Maybe The Worst Part Of Facebook Is Losing Someone You Just Got Back In Your Life
I hadn’t spent years looking for him, after all, we knew one another when he was a teenager and I was about ten yet one day I typed his name into Facebook and there he was. He had been a gymnast with one of the most amazingly outgoing, sunny dispositions I’d ever come across. His easy going charm and good looks couldn’t help but draw you into him. I don’t know if I wanted to look like him more than I wanted him to be my boyfriend (I always knew I was gay) maybe I wanted a little bit of both but I just knew that the hours we spent together rehearsing for our kids’ performing group were always made better for having him around. He was so strong. He could pick you up by your feet and lift you so you were upside down without any danger of your head hitting the ground and before you even knew you had been picked up. He had you and though you screamed in mock fear, you knew you were safe. I don’t remember much about where he went after high school. I was told Los Angeles and then somewhere in Nashville I think when he decided he would have a country recording career then back to LA I think. I always knew I’d hear something from him some day or maybe be buying one of his albums at a signing and he would look up and our eyes would meet and we’d spend the rest of our lives making one another laugh like we did when we were kids and letting one another know how much we loved one another. (Don’t worry, no possibility of me leaving the tall black man and my two cats, just a giggly boyish friendship fantasy here.) When I found him on Facebook we sent a couple of notes to one another. It brought a smile to my face and I hoped to his as well. Just some memories you only share with certain friends. We didn’t communicate every day or every week and it had been a few weeks since I’d had a response on something silly that I sent him so I decided to click on his picture and go look and see what was going on in his corner of Facebook. All it took was the first post of condolences to let me know I’d been too late and that the reality was the man I giggled and wrestled with had left this planet. And that’s how I learned that maybe the worst part of Facebook is losing someone you just got back in your life – Don’t Get Me Started!
When I had reconnected with him on Facebook I knew that he was sick. Not so much from the pictures posted of him but the fact that he was sharing his cancer treatment regime with friends and family through Facebook postings (when he was up to it). I don’t know what kind of cancer it was and I don’t know if it was related to HIV or AIDS (questions I think that are going through your mind and I admit went once or twice through my own mind). What did it matter? What did it matter what the cause of death, he’s gone. Not just ignoring me or “unfriending” me on Facebook, I mean really gone. There will be no reunion, there will be no giggling, there will be no more than what was locked in my mind as a ten year old kid’s memories of a friend I looked up to and admired.
I try to rationalize that we hadn’t been in touch for years so it shouldn’t hurt so much but what the hell sense does that do you when you discover someone from your life has left this earth? How do you stop your heart from aching for all of the things left unsaid or more importantly moments not shared? It’s a strange sort of grieving. I don’t know if I grieve for the person he was when he passed that I didn’t really know or the one he was when we were in one another’s lives. Maybe I grieve for the ten year old boy who idolized him because I know his heart is broken. My heart is broken. As I stared at the computer screen reading the words his Facebook friends and relatives had to say to him my eyes glazed over and I found myself thinking of him as I looked through the computer screen. And then I realized that maybe the worst part of Facebook is losing someone you just got back in your life – Don’t Get Me Started!
Read More Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com
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