Feedback wanted on website text

  1. Greg Sage profile image61
    Greg Sageposted 5 years ago

    I have a website I'm working on.  I won't post the url.  It's offline now anyway.

    I was thinking about putting it up soon so I can test it on mobiles and so on... even thought it's just a shell at the moment.

    Anyway, I was typing away today at just putting something on the front page as a placeholder... a sort of "pardon our dust, watch this space" kind of thing.

    I'm wondering if more humor or less, more information or less... what's the right combo so the few people who do see it bookmark it even though it's temporarily empty.

    Current text:

    Eat…. er…. pardon our dust.

    by greg on July 11, 2011[edit]

    We are in our pre-launch phase.  If you are one of the lucky few reading this, you now have a front-row seat to witness history in the making.

    From now on, you will be the first to know about the latest sensations BEFORE they make it to the water cooler.  You will then show the world how cool you are by using the social media links to inform all of your friends about this cultural oasis.  They will come here in droves, and they will share it with their friends.

    Pretty soon, everyone will know about the latest sensations before everyone else.  So… I guess you won’t be the first anymore.  Man, I should have thought this through.  Don’t worry, I’ll think of something…

    …and you’ll be the first to know.

    In the meantime, click on all the pretty buttons.  Find out what they do.  Social media sharing is the backbone of the viral phenomenon.  If you’re like me, then you have no idea what that means or what any of the buttons are for... but you’ll press them anyway because they’re shiny.

    So... in general, is it too long?  Too unprofessional?  Too...