear fake eyeglasses, but were as famous as John Lennon . . .

• Jimi Hendrix (sunglasses, even while sober)
• Eric Clapton (aviator sunglasses)
• Mary Ann Faithful (Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones, girlfriend)
• Jim Morrison ("granny" glasses--bi-focals)
• John Croce (regular sunglasses)
• Buddy Holly (his eyeglasses were REAL)
• Marty Balin (Jefferson Airplane)
• Janis Joplin (she only wore huge sunglasses)

You see, my friends, not everyone wore fake eyeglasses to keep their "flame of fame" burning either in the music or movie industry. But I am just concentating on the music industry in his hub. Now here is a short-list of famous people who DID wear the occasional pair of fake eyeglasses while enjoying their massive amount of fame . . .

• Dick Cavett (talk show host on ABC)
• Roger Moore (once married to actress Ann-Margaret)
• Mike Nesmith (of the Monkees)
• Robert Vaughn (Man from U.N.C.L.E.)
• Dr. Spock (child-rearing expert)
• Leonard Nimoy (do I really have to tell you what he did on television?
• Werner Klemperer (Col. Klink, Hogan's Heroes)
• Frank Zappa (musical genius, Mothers of Invention

Back to fake eyeglasses and my overall point is this. Why wear fake eyeglasses, or anything fake, if it doesn't work? Were the famous men and women who wore fake eyeglasse "more" famous than regular celebrites who didn't embarrass themselves with fake eyeglasses? Did the celebrities who wore fake eyeglasses have better vision? I don't see how when the glass their eyes looked through was regular, garden-variety glass. No amplification of vision. No "eyes like a hawk," when wearing fake eyeglasses. Just for the sheer pleasure of telling you and I, "Heyyyy, look at me! I am very famous. I wear fake eyeglasses," that is all I can deduce.

To me . . .fake eyeglasses were as useful as:

• Icemakers to Eskimos
• White paint to ghosts
• Hot air to the sun
• Two extra strings on a six-string guitar
• Turbo-Boost built into a rabbit
• Red Cross blood bank to Count Dracula
• "My" corny one-liners to George Carlin
• Laziness to a stubborn mule

and I could tell you more, but I think that I have made my point in a convincing manner. The only way to make a point. I like to "leave it on the hub," when I am making my point about the subject I am talking about.

Here are the only reasons that I find that are remotely-feasible for celebrities wearing fake eyeglasses . . .

• To be cool
• To stand out from the crowd--even their own celebrity crowd
• Insecurities
• Wanting to hide behind something
• To be novel. Unique
• To be talked about by people such as myself
• To make a statement, "I made it in the music or show business."
• Most every celebrity was doing this to protest the Vietnam War

Not everyone could wear fake eyeglasses. Not everyone was geared to wear these "items of vanity" that only took up space on some celebrities' eyes. It took someone with guts, nerve and an independent spirit to face ridicule and fun-making because of their love for fake eyeglasses.

Taking the first item on the above list, 'To be cool," I wanted to share with you, a would-be interview with an illusive, reclusive and ultra-cool man who wouldn't go out without his fake eyeglasses.

ME: Hi. Thank you for your time to allow me to ask you one question.

COOL MAN: Oh, uhhh, yeah, man. No sweat.

ME: My one and only question to you is . . .why do you wear fake eyeglasses?

COOL MAN: Oh, ha, ha, well you see, I am making a personal statement against "the establishment," and "the man," on how I, and very-famous people such as myself, cannot stand the Vietnam War. That's why, my good man.

ME: Okay. cool, but how is that helping to stop the Vietnam War?

COOL MAN: Well, I see it like this, man. The Viet Cong will get word of us, the super-famous celebrities of music and movies in the states and see how unmoved and fearless our "unreal" eyeglasses make us look that they will be demoralized and give up.

ME: Oh, don't you mean, "fake" eyeglasses instead of "unreal"?

COOL MAN: Ha, ha, well, yeah, man. Same difference. Don't you think that wearing "fake" eyeglasses makes me look cool, laid-back and oblivious to violence, such as in the Vietnam War?

ME: Not really. To me, you look like someone trying to masquerade yourself from someone, or something.

COOL MAN: Uhhh, well, hey, I don't do that many drugs, man. I just want to "look" like I am a member in good standing with the "in crowd." And . . .and . . .hey, man, even my purebred poodle wears fake eyeglasses . . .don't tell any of my celebrity friends I used the word "fake."

ME: I won't, and that song, "The In Crowd," Ramsey Lewis released that song. And DIDN'T wear fake eyeglasses.

COOL MAN: (gulp), I got to split, man. "Aquarius," my purebred poodle needs to urinate.

Here is what people who (used to) wear fake eyeglasses looked like when appearing in public:

• Childish (playing make-believe)
• Pretentious
• Condescending
• Self-absorbed
• Above regular people
• Arrogant
• Stupid (for wearing an item that did NOT work)
• Following the crowd

And before I shut this hub down, I want to give you a "surprise list" of famous people who wouldn't look good at all if they wore fake eyeglasses . . .

• Nancy Pelosi (former Speaker of The House)
• Barbara Walters
• Vice-president, Joe Biden
• Meg Ryan
• Jonah Hill (co-star of "22 Jump Street")
• Mike Wallace (CBS 60 Minutes)
• Sister Teresa
• Lady GaGa (on second thought, who'd know if she were wearing fake eyeglasses?)

Maybe I am too old fashioned. Maybe I am behind the times. And maybe I am "out of the loop," but I was raised to believe that we were only to use things that were made to be used to benefit our society, health, peace of mind and overall well-being.

But wearing fake eyeglasses? They simply do not work, dude. Why bother putting on a pair of eyeglasses that you know ahead of time are FAKE?

It's very similar to reading a fake hub, written by a fake hub writer.

Not very interesting.