No Wonder Most Of Seattle Is Depressed!
Depression Rains Supreme
So the minute I got off the plane I began to feel it. Yes, rain, gloom, doom...welcome to Seattle. I'm here for about ten days on a business trip and just like a video postcard, the minute I got my luggage and went up and over at the airport Habitrail to get a cab, I could see that the rain was falling a mile a minute. No wonder most of Seattle is depressed! - Don't Get Me Started!
Okay now before you Seattle fleece wearing, look at us we have Starbucks and Seattle's Best Coffee people start coming down on me, let me just say that I happen to love the downtown of this town but this weather, come on.
People start with you the minute that you land, "Did you see Mount Hood from the plane? Isn't it amazing?" Now I'm no nature person. My parents were the original Green Acres couple and my partner and I have followed suit. I don't know anything about Mount Hood (sounds like some uncircumcised date my friend once had) but between that and the Space Needle, it would just seem that Seattle is the phallic symbol capital of the world. Good for Seattle that it has nature everywhere you look but I'm more excited about the Nordstrom and Kenneth Cole in walking distance from one another.
The people here are from some other planet. A planet where trans music (and we're not talking RuPaul trans here - visit the site later this month for a fab interview I did with the "Ru" her/himself!) no, it's a land where crocheted hats and fleece reign supreme. There's more brown, blue and corduroy here than a lesbian convention. I'll be the first to admit that I just don't get it. Add all the piercing and the multi-colored hair and you feel as though you've walked into a freak show that inhabited an entire town.
True the streets are much cleaner than most big cities and other than the homeless people (who mostly talk to themselves) it's one of the few cities that feels really safe. But it's the weather. I'm telling you, if I lived here I'd be twelve hundred pounds. I'd sit inside all day watching "the crystal raindrops fall and the beauty of it all" (well, you get the idea) watching Mickey and Judy movies and eating myself into oblivion. (Now that's depressing, right?)
The amazing thing here is that you know you're a tourist and everyone else does too because the residents of this fair city don't seem to use umbrellas at all. This I really don't understand. I mean, besides the obvious (that you get soaking wet) it seems to be some sort of weird clique as you see the citizens walk around with a hat on possibly but never an umbrella. (Of course, you do see the occasional gay with some big ass umbrella he got as part of a Drakkar cologne giveaway trying not to let his Kenneth Cole's get wet.) I guess when you have frizzy hair and no product in it you don't have to worry so much but if I ever went without an umbrella I'd leave a trail of product behind me so thick that Hansel and Gretel would be able to track me down.
These people want you to think they're all granola eating, coffee drinking, thrift store wearing "green" folk. But I think that thanks to the weather, they're just too depressed to get done up. So you can say that Vegas is vain and has no real culture but if this organic, no deodorant wearing civilization is the alternative, I say, "Darling I love you but give me Park Avenue" (and some sunshine).
Like most things in life, this weather just annoys me more than anything. So don't write in and tell me how much I should love this city, I do it's just that it needs more sunshine, Axe body spray and Prozac (in my humble opinion). To be continued...I'm here for another seven days! No wonder most of Seattle is depressed! - Don't Get Me Started!
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- Some Like It Scott!
An acquired taste, like Tab cola, Some Like It Scott is one gay man's experiences with love, life and things that make him crazy, all done to a musical theatre soundtrack.
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