Oops! You're a Stalker! (On Facebook and/or Myspace)
Have you ever snuck around and looked at people's pictures or blog entries and such on Myspace or Facebook, without at least commenting or "liking" them, so that there was no trace that you had been there?
Do you ever come across embarrassing photos, especially when you accidentally run into an old account of someone you know, that they no longer use and must have forgotten about?
Do you ever click on through to the person's family members' profiles, and look at old group photos from back in the day that you probably were never intended to see?
Did it ever make you feel...dirty?
Did you feel like you had accidentally become a stalker?
Especially when you think to yourself: "Damn, [so-and-so] was hot three years ago, before I knew them." What if you know that they hated what they looked like back then because it was an "awkward phase" in their life? Have you inadvertently insulted them by thinking of them as hot anyway?
And what if, oh my gosh, you ran into their old prom photos from high school, where everyone's all awkward and has weird haircuts indicative of half a decade ago? Or their sibling's wedding photos, back when they were going through their "emo" phase and refused to wear any kind of shoes but a pair of converse with their formal wear as an act of rebellion?
What if you ran into their old Myspace that was decorated with all the sucky bands and singers that they used to like, with the sucky music on autoplay so that every time you load the page, music blares from your speakers annoyingly, but you just can't stop looking because their profile has pictures of them from back in 10th grade when they had a boyfriend/girlfriend that thought "Vote for Pedro" shirts were just so totally awesome and original.
Or do you ever click around on one of their friend's old profiles and see old pictures from before they got "saved" by Jesus, and it's full of photos of them drunk and/or vomiting into a pool at a house party? Or, worse (better?) yet, pictures of them pulling their clothes off and running around, or pictures of them rubbing their crotch against other people whom you may/may not know, or pictures of them making out with people whom you now know that they totally hate and won't speak to?
Do you ever feel weird the next time you see them, almost as if you fear they might know? Do you ever look them in the eye and get the feeling that they know that you know that they know that you know that they know that you know?
(Or, worse, what if it's your girlfriend or something and she keeps asking you what's wrong and why you're looking at her weird?)
Do you ever have a hard time imagining them as the same person from back then, even though you know they must have been, and wonder to yourself what it might have been like if you had met them back then instead of now? Do you ever wonder if you might have gotten along or if you might have hated their guts?
Do you ever wonder if it's wrong of you to know all these things about them that they might not have yet told you, just because you've seen their old profile?
Especially when the next day they mention something to you--some quote or another that sounds familiar--and when you ask them what they're talking about, they say: "It's from that caption on one of your pictures. Oh, yeah, I was looking at old photos of you online. *nervous laugh* I was facebook/myspace stalking you, heh."
And then all of a sudden the tables have turned and you wonder--oh my gosh!--how much they might have actually seen. And you frantically try to think to yourself how many old accounts on how many social networking sites you might have forgotten about that have old, embarrassing photos from your "existentialist" phase or from back before you started wearing contact lens or from back before you got your braces removed or from back before your face filled out to match your nose, etc, etc.
And then the panic sets it.
And then they say: "You were so cute back then." And then they grab your hand and change the subject.
And then you notice that the night air is warm and pleasant and think that maybe there's no shame, because you had to be all those other, more awkward versions of yourself first before you got to this point; and that maybe it's the same for them.
But, hell no, you're still not telling them that you saw what they used to look like. They'll think you're a freaking stalker!
Well, maybe in another five years, when it doesn't matter anymore and you're both finally too old and self-assured to care.
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