14 Stupid Things to do While Stuck at the Airport
You've been stuck at the airport for going on three hours. You've wandered through all of the gift shows, had yourself a cheeseburger, and you're bored with the playlist on your iPod. You tried napping on the uncomfortable little seats, but it isn't working. What now?
I don't know. What? Did you think I was going to tell you how to magically get you on the next flight out of there? I'm not Criss Angel so I can't make a flight appear, but here's a dew dumb things to do while you're stuck at the airport.
14 Things You Shouldn't Do When You're Stuck at the Airport!
1. Wrap two quarters in a napkin and stick them in your sock. Head outside to "get some air" then go back through security. Empty your pockets, take off your shoes. After everyone behind you is completely annoyed with you, "Remember" your emergency phone call stash in your sock.
2. Go stand in line at Starbucks or whichever coffee shop they have there. When you get to the counter, ask what is in at least for different drinks before finally ordering a nonfat Venti cup of ice. Ask if that's sugar free.
3. Reinact Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet with an all male cast.
4. Head outside to see if you find anyone you know. Go back through security with your quarters in the other sock.
5. Go to the belt where you pick up your luggage. When someone is standing with one piece of luggage while waiting for more, put their luggage back on the belt.
6. Go to the airline counter and sit down where you check your luggage. Tell them you're trying to check your baggage, but it just won't come out, so you have to check all of you. Lean in and whisper seriously "Trust me, you don't want it in the cabin with all those people".
7. Jump up, grab your behind and yell "I've gotta drop a bomb! Nobody follow me!" and rush into the nearest bathroom. When you come out yell "Man, you do NOT want to go in there!"
8. Grab a soccer ball and play a game. Use the scanners as goals. Ask security officers if they'll goalie for your team.
9. Go order a cheeseburger. Order it without pickles and onions. Change your mind and order it with the works. Next, tell them you want that without the burger. When you get your cheeseburger without burger, ask "Where's the meat?" When they explain that you ordered it without, respond "I ordered it without burger, not without meat!"
10. Tie the clothes from your carryon together to rope off a section of chairs. Proclaim this area Jamalama Land. Proclaim yourself king (or queen) with a crown made of twisted up toilet paper and a royal staff made from twisted paper towels. Knight the nearest security officer.
11. Go to the gift shop and grab something off the shelf. Take it to the counter and ask if it's made in America. Repeat until you find something that IS made in America.
12. Every ten minutes run up to the airline counter to ask if they found you a new flight.
13. Sing showtunes at the top of your lungs. Swing random people, men and women, into dance with you.
14. Tell the person sitting next to you your entire life story, while tugging on their sleeve and asking "and you know what happened next?!"
Remember, if you're dumb enough to try any of these things I am not responsible for any arrests made or any body cavity searches you endure!