Funny Christmas Quotes, Christmas Status Updates And Memes

A page of funny Christmas quotes, Christmas status updates and memes to use on your Facebook and Twitter timeline over the festive season.

Christmas Quotes And Statuses:

  • They say, when you stop believing in Santa you start receiving underwear, and I don't mind that because I'm really in need of new underwear this Christmas!
  • I don't want much for Christmas... I Just want the people reading this to be healthy, happy and loved.
  • It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.
  • Deck the halls with booze and lollies, fa la la la la, la la la la.
  • Come and be silly with me this season!
  • It's beginning to look a lot like... Cocktails!
  • I'm beginning to shop a lot like Christmas.
  • Christmas, the only time of the year I will happily accept gifts given to me in an old sock.
  • Christmas is the only time I will sit around a dead tree and celebrate.
  • Santa saw your profile, now you're getting a cup of man up for Christmas.
  • Santa saw your profile and thinks you've been very naughty this year.
  • Time to decorate the tree, dress it up splendidly.
  • One drink for every ball on the tree is not a good idea. I learned that today.
  • Oh wow! Santa has the same wrapping paper as mommy!
  • I hope you enjoy your gifts because now I'm broke, and I can't go anywhere this Christmas and possibly not anywhere until next Christmas...
  • That awesome moment when you're cutting Christmas paper and the scissors start to glide.
  • This Christmas I hope you get merry and have a Happy New Year.
  • Santa saw your Facebook profile. Now you're getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas :)
  • I'll be your sun dear, I'll be your reindeer! Merry Christmas.
  • Please Santa, I've been good all year... Most of the time... Sometimes... Ok, Don't worry I'll buy my own Christmas presents.
  • You've made my dreams come true, baby all I want for Christmas is you!
  • It's Christmas, come get merry with me!
  • I have nothing else to wish for - I already have you! Merry Christmas.
  • Dear Santa, I want it all!
  • I'm trying to get into the Christmas spiri but I can't open the bottle!
  • Baby, all I want for Christmas is shoes!
  • Keep calm and sparkle this season!
  • Keep calm and put on your Santa Suit.
  • Keep calm and say "Ho! Ho! Ho!"
  • Keep calm come celebrate Christmas with me!
  • Keep calm and be merry.
  • Keep calm and sing a Christmas Carol.
  • Keep calm it's almost Christmas.
  • Kiss me! It's Christmas!
  • Keep calm and yell "Fa la la la la, la la la la!"
  • Wishing you a Tweet Christmas.
  • May all your dreams come true this Christmas and all year through.
  • Here's some mistletoe - Now pucker up and kiss me!
  • Every day is Christmas because I have you!
  • Santa won't be coming this year... He died laughing when you said you'd been a good girl.
  • Santa, just leave me a list of the names of all the naughty girls.
  • Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is my own Island so I don't have to deal with any stupid people.
  • I believe Santa is so jolly because of all the beer we leave out for him.
  • I'm not drunk, I'm in a merry Christmas state of mind.
  • Christmas comes but once a year and when it comes it brings good cheer.
  • Tis the silly season, come celebrate with me!
  • Spending Christmas with you is all my dreams come true.
  • When you have Christmas in your heart it doesn't matter what's under the tree.
  • You would look very good wrapped up under my Christmas tree.
  • Not expecting much this Christmas. I've been quite naughty.
  • I'm expecting a truck load this Christmas. I've been very, very good!
  • Oh come let me adore you, oh come let me adore you...
  • Tongue Twister: I put sparkly fabric on Simon's Santa Suit.
  • Tongue Twister: Santa stuffed my silk stocking with short sparkly socks.
  • I saw your Facebook photos and I'm sending you to rehab... Merry Christmas!
  • If you're good you can be on Santa's list, if you're naughty you can be on my Friend list.
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  • Not a creature was stirring except for the parents tip toeing around the house in the dark to hide the presents under the tree without waking the kids.
  • I love receiving gifts and eating cake with custard, singing carols and decorating the tree. But seriously the best part about Christmas is having a few days off to relax with my family.
  • Dear Santa, I was good at being naughty, does that count for anything?
  • Christmas comes but once a year. Thank goodness otherwise I'd always be broke.
  • Waiting, waiting, waiting, for Christmas to come and bring me cheer, or beer, or something to make me feel better!
  • Will someone explain what it means to deck the halls?
  • Forget wishing me a Merry Christmas, just come around and jingle my bells!
  • Roses are red so is Santa's suit, have I told you that I think you're cute?
  • Tis the season to be jolly. Get out your purse and grab your shopping trolley...
  • I'm putting mistletoe in my back pocket so everyone can kiss my backside!
  • That disappointing moment when you realise Santa has the same wrapping paper and handwriting as your parents.
  • I hope Santa leaves me a skinny body and a fat wallet, not the other way around like it was last year.
  • Christmas is my favourite time of the year because I can blame my ongoing weight issues on over-eating during the holidays...
  • Hey baby, do you want some special Christmas gifts ;)
  • Why is Santa always jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls are.
  • It's Christmas time AND I AM ON THE INTERNET.
  • It's time to get merry and celebrate the season.
  • I miss all the presents I used to get when I believed in Santa.
  • Only those who work in retail know the real meaning of Christmas.
  • I filed my nails sharp and rolled around on the beach... I'm now Sandy Claws.
  • Glory. Love. Peace. Come on! We all just want presents!
  • Singing loud for all to hear, so that I spread my Christmas cheer!
  • Be naughty (Save Santa the trip).
  • Any time I'm given presants is a wonderful time of year! Merry Christmas!
  • Christmas is a magical time of year... I just watched all my money magically disappear.
  • Drinking spirits... In the spirit of Christmas!
  • I'm dreaming of a white Christmas... And when the white is finnished I'll start on the red.
  • I love Christmas because I can shop, and shop and shop as much as I like without feeling guilty for it.
  • All I want for Christmas is enough alcohol to get me through Christmas.
  • Yeah I was naughty this year, but it was SO worth it! Happy Christmas!

Author: SticktlyDating - Wishing you all a very happy Christmas!

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Comments 11 comments

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stricktlydating 2 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks John :)


Johnf55 2 years ago

Wow! This could be one particular of the most useful blogs We've ever arrive across on this subject. Basically Wonderful. I'm also a specialist in this topic so I can understand your hard work. dgdakabdgggd


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stricktlydating 3 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks DDE and Christmas is coming up so fast! Where has the year gone!


DDE profile image

DDE 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Cute Funny Christmas Status Updates And Quotes so useful and hilarious well done all your interesting quotes.


kidscrafts profile image

kidscrafts 3 years ago from Ottawa, Canada

A very nice collection of quotes about Christmas :-) Humor is always good...whatever the season!


John MacNab profile image

John MacNab 3 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

Even with mistletoe in my back pocket nobody would kiss my butt. Funny hub strictlydating.


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stricktlydating 3 years ago from Australia Author

Merry Christmas pstraubie48 and thankyou for your comment :)


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida

Too cute ...my favorite is the one that says...forget it, I'll buy my own Christmas presents...love it. I am passing these on to my friends...Sending you some Angels :) ps


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stricktlydating 3 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks for your comments Lady e and Nanderson500! And wishing you both a wonderful Christmas :)


nanderson500 profile image

nanderson500 3 years ago from Seattle, WA

Great quotes, especially the ones about alcohol! Voted up and funny.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 3 years ago from London, UK

Beautiful I really enjoyed it. I'll probably be singing "Oh come let me adore" you in Church Xmas Carols, but let's hope the Microphone is not close by. :-)

Merry Xmas too.

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