From install to insane: The five stages of installation without an uninstaller

Software install with no uninstaller: The crazed raccoon of software

Have you found a great looking piece of software, installed it and regretted it every day since? Badly made software without an effective uninstaller is liked inviting a crazed raccoon in to your home. It hangs around causing havoc when you least expect it, pops up when you wish it wouldn't and you when it's not around you can't shake the feeling that it's hiding someplace chewing on the wiring.

Without further stretching the metaphor, I present to you:


Hope springs eternal, even though it shouldn't. Nor should you click on 'install'.
Hope springs eternal, even though it shouldn't. Nor should you click on 'install'.

The five stages of installation

Hope.

It springs eternal. There's no supressing hope, even though it is so incredibly unlikely that the software you just bought called EasyFormat 5000 is actually going to format or be easy or even bare any connection to the number 5000.

But hope won't let that stop you!

Disappointment is what hope plus reality equals. An uninstaller for this emotion would be excellent right about now.
Disappointment is what hope plus reality equals. An uninstaller for this emotion would be excellent right about now.

Disappointment.

This is in direct proportion to the level of Hope you were feeling 10 minutes ago. Here's where reality comes crashing through your mental lounge room like that crazy raccoon we discussed earlier. Not only is the software bad, it's offensively bad and makes you feel like you just bought a used truck tire from a Ukrainian car salesman because he told you it would fit on your scooter.

Frustration. It's what teeth grinding was invented for. Dentists love frustration.
Frustration. It's what teeth grinding was invented for. Dentists love frustration.

Frustration.

It was bad enough to realize the software was coded by teenagers studying woodwork but now there's no uninstaller to remove it and all its 14,239 DLL files and nifty PRGn_$@8 Reg fix alterations to your RAM bus autostart flux-boing zap zap dongles. That's right, you have no idea what this software has left scattered through your hard drive. Like that crazy raccoon, leaving little raccoon droppings inside all your draws.

Aggravation. An uninstaller might have saved you this but my telling you is only going to aggravate you more, so forget I said anything.
Aggravation. An uninstaller might have saved you this but my telling you is only going to aggravate you more, so forget I said anything.

Aggravation.

Ok, so now you are the crazed one. This software just keeps on keeping on. It's there when you power up, it wants you to register, or to tell you it's missing something, like a .DLL file to do something you didn't ask it to do. You keep finding shortcuts to it on your desktop, like the calling card of some kind of invisible idiot. Here's where steam would come from your ears, if your head was an actual steam boiler and didn't just feel like it.

Desperation. You'll try ANYTHING to get rid of this $*#$(@ software. Uninstalling your entire operating system seems reasonable.
Desperation. You'll try ANYTHING to get rid of this $*#$(@ software. Uninstalling your entire operating system seems reasonable.

Desperation.

Last and final phase. If we're talking metaphorical raccoons you'd be seriously considering having your house condemned and rebuilt just to get rid of the furry terrorist. Giving thought to reinstalling Windows or just dragging your whole Programs folder to the recycle bin is the first sign of stage 5 installation with no uninstaller insanity.

Now that you've passed through the five stages of installation, and in all seriousness, you need a third party uninstaller like Revo. I can only look back and laugh because I now have a heat-seeking missile to eradicate runaway software infestations.

Time to clean house, crazy raccoon!

If you have comments, I'd love to hear from you.

More by this Author


Comments 7 comments

RTalloni profile image

RTalloni 5 years ago from the short journey

Good stuff, very good stuff. :)


Fertile Forest profile image

Fertile Forest 5 years ago from Sydney, Australia Author

RTalloni, you've made my day. Thank you.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 5 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Fertile Forest, what a wonderful way of writing this concept! I absolutely loved it!

I also have some great news for you. Your hub is a Hubnuggets nominee! Yes, please, follow this link and see for yourself! http://bit.ly/hv3VHi


Butch News 5 years ago

True life stories. Been there.


Fertile Forest profile image

Fertile Forest 5 years ago from Sydney, Australia Author

Thank you both.


elayne001 profile image

elayne001 5 years ago from Rocky Mountains

I have totally had that happen to me - except for the gun. Anyways - great hub. Congrats on your nomination.


Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah Demander 5 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

Congratulations on your hubnuggets nomination. This hub is funny, but painfully so. I have a family of unwanted raccoons living in my computer, and something must be done. Great job.

Namaste.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working