Cheeky, Funny Quotes And Status Updates

Very funny status updates. Silly, quirky and cheeky statuses. A huge collection of short funny quotes for you to use as funny tweets and funny Facebook status updates! A page you can share on your timeline to entertain your friends. Tap on any photo to share.

Cheeky, Funny Statuses:

  • The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
  • If you're cooler than me, does that make me hotter than you?
  • Just asked my Grandma to explain how the hashtag on her landline works!
  • Sure you look hot. But how many people would you impress if the world were blind?
  • I can't believe drawing a black line across my eye lids makes me feel ten times prettier!
  • 80% of socks are single, many of them alone and you don't see them being all dramatic about it!
  • Will someone please love Taylor Swift so she'll be quiet.
  • 6 Glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 6 pints in 2 hours can be a breeze!
  • Mom: "Are you talking back to me?" Me: "Why yes, that's how communication usually works".
  • Your clothes are making me uncomfortable. Please take them off!
  • I get so disappointed when I go to unfriend someone and they've beat me to it!
  • There are some people I wish I could un-meet.
  • Trust me, when I woke up today I didn't plan on being this irrisistible.
  • I like being single, I'm always there when I need me.
  • If if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me and we can make fun of people together.
  • I'll show you my Australian if you show me your Brazilian.
  • I love my bed. But I'd rather be in yours.
  • Justin can put his timber in my lake.
  • OK, OK I take it back! Unscrew you!
  • I was going to give you a filthy look... Then I realised you already have one.
  • If I end up going to hell it will take me a week to realise I am not at work.
  • I am so hungover I seriously considered rolling down the stairs instead of walking.
  • I was so tipsy last night when I walked across the dance floor to get another drink I won the dance competition.
  • Don't touch MY iPhone. It's not an usPhone, a wePhone or an ourPhone it's an iPhone!
  • They say to think before you speak. But I'm going to have a drink and tell you exactly what I think.
  • Friday is my 2nd favourite F word.
  • I checked my calender and I won't give a toss about you tomorrow either.
  • I don't want a job. I just want money.
  • "LOOOOL" - Oh, so you're laughing out, out, out, out loud!
  • I've been known to flash people! (With my camera)
  • "I wasn't that drunk", "Dude you asked your girlfriend if she was single!".
  • Are you reading this from the toilet? Because I am writing this from the toilet.
  • I accept that you are close minded. Would you mind being closed mouthed as well?
  • I didn't realise you were and expert on my life. Please continue while I take notes.
  • Home is where you can say anything you want because nobody listens to you anyway.
  • He keeps toenail clippings on his bedside table, to chew on when his finger nails are too short.
  • The normal rules don't apply to me (Because I have large breasts).
  • Sometimes I wonder how some people don't choke on all the crap that comes out of their mouth!
  • Here's a list of the number of people who care what you think ... ... ...
  • All my friends are getting married and having babies. I'm just getting more awesome.
  • I'll always be there for you. But only on facebook. So don't go calling me up with all your issues.
  • Just because you know my name doesn't mean I want you to request me as your Facebook friend.
  • Everyone has an addiction. Mine just happens to be you!
  • Saying you're going to clean up your friends list is just a nice way of saying "Time to get rid rid of people who annoy me so much!"
  • Fandroids: People who are a fan of android devices.
  • Fanipad: A person who is a a fan of ipads.
  • Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.
  • I want Facebook to let me know when someone delete's me, so I can 'like' it.
  • When I'm lonely I set the alarm on my phone to go off every 15 minutes so I can pretend people are messaging me.
  • Just so you know the whole office heard the message you left me. And booed!
  • I just cooked a can of baked beans in the jug in my hotel room and used the iron to make toast... So bow to your new god!
  • That moment when you're sitting in a room wondering who would die if the fan fell down.
  • I prefer to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically.
  • I never thought I would have called my ex. You win again Vodka.
  • Drinking promotes freedom of speech. Call me later and I'll tell you exactly what I think about you.
  • Getting married at 18 seems similar to leaving a party at 8:30pm.
  • "You look nice today!" sounds like you're saying I was ugly yesterday.
  • I don't need a wife. I need wifi.
  • Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.
  • I'd rather eat my McDonalds than worry about if I have a thigh gap.
  • Everything happens for a reason but sometimes the reason is because you are stupid.
  • If you don't have anything nice to say, sit near me and we can make fun of people together.
  • I have PMS and GPS, which means I'm nasty AND I will find you.
  • If you were a vegetable you'd be a cabBITCH.
  • Time flys when you're throwing watches.
  • PMS jokes are not funny. Period.

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Funny Quotes For Facebook
Funny Quotes For Facebook | Source
Funny meme.
Funny meme.
Funny meme.
Funny meme.
  • When you split up with your ex, just yell "UNFOLLOW!" and walk away Like a boss.
  • I want to see other people. Until I'm absolutely certain I can't do better than you.
  • I hate to rub it in, but sunscreen doesn't work otherwise.
  • Since you have 500 friends on Facebook, I'm really surprised you need to take your own profile photo.
  • The older I get the more I realise people annoy me.
  • Put my 2 man tent up in my lounge room, put the heater on and moved in. So I can feel like I'm on summer holidays this winter.
  • You know you're lazy when you get overly excited about cancelled plans.
  • Home... A place I can look ugly and enjoy it.
  • I am proficient in 2 languages. English and Profanity.
  • I'm not much of a morning person. I don't like mornings and I don't like people.
  • I'm so not a morning person. I could not even be friends with a person called Dawn.
  • My glass is half full but it has at least 6 different things in it.
  • Lucky I held in my fart all morning. It came in handy when I wanted the sales man to go away.
  • I taste so good you'll be begging for the recipe!
  • "You're so hot!" I whispered to my food when I took it out of the oven.
  • You look like something I'd draw with my left hand.
  • Don't go broke trying to look rich!
  • You look like I need a strong drink.
  • You know the instinct you have not to open your mouth when you want to say something nasty. Unfortunately I don't have that.
  • I didn't say I don't want to work. I said I don't want to Twirk!
  • Many a good friendship is built on a solid foundation of alcohol and inappropriateness.
  • May your life someday be more interesting than you make it out to be on Facebook.
  • If you can't stand me why don't you sit.
  • There's a time and a place for decaf coffee. Never, and in the bin.
  • I can't remember a time where I cared less.
  • Tired? There's a nap for that.
  • Ignorance can be educated. Crazy can be medicated... But there is no cure for stupid.
  • If one size really did fit all what would my size be?

Author: StricktlyDating


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Hubpages writer StricktlyDating retains copyright over the text and images on this page, please don't copy full text paragraphs or the meme's on this page. You can tap any image on this page to share it on your social media timeline.

StricktlyDating's Funny About Me Quotes On Youtube:

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Reader Poll

How often do you update your Facebook Status?

  • Seems like every 5 minutes
  • About once a day
  • Maybe once a week
  • I don't post my own. I just read my friends status updates
See results without voting

© 2012 StricktlyDating

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Comments 13 comments

stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 22 months ago from Australia Author

Thanks peachpurple :)


peachpurple profile image

peachpurple 22 months ago from Home Sweet Home

some of these status are useful and funny as a side line, voted useful


stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 2 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks Carrie, it was wonderful to receive your positive feedback:)


carrie Lee Night profile image

carrie Lee Night 2 years ago from Northeast United States

I LOVED this ! This is happiness in a box ! Voted very funny :). Thank you for putting some pep in my step. Keep them wanting more :). Thank you for sharing.


stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 2 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks for sharing your fav :)


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

You have some funny ones. My favorite is, "May your life someday be more interesting than you make it out to be on Facebook."


stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 4 years ago from Australia Author

Thanks for reading and commenting DDE :)


DDE profile image

DDE 4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

An interesting Hub, thanks for sharing


stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 4 years ago from Australia Author

Wow! So lovely to receive all of your fantastic feedback on my latest Hub, it's very inspriational thank you! :)


CyberShelley profile image

CyberShelley 4 years ago

Pretty funny most of them and a couple of ouchs! Up and funny.


Bedbugabscond profile image

Bedbugabscond 4 years ago from United States

I am really careful about my status updates. I know that future employers, landlords, schools, friends and potential boyfriends will all judge me by my facebook timeline!


diogenes profile image

diogenes 4 years ago from UK and Mexico

I love the wanting to throw yourself downstairs. When i was a drunk, many moons ago, I used to throw myself off barstools backwards to impress dates. And dive down flights of stairs on the street and never hurt myself. You feel like you're made of rubber!!

Funny hub...Bob


tom hellert profile image

tom hellert 4 years ago from home

HMM reminds me i have to change my status to... presently in solid phase of matter although my wife will say Im mostly gas.

I did post- as a kid "I was much shorter when i was a kid but I grew out of it"

interesting hubb.

TH

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