I am not from Coolville, Ohio

All my time is spare, and this is what I do with it.
All my time is spare, and this is what I do with it.

I need a hobby and this is it

Having earned millions counseling people away from SEO charlatans, I typically spend my spare time searching for myself on HubPages. Many years ago I was banned from the forums but my likeness continues to be recalled regularly. Someone is always writing about me. A good thing, this is.

Recently I was pleased to read about myself in the context of a thread I started long ago. Upon writing it, I instantly forgot about it because there was a guy on my doorstep who wanted to give all his money to SEO wizards from Mars or Silicon Valley, possibly both. After talking him down we enjoyed a refreshing pomegranate refresher and resumed our normal lives. The thread took on a life of its own as well.

So this other hubber, BedBugAbscond, bestowed upon me a really cool complement via his forum comment. He probably doesn't know me very well, but there has been an unmarked van parked outside for a few days so I can't say for sure. His thoughtful comment suggested that I might be from Coolville, Ohio.

This presents a huge problem for me. I have already violated a Google Prime Directive by not mentioning the title keyword 4.26 times in the first 1.7 paragraphs. Evidently what you are reading represents an example of bad writing, according to the current Google algorithm, called Gerbil I think, and there are too many commas in this sentence. If you're with me this far, you have no taste whatsoever so you have nothing to lose by continuing.

It's good to write about me. Try it sometime.
It's good to write about me. Try it sometime.

I would like to be from Coolville, Ohio.

It turns out that even Wikipedia recognizes the village of Coolville. Many people are from there. In Ohio, a village is incorporated and can change its speed limits without asking permission from DOT and EPA and FEMA and PBS. You could be zooming along The James A Rhodes Appalachian Highway, which nips the corner of their fair city, and realize, to your horror, that the speed limit suddenly dropped to 25 mph as a Coolville law enforcement representative demonstrates the primary colors that his vehicle is capable of generating. It's a cool physics lesson, but your insurance company is a bunch of liberal arts graduates with no sense of perspective.

Anyway, Coolville (keyword density is improving nicely, captain) seems like a nice place to visit and also be from. They don't care if you end sentences with prepositions and there's an elementary school if your run-on sentences exceed nominal standards.

They also have cats and probably dogs, which is a good thing because this Coolville Cat Expose is much more believable that way.

Wikipedia knows about Coolville and they are hardly ever wrong about this kind of thing.
Wikipedia knows about Coolville and they are hardly ever wrong about this kind of thing.
If you are engineer, you will appreciate the orthogonal layout of Coolvile.
If you are engineer, you will appreciate the orthogonal layout of Coolvile.

Coolville has no High School

Coolville residents aspiring to education beyond typical Amish levels must venture out of the village to Federal Hocking High School in Stewart, Ohio. The trip is short and may be accomplished by school bus or a brisk 9.4 mile walk up SR 144. The school mascot is The Lancers because Wikipedia said so.

Are you from Coolville?

Certainly you need not be from Ohio to be from Coolville. Metaphorically writing, we are all cool cats in our own way.

Wherever you're from, mind the speed limit on the James A Rhodes Appalachian Highway and don't forget your keyword density. Google always watches even if the Coolville officers are moonlighting at the Federal Hocking vs Trimble boys varsity football game.

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Comments 25 comments

Bedbugabscond profile image

Bedbugabscond 4 years ago from United States

Lol, I am in love with this post! I used to live in Coolville myself. When I moved the town was going to change its name, but I told them there was no need for that, the town could remain cool without me!

I very much miss Coolville, although people mostly think I am joking when they ask me where I moved from and I say Coolville. So, I very much appreciate you proving that there really is a Coolville, Ohio.

The elementary school is AMAZING. The building is not that impressive, but I have NEVER found a better group of teachers who truly care about their kids the way Coolville teachers did.

My one complaint were all the turkeys, as in the animal, that liked to stand around in the country roads! Either way, thank you fro writing this hub, made me smile, and I am sure the Coolvilians will love it, too!

P.S. It is true about the speed limit, so DON'T Speed! By the way, you didn't mention the Cool Spot, which really is a Cool Spot! Shout outs to all my peeps at the best gas station/restaurant/hangout ever!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Bedbugabscond : Jonathan Edwards would be proud of Coolville.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

So, did Bedbug ever discover whether or not you are a he or a she? You should not have removed the man in the avatar!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

There's a man in the avatar?


Bedbugabscond profile image

Bedbugabscond 4 years ago from United States

He, or she, nicomp has a kind of sense of humor that I can relate to. :P I am not sure I should reveal that, but I am gonna. Maybe it is the Ohio thing.

I have always secretly wonder if Ohio is one giant human experiment. Or maybe everything everywhere is. Either way, Coolville rocks!!


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

nicomp - being from Coolville is far, far superior to being a native of one of these genuine but odd-named villages: Intercourse, AL; Dead Horse, Alaska; Nothing, AZ; Why, AZ; Toad Suck, AR; Fort Dick, CO; Roachtown, IL; Square Butt, Montana; Idiotville, OR; Nuttsville, VA; Cuckoo, VA, or Climax located in CO, GA, MI, MN, NC, OH and PA.


Insane Mundane profile image

Insane Mundane 4 years ago from Earth

As of the census of 2000, there were 528 people, 213 households, and 148 families residing in the village of Coolville... Dang, either this town is a metaphor that represents the idea that all the cool people hang out in small groups or hopefully the area has grown during the last 12 years; ha!


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

There used to be a man's face in your avatar. It is gone now. Don't try to make me think I'm losing my mind. I'm way ahead of you on that one!


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 4 years ago from Arlington, TX

It's cool!

TFP


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@Austinstar : You probably already lost your mind, but there were some faces in there for a while. I forgot about them myself. No one mentioned them until now. Do you know what they symbolized?


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

That you needed a shave? I have no idea what they symbolized. And I only saw one face in the lower left corner which is empty now.


psychicdog.net profile image

psychicdog.net 4 years ago

I didn't have to check in but last time I checked I had a man's face and byte the way you've all lost your minds here - way ahead of time!!!LOL Nicomp's hubs tend to do that - so cool aren't they? - turn everything into a circus - voted up and useful!!! And I hope you appreciate the keyword density cranking back a notch or two I've done here especially for you Nicomp!


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

What an adorable hub. Cool that you want to write about a town called Coolville. LOL! Enjoyed the read!


JBeadle profile image

JBeadle 2 years ago from Midwest

What's SEO? Kidding. You rock almost as much as Duke except you don't have a roster full of future 20 million a year NBA stars that can't get past Mercer. No doubt that was a really good day for you!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 2 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

JBeadle, I am still celebrating. "Coach" K would be fired if he had that tournament record at a real college.


JBeadle profile image

JBeadle 2 years ago from Midwest

Not cool!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 2 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

JBeadle , I propose a truce. Given that no one else reads my Hubs anymore, I stipulate that Duke is off limits.


JBeadle profile image

JBeadle 2 years ago from Midwest

Seems fair but it will drastically cut down on your hub reader interactions! I'll make an effort to read and comment my praises which is mainly all I have for your hubs. You are one of my favorite hubbers.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 2 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

JBeadle , this hub has turned into our private chat room and I wouldn't have it any other way.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 12 months ago from Queensland Australia

Hey, congratulations! You just had someone read this hub, and a very cool(ville) one it is too. Very funny


nicomp profile image

nicomp 12 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

Thanks, Jodah. Many people laugh at me but I suspect not for the right reasons.


JBeadle profile image

JBeadle 12 months ago from Midwest

My only notifications these days are notifications that someone has commented on one of your hubs where I made a comment. Is this a Hubber fail?


nicomp profile image

nicomp 12 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@JBeadle : What's the bad news?


JBeadle profile image

JBeadle 12 months ago from Midwest

I don't follow you... I mean, I follow you but I don't understand the question. I had a flat tire this morning. That was bad news!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 12 months ago from Ohio, USA Author

@JBeadle : Wouldn't you want to follow me, literally and metaphorically?

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