My Life and the Net; Once Upon a Time

Reality versus Delusion

I have had horrible experiences in the internet over the years. I am talking about from 2009 to the present. A lot of things, mostly horrible things, had happened to my life and in my internet experiences. The only beautiful thing that had happened in the net is finding my husband (my soul mate, Greg) through the net.

Evolution of my personality before the Net and the present (chronological)

2008... This was a trying year in my life; lots of major things happened that completely changed and redirect my life situation.

= I brought Colin to the hospital, first thing in that very early January 1, 2008. He was diagnosed having Burgher's disease and was confined in the hospital for 8 days.

=January 19, 2008, I was in the hospital for the operation of my eyes. I had progressive cataract that could make me blind if the operation could not be done immediately.

=February 26, Colin and I ran away to the South, Iligan City, from my stable position in school and from his entanglements with his ex-wife and other destructive relationships.

=March through October, Colin's struggle with cancer till his demise on October 31, 2008.

=Before Colin died he asked Betty (his sister and my beloved friend, my angel) to buy me the laptop with the request that I would write our love story...Betty bought me the laptop in September or one month before Colin died.

Life after Colin

Colin was the reality, or some other type of "delusion in the reality of life?" But I had accepted him along with all his enormous faults at the time; and acknowledging also my own need for a company or someone to love me and care for me after my husband Adrian died two years before Colin came into my life. Besides, my son and I had a falling out for many reasons...his wife, basically and his instant success in his career and business; my daughter was on her own working and studying at the same time with a very caring boy friend (Sunny, who is now her husband) to give her full attention. I was left out with a heavy heart and here comes the persistent Colin, a neighbor I've known even before my husband died.


Life of Loneliness

Colin gone, jobless, taken for granted and rejected by the family; these are just among many reasons of my grief and sorrow and the feeling of being alone and losing my own life. I just existed and was awaiting for my end; the worst part is the realization that I am not young anymore to start life anew on my own.

After Colin's death I stayed alone a month more in the condominium; then I remember that I still have a family, my son's family. I went to stay there only to find out that he was not with his family, he lived in an expensive condominium by himself; he was in the process of legally annulling his marriage; his wife bitter, hated me for not doing anything to keep the marriage intact.

I went back to the North, where I stayed and had a job for fifteen years, and lived with my newly married daughter; she delivered her first born 13 days after I joined her family. My daughter is sweet but she has her own family, then I realized that I was completely alone. My loneliness was confirmed.

I got sick, bedridden, wishing for death, feeling useless, suicidal and attempted to gradually kill myself by taking high doze of morphine every day until I was in the state of getting paralyzed.

Brother Escobar and my best friend on the rescue

A big surprise happened when my sister told me that Brother Escobar was in the Philippines, and out of the blue my desire to see him triggered me to struggle to stand so I can see him once more. I struggled to limp my way to the church where Brother Escobar was preaching as a guest speaker that day. I saw him in the pulpit; my heart skipped, the nostalgic memory of my Dad's and Mum's unfailing love for me came back to my mind and miraculously I felt the desire to live again. Brother Escobar saw me too as I came in late; he had been expecting me after my sister told him that I was also here in San Fernando. After the sermon, Brother Escobar came down from the pulpit and walked toward me; we hugged and were both tearful; we were both very happy to meet again after those decades of not seeing each other; we had lunched together with all those unending recalls and stories we exchanged. I was in the Mission House at age 15 when Brother Escobar left, he was forty-five.

When my best friend, Ma'am Veron learned that I was back to Angeles City she told my daughter to let me see her in her new post in San Fernando. We talked and she convinced me to work again; another miracle happened within me, I felt alive again and I accepted the offer; that was when I started teaching back, after one year away from my position in the school.

Life is both magic and miracle.
Life is both magic and miracle.

"Angels" within me.

I know that I got angels within me. My parents unfailing love for me, even when they had long been gone. My Colin's love for me and Adrian's too, serve as my "inner angels" who preserve me and provide for me even when they had long been gone to the Creator.

The Laptop

So those were the situations when I was supposed to be just waiting for my end; I was in a depressed state. Then I lived alone as I started working back, my only companion was the laptop. I was not very much enthusiastic with the internet unless there were things that I would like to research and pictures that I would like to copy. Pictures such as flowers, trees, castles, birds and the rest of those beautiful things in nature, were my favorite pictures to copy and preoccupy me.

I was okay when I was in school but once I was home, the loneliness and the grief overcome me; the laptop was a distraction from my grief and I started writing my story; Colin and Jenny Love Story.

It should have been just okay if not for the twists and the "disasters" that when it started had never stopped pestering me. It happened when I came across chatting and meeting notorious hackers who had eventually destroyed my laptop.

I was just starting to enjoy my internet activities and knew nothing about hackers and computer technology when one man was so angry at me and had opened my accounts for everyone to abuse. My ignorance with the internet and the bad people here caused me to entrust my password to that person who was seemingly wonderful at the start. I was so trusting and didn't know the danger. That started the hacking spree.

The destruction is huge...not just my laptop in which it eventually became useless to me but also my files...everything was destroyed including my accounts, my id's, and my psychological set-up when it comes to people in the internet. I lost trust to everyone because I cannot tell who is real and who is not. This is the reason why I avoid being "friendly" in the net. The only person I talk to in the net is my husband, aside from my daughter and sometimes my grandchildren.

But despite all these, I still believe that the angels within me will find a way for me to celebrate life. My husband is my angel and I met him in the net.

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Jynzly 4 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author


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Jynzly 4 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

What is going on with this hub? My profile picture does not appear and it looks different.

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Jynzly 4 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

I had started reading the Bible since I was 7 because my Dad was a Church Minister. I read it 7 times already, from cover to cover. Yes, there is wisdom there. Great wisdom.

Chris 4 years ago

All told, it's best to ask Him for wisdom and the Bible says He will give it. God bless you. :)

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Jynzly 4 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

I had replied to your email...if you got it, you can add me to yahoo then we can chat...I have no other means of chatting, not facebook nor skype, nor any other means.

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Chris11111 4 years ago

I actually signed up to hubpages for that purpose. There is a function on the profile that says "Contact Jynzly".

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Jynzly 4 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

No, I did not receive any email; do you know my email address?

Chris 4 years ago

That's fine. I sent an email, did it reach you?

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Jynzly 4 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

This is a very intriguing discussion. I did not say that there is no truth...I said that each person, things, God, religion, people culture, science...everything that exist in this world is truth in ts own right...nobody can know the whole truth even if one studies every day every minute and he lives one million years in this life, nobody will learn everything...just a part...the Muslim, the Buddhists, etc...are also valid people...valid culture...will you say that because they have cultures different from ours that they are not human anymore? I just said that there many truths...those that exist and those that re still mysteries are all truth...I don't limit my belief and mind to the only truth I know...if you believe in the truth that you know then does not men that it is the only truth...but I do believe in the ultimate truth that is the Existence of God...the Creator, the Source of All Life and the Living Spirit...etc...

I am really intrigued...I never invite anyone to chat but with this kind of discussion, I m tempted to want to talk to you in a chat...if that is possible...if only I am not scared of giving my yahoo id, I really want to talk to you concerning this issue.

Chris 4 years ago

If there is no absolute truth, there is no truth. If there are multiple conflicting "truths", they can't be real truths all the same - even if they all turn out to refer to the same God, because it will only mean that that God has no capacity to tell the truth - in fact, think about it, it screams L and I and E. I prefer a God that never lies, and that's what Jesus said He is - straight to our faces. That's why He taught us no philosophy but rather, truth. He repeatedly said he was teaching us the truth, so much so that He said He is Truth itself.

I remember when I was a teenager watching Mel Tiangco on Mel and Jay, someone suggested to her that when you die, you go to Allah if you're a Muslim, to Buddha if you're a Buddhist, you reincarnate if you're a Hindu, and so forth and so on. That appealed to her senses; she said "Oo nga no, Pwede." Then millions watching on TV would catch the same dangerous idea. I understand it's the devil's business to lie and deceive. At the time the idea appealed to me also, but I realize there's something dark in it.

St. Paul already answered the question many of us ask, "How about those who never heard the Gospel?" by saying that you will be judged based on what you did, according to the "conscience" that God purposely placed in your heart. So wherever you lived your life on earth, you will stand before the Great White Throne where Jesus sits on Judgment Day.

Jesus and the Bible are not the absolute truth only in Christianity; they are the absolute truth. I realized this years ago when someone made me study the story of Joseph in Genesis being the type of Jesus Christ. It tingled my spine.

Anyway, sorry for making a little preaching here. I have read the hub page you talked about, and I think you're a great person. If you have time, and this is without reference to the above sentences I blurted out :), read the free ebook No Green Bananas, written by a fine American lady. I think you would like it.

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Jynzly 4 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author


First I should tell you that I appreciate so much hearing from you praising my one and only beloved daughter. Like me, she is also a College Instructor, well I am a Professor for more than two decades now. Her husband is working now in a U.S. Company as a programmer. She and her husband were both College Instructors even before they married three years ago...they used to be my students and they were both absorbed in the school after graduation so that the three of us were teaching in SPCC, until just this month in which Sunny, my daughter's husband moved to this new company; it's got better position and pay for him.

Concerning absolute truth: I can understand if you disagree with me concerning this matter. But I have to tell you the story of the "Ten Blind Men and the Elephant". The story goes that these ten blind men were to describe the elephant, and so they did differently...One blind man described the elephant as a rope because he happened to be on the elephant's tail; he scrutinized the tail and declared that he cannot make mistake and really stood his ground; The next blind man happened to scrutinize the body of the elephant and said that the elephant is like a wall and argued with the other blind man's description of the elephant...I don't have to elaborate in details the other blind men's descriptions...

The bottom line is that, Jesus and the Bible is the absolute truth for Christianity and that is valid...Muhamad and the Quoran is also absolute truth for the Islam religion; Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon is the absolute truth for the Mormons...just like the blind men...each of them is right in parts but not as a whole...every sincere seeker of the truth is right in his own right, and only God is the final judge...Let us just love one another regardless of the color of the skin or religion or any other cultural individual or personality differences...That is the essence of Jesus death on the die for all humanity...for those who believe in him..., for the Islam...for those who believe in Allah or Muhamed... and so forth and so on and on.

By the way thanks for the response.

Chris 4 years ago

I am certainly going to read that. I was intrigued. Hehe..;-)

I actually came across your hub looking for "Kalyptrasscott" who seems to be your daughter. I read one of her hubpages concerning her life experiences relating to religion, and I was amazed at how genuine she is narrating it. It has top-notch sincerity built into it, something you rarely find.

I found kalyptraascott on fiverr about a week and a half ago and ordered two gigs thus far from her, and I was impressed at the quality of the articles and her willingness to overdeliver - she didn't have to do that, but I'm very thankful.

I have to disagree with you regarding what you said about absolute truth (being non-existent). There is absolute truth. Jesus said, "I am the truth, the way and the life." Come crunch time, everyone will know that there is only one truth, and that is that Jesus paid a high price to save our souls from everlasting suffering. Whoever believed and obeyed will be with him forever. If you watch youtube videos about Jesus showing himself to Muslims, you'll see why there are so many of such videos existing - and that is because we're in the last days. Ishmael in Genesis was the type of Muslims today. God hearing Ishmael is God today lending an ear to Muslims who are thirsty of Him.

Concerning emptying your mind, I believe that you know what you're doing, which is good.

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Jynzly 4 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA Author

One at a time...

First thank you for dropping by and for reading my hub. As you can see, it is very rare that other hubbers comment on my hubs and I attribute this to my straightforward and frank attitude.

Roller caster story...yes, my story is as complicated as my life and my personality but that's the way it is.

The "how I met my new husband is another I said, I met him in Tagged and he is god's gift to me. Not everyone who looks for a good husband in the net found hat she wanted. I asked God for the kind of husband, in details, because I believed that there should be my perfect match in this whole wide world for me; and my prayer was granted. If you like full story, you may read my other hubs, especially "Sweeter as the years go by."

My meditation; I am broadminded when it comes to religion and philosophy. I was born and raised in a very rigidly religious family; my father was a fanatic Seventh Day Adventist and I was trained as a Bible woman in International Missionary Society. It is very rare that you will find a well-rounded educated person now a days in terms of spirituality and secular education and I learned from both my religious upbringing and my academic education that being a fanatic to one dogma or religious belief is ignorance by itself. "Emptying the mind" for me does not mean "being an idle mind that it becomes Satan's workshop", like what the fanatics would try to explain. For me "emptying my mind means allowing God to work in my mind, in my life so that His Light shines in my life and I will be Divinely Guided. Many so-called Christians are actually ignorant of Jesus' teachings in the personal level. They cannot apply Christianity into their personal life because they are still "cut-off" from their true spirituality. In short I know what I am doing and it's a personal thing. Many Christians are ignorant on the importance of meditation(prayer) that their prayers become useless and unanswered. All my prayers(meditations) are answered because I had established my faith and strong connection to God through meditations or prayers.

The Hindus or Budhists or Muslims or other religious sects are also valid each his own...there is no such thing as absolute truth...your truth is your truth because you live it. The Bible says "Judge not..." every religion just produce more ignorant and "self-righteous" or "holier than thou" attitude of followers. Every human is a truth, a valid truth...I know my truth and I don't judge people whose truths are different from my own. I just let people be...their truth, though different from my own, work for them.

Thanks for the comment.

Chris 4 years ago

Whew!.. What a rollercoaster story.. It's not complete (how did you meet your new husband?) but I can tell you're a very very genuine person.

I tried to read some of your other hubs and what I would just like to say is that if you ever meditate, always put Christ in it because the philosophical view of meditation (emptying your mind) is the devil's means of entering one's soul. I only read about this but I believe it's true. That is why we are not Hindus or Buddhists. It's their philosophy; ours is different because the Bible teaches something different.

By the way I'm just a random reader so don't mistake me for a hacker. I live in Rizal, Philippines. Thanks for this good read. :-)

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