My Brief Adventures in Winter Sports

Adventures in Figure Skating and Downhill Skiing

I hate winter sports. That's right, I'm the one. Basically winter sports consists of derivatives of two real sports: ice skating and skiing. Curling doesn't count because it's silly. It's a semi-combination of bowling and housework (who'd have thunk it?). Bobsledding, the heaviest guys win. Luge, you're just trying to hang on for dear life on a runaway sled. Snowboard, it's skiing on one fat ski.

On my first attempts at ice skating, I slapped one of the rink guards. No, he wasn't trying to cop a feel, I was way younger than he was. My arms were flailing as I tried to navigate my way across the rink without falling on my ass for the 1,553rd time. I was determined not to fall, but my lack of coordination and balance made me dangerous. Instead of the graceful, petite figure skater that I was dreaming I'd be, I looked like the tazmanian devil cartoon in slow motion. He should have looked at who was coming his way and moved. Before I knew it one hand connected to a flailing arm hit the side of his face...hard. I left a perfect palm imprint on his cheek (the rink was cold). I felt terrible but I couldn't stop. “I'm so sorryyyyy...” I yelled as I skate-flailed away. I fell ten minutes later. But the memory of my inadvertent destructive act stayed with me and I skated near the railings...again. Skating is a violent sport.

Even the best ice skaters still fall as you can see in the video below.

photo courtesy of
photo courtesy of

Skiing Tips: I Don't Have Any

A few years later my sister suggested we go skiing. I thought, “It's a hill, you can only go down.” Simple, I thought. I got a nice outfit, there was fresh snow, the day was beautiful. We were with a group of beginners. I first learned how to stop. Okay, angling down and forming your skis to a V was easy. Then I learned how to ski; push with your poles, squat halfway and keep your skis parallel, very easy. Then I learned how to go up the bunny slope; step up sideways, I was a natural. Afterwards it just seemed like a lot of falling. As I looked up at the sky, while I was flat on my back, my sister schussed by. I knew she was adopted. At least I didn't slap anyone. Although I did ski into someone [I'm so sorry!]. At the end of it I was cold and wet. That was not pleasant.

I then tried to ride a horse in the snow. Horses during the winter are evil. They insist on doing their own thing. Mainly carrying you into lower branches top-heavy with snow. Needless to say, I got the message. I'm not cut out for winter sports. Actually, there is one thing I like when it comes to winter sports. The apres-ski happy hour. Endless buffalo wings and $3 beers. This is one winter activity I definitely like.

Okay, I didn't crash and burn like these guys, it just seemed like I did.



Now for all my misfortunes in winter sports, this has never quite happened to me. And I hope it never does. Poor Gillian Cooke.

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Comments 15 comments

Princessa profile image

Princessa 6 years ago from France

LOL, it reminds me my experience with ice skating about 10 years ago!

mtsi1098 6 years ago

good hub - I do agree about Curling...I tried hockey skating several years ago and it was a disaster (I do like the sport though)...So here is to winter wings...thanks

Flightkeeper profile image

Flightkeeper 6 years ago from The East Coast Author

Thanks for visiting Prinessa and mtsi. I mainly participate now by watching winter sports on TV, for everyone's safety.

myownworld profile image

myownworld 6 years ago from uk

lol...put a smile on my face! Am hopeless myself at skiing, and the worse part is my daughter is after my life that I should teach her, but I'm too embarrassed to! Having said that, ice skating is my favorite sport to WATCH! Those women look so graceful...unlike the spectacle I'm likely to make! ;)

Anyway, thank you for sharing read!

Flightkeeper profile image

Flightkeeper 6 years ago from The East Coast Author

Ah, a fellow sufferer, I commiserate with you my friend. Regarding your daughter, you never know, she could very well have the talent for skiing and will soon be schussing down the slopes (like my sister). There are some places that offer beginner lessons for kids. Good luck!

Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 6 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

I so identify. It took me years of ski bunny suits and lounge lazing with my friends who really did know how to ski (I was a klutz, but didn't want to stay at home when they were in the snow) before I let them take me away to Vermont for 5 days of the GLM ski method. Happy to say, I mastered the technique on three-foot skis, learned to dismount a ski lift without making an arse out of myself, but never graduated from the beginner slopes. I don't have a sister, but I am positive your sister's doppelgänger happily schussed by.

Fun read!

Flightkeeper profile image

Flightkeeper 6 years ago from The East Coast Author

Thanks Sally! And I think I'll look into that GLM ski method.

rmcrayne profile image

rmcrayne 6 years ago from San Antonio Texas

Thanks for participating in HubMob. Your hub has been listed in the Winter Sports roundup hub.

Flightkeeper profile image

Flightkeeper 6 years ago from The East Coast Author

Thank you rm. I'm so glad to be part of hubmob with you and Princessa.

RNMSN profile image

RNMSN 6 years ago from Tucson, Az

this was great flightkeeper...made me laugh all the way daown!! with you, not your adopted sister!! I am such a klutz it was like reading myself!! good luck on the roundup!!

Flightkeeper profile image

Flightkeeper 6 years ago from The East Coast Author

I'm glad you enjoyed it RNMSN. I can only look back at it now with amusement :)

Money Glitch profile image

Money Glitch 6 years ago from Texas

LOL, how funny! But, I have to agree I love winter sports as long as I watching them and not attempting to participate.:) Thanks for sharing your quest in conquering winter sports. :)

Flightkeeper profile image

Flightkeeper 6 years ago from The East Coast Author

Hi Money! Winter sports is exciting to watch especially with wings and beer! Thanks for you attention.

TnFlash profile image

TnFlash 6 years ago from Tampa, Florida

Great Hub! I really enjoyed this Hub. It was good to read some of the downsides of winter sports. The bobsledder video was comical. Good Work!

Flightkeeper profile image

Flightkeeper 6 years ago from The East Coast Author

Hi Tn! Love the dog pic. As for Gillian C., I really feel for her. Thanks for the nice words.

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