Cheeky, Funny Quotes And Status Updates
Very funny status updates. Silly, quirky and cheeky statuses. A huge collection of short funny quotes for you to use as funny tweets and funny Facebook status updates! A page you can share on your timeline to entertain your friends. Tap on any photo to share.
Cheeky, Funny Statuses:
- The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
- If you're cooler than me, does that make me hotter than you?
- Just asked my Grandma to explain how the hashtag on her landline works!
- Sure you look hot. But how many people would you impress if the world were blind?
- I can't believe drawing a black line across my eye lids makes me feel ten times prettier!
- 80% of socks are single, many of them alone and you don't see them being all dramatic about it!
- Will someone please love Taylor Swift so she'll be quiet.
- 6 Glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 6 pints in 2 hours can be a breeze!
- Mom: "Are you talking back to me?" Me: "Why yes, that's how communication usually works".
- Your clothes are making me uncomfortable. Please take them off!
- I get so disappointed when I go to unfriend someone and they've beat me to it!
- There are some people I wish I could un-meet.
- Trust me, when I woke up today I didn't plan on being this irrisistible.
- I like being single, I'm always there when I need me.
- If if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me and we can make fun of people together.
- I'll show you my Australian if you show me your Brazilian.
- I love my bed. But I'd rather be in yours.
- Justin can put his timber in my lake.
- OK, OK I take it back! Unscrew you!
- I was going to give you a filthy look... Then I realised you already have one.
- If I end up going to hell it will take me a week to realise I am not at work.
- I am so hungover I seriously considered rolling down the stairs instead of walking.
- I was so tipsy last night when I walked across the dance floor to get another drink I won the dance competition.
- Don't touch MY iPhone. It's not an usPhone, a wePhone or an ourPhone it's an iPhone!
- They say to think before you speak. But I'm going to have a drink and tell you exactly what I think.
- Friday is my 2nd favourite F word.
- I checked my calender and I won't give a toss about you tomorrow either.
- I don't want a job. I just want money.
- "LOOOOL" - Oh, so you're laughing out, out, out, out loud!
- I've been known to flash people! (With my camera)
- "I wasn't that drunk", "Dude you asked your girlfriend if she was single!".
- Are you reading this from the toilet? Because I am writing this from the toilet.
- I accept that you are close minded. Would you mind being closed mouthed as well?
- I didn't realise you were and expert on my life. Please continue while I take notes.
- Home is where you can say anything you want because nobody listens to you anyway.
- He keeps toenail clippings on his bedside table, to chew on when his finger nails are too short.
- The normal rules don't apply to me (Because I have large breasts).
- Sometimes I wonder how some people don't choke on all the crap that comes out of their mouth!
- Here's a list of the number of people who care what you think ... ... ...
- All my friends are getting married and having babies. I'm just getting more awesome.
- I'll always be there for you. But only on facebook. So don't go calling me up with all your issues.
- Just because you know my name doesn't mean I want you to request me as your Facebook friend.
- Everyone has an addiction. Mine just happens to be you!
- Saying you're going to clean up your friends list is just a nice way of saying "Time to get rid rid of people who annoy me so much!"
- Fandroids: People who are a fan of android devices.
- Fanipad: A person who is a a fan of ipads.
- Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.
- I want Facebook to let me know when someone delete's me, so I can 'like' it.
- When I'm lonely I set the alarm on my phone to go off every 15 minutes so I can pretend people are messaging me.
- Just so you know the whole office heard the message you left me. And booed!
- I just cooked a can of baked beans in the jug in my hotel room and used the iron to make toast... So bow to your new god!
- That moment when you're sitting in a room wondering who would die if the fan fell down.
- I prefer to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically.
- I never thought I would have called my ex. You win again Vodka.
- Drinking promotes freedom of speech. Call me later and I'll tell you exactly what I think about you.
- Getting married at 18 seems similar to leaving a party at 8:30pm.
- "You look nice today!" sounds like you're saying I was ugly yesterday.
- I don't need a wife. I need wifi.
- Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.
- I'd rather eat my McDonalds than worry about if I have a thigh gap.
- Everything happens for a reason but sometimes the reason is because you are stupid.
- If you don't have anything nice to say, sit near me and we can make fun of people together.
- I have PMS and GPS, which means I'm nasty AND I will find you.
- If you were a vegetable you'd be a cabBITCH.
- Time flys when you're throwing watches.
- PMS jokes are not funny. Period.
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- When you split up with your ex, just yell "UNFOLLOW!" and walk away Like a boss.
- I want to see other people. Until I'm absolutely certain I can't do better than you.
- I hate to rub it in, but sunscreen doesn't work otherwise.
- Since you have 500 friends on Facebook, I'm really surprised you need to take your own profile photo.
- The older I get the more I realise people annoy me.
- Put my 2 man tent up in my lounge room, put the heater on and moved in. So I can feel like I'm on summer holidays this winter.
- You know you're lazy when you get overly excited about cancelled plans.
- Home... A place I can look ugly and enjoy it.
- I am proficient in 2 languages. English and Profanity.
- I'm not much of a morning person. I don't like mornings and I don't like people.
- I'm so not a morning person. I could not even be friends with a person called Dawn.
- My glass is half full but it has at least 6 different things in it.
- Lucky I held in my fart all morning. It came in handy when I wanted the sales man to go away.
- I taste so good you'll be begging for the recipe!
- "You're so hot!" I whispered to my food when I took it out of the oven.
- You look like something I'd draw with my left hand.
- Don't go broke trying to look rich!
- You look like I need a strong drink.
- You know the instinct you have not to open your mouth when you want to say something nasty. Unfortunately I don't have that.
- I didn't say I don't want to work. I said I don't want to Twirk!
- Many a good friendship is built on a solid foundation of alcohol and inappropriateness.
- May your life someday be more interesting than you make it out to be on Facebook.
- If you can't stand me why don't you sit.
- There's a time and a place for decaf coffee. Never, and in the bin.
- I can't remember a time where I cared less.
- Tired? There's a nap for that.
- Ignorance can be educated. Crazy can be medicated... But there is no cure for stupid.
- If one size really did fit all what would my size be?
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