You Need An Expensive Watch
Spend your money on a watch
Your cell phone, microwave, DVR, toaster, car, and pacemaker all have clocks. Ignore them. You need an expensive watch. You need a timekeeping device that clings to your wrist and costs more than your first house. No one will love you unless the cost of your watch rivals the GDP of an average European country. Mortgage your vacation home. Sink the money into a jewel-encrusted calculator affixed to your smoothly tanned forearm. It's all good.
Social pressures conspire to force otherwise sentient humans into emotional purchases. Neighbors, friends, and business associates judge us by our chronological accoutrement. Initial meetings are punctuated by a sly glance at the wrist: why do you think we shake hands? Climbing the ladder of business success becomes impossible without a watch subtly informing your peers that you have more dollars than sense.
Concord Crystale Ladies' Watch 18K White Gold and Pink Sapphire Silver Diamond
Nothing makes your wrist scream like a universe of pink sapphires glued to a bracelet and hooked to a tiny clock. Spending 36 months of pre-tax salary has never been so hideously easy. There are some diamonds too.
Order two: get one for each wrist to achieve a balanced look. Symmetrical ostentatious conspicuous consumption is all the rage.
The price? If you have to ask, you've already embarrassed yourself and your polo team. Loot your trust fund today.
Rolex Mens Yellow Gold Super President Champagne Dial Diamond Bezel
The President may not wear this watch, but you certainly can. it's so cool that the numbers are diamonds. The hands are diamonds, the stem is a diamond, and the case is a huge case-shaped diamond. Every 24 hours the date changes. The band has diamonds stuck in it. There's a border of special diamonds surrounding the watch face, which is also made of diamonds.
This watch comes with a free human who will look at it and tell you what time it is.
Chopard Women's 277480-1001 Happy Sport Diamond Gold Watch
No Starbucks barista can resist the urge to release an extra squirt of toffee nut syrup when the hand proffering payment is connected to a wrist sporting a Chopard Happy Sport watch. Or something like that.
Chopard uses diamonds the way McDonald's uses salt. Kick back and enjoy the admiration of your poker buddies as they gape in inevitable awe at what must be the most obviously ostentatious timekeeping device ever affixed to a human with a buckle.
Bulova Women's 98W04 Marine Star Diamond Chronograph Watch
Marines love expensive watches. Earnest enlistees long for the status afforded by a footlocker filled with jewel-encrusted timepieces. Your favorite recruit will complete basic training with skill and aplomb.
This amazing and amazingly expensive device does so much more than offer up the current time. An array of dials and gizmos serve up complementary timing data such as minutes and seconds. No one will ever be bored while standing at parade rest as long as they have this mechanical marvel to fidget with.
Supplemental Watch Resources
- Movie Spoiler - The $49 Rolex
From the opening scene in a Wal Mart bathroom: "Affecting social change through fashionable wrist wear hardly qualifies as a weekend dalliance, but even even cowgirls get the blues." To the closing montage...
- How to Identify a Fake Rolex
Welcome to the Institute for the Painfully Obvious. Today we delve into topics heretofore undelved by modern researchers. Our PhDs, private investigators, and Geraldo Rivera aspirants present foolproof methodologies for discerning the subtle nuances
- Watch like the President
Tidy up all the lose ends in your life so you can focus on presidential wrist apparel. Pay off the mortgage, deworm the cat, finish your homework. Don't miss out on current...
Joe Rodeo Watches: Joe Rodeo Junior 10.5.ct RJJU8
Imagine the envy and respect emitted by your friends when you stroll into the Senior Center adorned with a Joe Rodeo individually numbered and engraved wristwatch. They'll be talking about you behind your back for a long time. Joe Rodeo exemplifies the epitome of sparkling diamond-encrusted things that can be purchased for a lot of money.
This particular model offers 4 dials, 3 stems, and more diamonds than Elizabeth Taylor's will. Clamp it around your bony wrist for instant appendage status. Rocket your forearm into the upper stratosphere of dazzle. You will never be mistaken for a normal person ever again.
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