How To Successfully Survive The South

THE DUKES OF HAZZARD IS HOW MOST PEOPLE PERCEIVE PEOPLE FROM THE SOUTH. I CANNOT ARGUE WITH THIS GROUP OF GOOD-LOOKING PEOPLE.
THE DUKES OF HAZZARD IS HOW MOST PEOPLE PERCEIVE PEOPLE FROM THE SOUTH. I CANNOT ARGUE WITH THIS GROUP OF GOOD-LOOKING PEOPLE.
TYPICAL SOUTHERN CARTOON--PIG WITH HAT, AND PIPE. IT MAY BE FUNNY FOR A MOMENT, BUT IT GETS OLD.
TYPICAL SOUTHERN CARTOON--PIG WITH HAT, AND PIPE. IT MAY BE FUNNY FOR A MOMENT, BUT IT GETS OLD.
NOT A RECOMMEDED THING TO DO--TEXT WHILE DRINKING BEER. STUPID THING TO DO IF YOU WANT THE TRUTH.
NOT A RECOMMEDED THING TO DO--TEXT WHILE DRINKING BEER. STUPID THING TO DO IF YOU WANT THE TRUTH.
THIS IS NOT HOW THE OUTSIDE OF SOUTHERN HOMES LOOK TODAY. SOMEONE THOUGHT THIS WOULD GET SOME LAUGHS. AND IT DID.
THIS IS NOT HOW THE OUTSIDE OF SOUTHERN HOMES LOOK TODAY. SOMEONE THOUGHT THIS WOULD GET SOME LAUGHS. AND IT DID.
A SOUTHERN FISHING CHAIR.
A SOUTHERN FISHING CHAIR.
PAVEMENT SURFING BY FUN-LOVING TEEN SOUTHERNERS IS AN ACTIVITY THAT MIXES FUN WITH ATTRACTING ATTENTION.
PAVEMENT SURFING BY FUN-LOVING TEEN SOUTHERNERS IS AN ACTIVITY THAT MIXES FUN WITH ATTRACTING ATTENTION.
SOME SOUTHERN COUPLES WANT TO TIE THE KNOT IN A UNCONVENTIONAL WAY SUCH AS THIS COUPLE RIDING IN THE BUCKET OF A SKIP LOADER.
SOME SOUTHERN COUPLES WANT TO TIE THE KNOT IN AN unconventional WAY SUCH AS THIS COUPLE RIDING IN THE BUCKET OF A SKIP LOADER.
SOMEONE THOUGHT THIS WAS A SOUTHERN DOG TAXI. JUST A STAGED PHOTO FOR LAUGHS. NO SOUTHERNER WOULD TREAT THEIR DOG LIKE THIS.
SOMEONE THOUGHT THIS WAS A SOUTHERN DOG TAXI. JUST A STAGED PHOTO FOR LAUGHS. NO SOUTHERNER WOULD TREAT THEIR DOG LIKE THIS.
SOME PEOPLE IN OUTLYING AREAS OF THE SOUTH, HAVE PARTIES WHERE MUD-JUMPING IS THE MAIN ATTRACTION.
SOME PEOPLE IN OUTLYING AREAS OF THE SOUTH, HAVE PARTIES WHERE MUD-JUMPING IS THE MAIN ATTRACTION.
THIS IS A PHOTO OF A MAN SWIMMING IN THE BED OF HIS TRUCK. NOT A USUAL EVENT TODAY IN THE SOUTH.
THIS IS A PHOTO OF A MAN SWIMMING IN THE BED OF HIS TRUCK. NOT A USUAL EVENT TODAY IN THE SOUTH.
A STEROTYPICAL PHOTOF OF AN EARLY SOUTHERN LADY. THEY ALWAYS POSED WITH SHOTGUNS. THIS ONLY ADDED TO THE MISUNDERSTANDING OF SOUTHERNERS.
A STEROTYPICAL PHOTOF OF AN EARLY SOUTHERN LADY. THEY ALWAYS POSED WITH SHOTGUNS. THIS ONLY ADDED TO THE MISUNDERSTANDING OF SOUTHERNERS.
A RELIC FROM THE OLD SOUTH: A WHISKEY STILL. DO NOT ASSUME THAT I, OR ALL SOUTHERNERS LOVE STILLS. OR WHISKEY
A RELIC FROM THE OLD SOUTH: A WHISKEY STILL. DO NOT ASSUME THAT I, OR ALL SOUTHERNERS LOVE STILLS. OR WHISKEY
STOCK CAR RACES ARE NOW A BOOMING INDUSTRY IN THE SOUTH. THIS BUSINESS STARTED FROM A HANDFUL OF GUYS WHO HAULED MOONSHINE FOR A LIVING.
STOCK CAR RACES ARE NOW A BOOMING INDUSTRY IN THE SOUTH. THIS BUSINESS STARTED FROM A HANDFUL OF GUYS WHO HAULED MOONSHINE FOR A LIVING.

If You Want To Have A Peaceful Visit To The South, Please Read This Story.

I’m a southerner. Born. Bred. Lived all of my life in the south. The Heart of Dixie, Alabama, to be exact. I offer no apologies. To anyone. Or special interest groups. And when you hear the word ‘southerner,’ do not allow your imagination to conjure up outdated. Offensive images of toothless men in overalls lying around in the shade, hound dogs in the house, beer for breakfast and cheating on my wife. And please, do not mention chitins, pork rinds, pigs feet, ears or tails to me as a snack, unless you want to see a grown man get suddenly-nauseated and do what follows. Believe me this is not something you would want you’re your young grandkids to see.

I am not about bigotry, racism, gun violence, moon shining, the KKK, or paying dues to some fanatical group seen on CNN who’s leader, “Billy Bob Ha Beeb Messiah,” tells us that some other fanatical group (besides his) is taking over the United States as we sleep and we’d better lay in a good supply of beef jerky, grits, cornmeal, and Jim Dandy dog food for our police dogs.

My story, “How To Successfully Survive The South,” is just that. No hidden-political message, mud slinging at anyone, and calling all free Americans ready to retire, to move to the south and buy some swamp land that is for sale. Cheap. This story, in its inception, is an easy-to-follow, a do-it-yourself FREE educational story that will enable you, yes you, who has never sit foot out of Portland--to easily and with the smoothness of Betsy Sue’s junior prom dress, learn about our southern words, traditions and ways of life, that until now, has never been revealed. At least by me.

Let me repeat one more time, so you can read this without any discomfort, that “I” am from the new south, not the old south with cotton plantations, alligator-poaching, and an over-active urge to buy and sell people at a public auction. In short, me, and many people like me, detest, despise, and really hate, this dark part of our area of history in the United States that we today are fighting to change. Change is not always a bad thing. Especially when it involves people working to and achieving the fine art of getting along with each other.

“How To Successfully Survive The South” starts off with a few words and phrases that are straight from the backwoods of the south. Some of these words and phrases are around today. Please take time to learn these key words, phrases, and unwritten laws of respect. You might be in need of the information in this story if you, God forbid, are stuck one dark night along the roadside on the seldom-traveled roads leading to and from Columbus, Mississippi.

Southern Words and Phrases and What They Mean . . .

1. Up air - is a buddy telling another buddy to look at something “up there” on his mobile home. “Hey, Jo Jo, look UP AIR, at that woodpecker. Recken we kin get him with our 12 gauge?”

2. I Don’t Thank So - is what a cool southern boy tells his wife when she says he is going dress shopping with her in Columbus, Mississippi. A simple ‘no,’ would have sufficed, but the cool southern dude needed an excuse to use his new phrase he learned in the hardware store.

3. Get On Down The Road - a person or person is through visiting or filling their Chevy truck with unleaded gas and now it’s time for the old boy to, “Get on down the road.”

4. Recken - means that a southerner is reckoning the solution to a problem such as which brand of pork and beans to eat for lunch.

5. Shoot - is not an order to fire off a 12-gauge shotgun. No, this is an exclamation of disbelief. Example, “Hey, Joey Joe, last Satiddy, I caught myself 22 perch at Johnson’s Lake!” JOEY JOE: “Shoot! That ain’t nothing’! Week ‘fore that, me ‘n Roger Clark caught us 50 perch in the same lake using live minners for bait!”

6. You Lissen Here - is a southerner’s way, be it man or woman, to get another southerner’s attention. “You lissen here, Jenny Gail! I wuz not the womern who stole yore Randy from yew!”

7. Ain’t - is heard a lot in the south. I know. Correct grammar dictates that one should say, ‘isn’t,’ but the word ain’t has been around for so long in the south that it stuck. “Ain’t you gonna brang me some more grits?”

8. Works Fer Me - a term of agreement among southern guys who ARE employed. “You wanna use this nail gun instead of that ball peen hammer?” “Works fer me.”

These, friends, are just a few words and phrases, mind you, that most southerners use on a daily basis. They see nothing wrong with communicating in this fashion. Their reasoning is that if talking like this was good enough for grandma, grandpa and their great grandma and grandpa, shoot, it’s good enough for them.

Things You Never Do If You’re A Stranger In The South . . .

1. When you stop by a convenience store along the road the find that the store is filled with good old boys and girls--slapping their knees, dipping smokeless tobacco, smoking cigarettes, laughing, talking, DO NOT ask, “What’s so funny?” I promise. They will cease whatever they are doing. Instantly. Glare, leer, and gaze at you as if you had insulted their granny. For your own life’s sake, go ahead, buy your unsalted moose jerky, glass of Lipton green tea, and be on your way.

2. If you find yourself traveling down south, I advise to NOT wear fine clothes. Stop at a rest stop before you enter the south and change into jeans, a denim jacket and put on a yellow CAT Diesel Power cap. A man is judged first by his clothes. If you get in trouble in the south, the first thing southerners will say is, “Look at this fancy dan. Why is he coming down here dressed like a Saturday lawyer?” So play it safe. Dress down. You will save yourself some unwanted headaches.

3. In a southern restaurant and you order a meal, DO NOT ask a lot of needless questions like, “Waitress, may I have my onions gently turned in olive oil?” for this infuriates any southern waitress. Eat what you like on their menu. And smile a lot to the waitress probably named, “Brenda,” plus, to insure that you receive an easy exit, leave a big tip.

4. In a southern restaurant, DO NOT ask, ,”Just what is grits, miss?” To “Brenda,” the waitress working two jobs (including this one) to put her two kids, “J.W.”, and “Ellie Sue,” through high school. You will be laughed at by “Brenda,” and the staff behind the counter and the cooks running the grill. Please keep all questions to yourself. If you’re unsure about an item on their menu, pass over it.

5. When stopping to ask directions, DO NOT ask the southern girl if she is standing in Fred’s Dollar Store parking lot with her steady-fella and his buddies, or her steady and the buddies will be glad to give you directions alright. Directions to the pavement with your face. Always, honor the southern man FIRST, regardless of how lost you are. And as a gesture of good will, offer him a ten-dollar tip.

6. If you are entering a public business in the south, and a dog runs up to you--wagging its tail, hassling, DO NOT scold, kick, or throw rocks at this animal for it might belong to a “D.W.,” the local body builder turned bouncer for the local nightclub just down the block. Pat, if you can, the animal with your hand. Gently. And if you get automotive grease on your hand, well, that just means that the animal has just awoke from his nap underneath his owner’s ‘77 Ford pick up truck. He is most likely, harmless. The dog. Not the owner.

7. If you are visiting relatives in the south for the first time, let me just say to you. Leave all of your back-home, eastern, western and northern traditions, words, and opinions there. Back home. No matter what your southern relatives are talking about, DO NOT disagree. With anything. Southerners appreciate a man or woman who isn’t against them, so play it cool and agree with the statements made over fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and fried okra, and after you eat of this manna from Heaven, ALWAYS, and I DO mean ALWAYS, compliment the cook. It’s the lady or ladies who cooked this classy meal and also they are the ones who call the shots in the house, not the guys. Learn who is really in charge and form an alliance with them.

8. When you are asked to comment on things, on purpose, drop in a few ain’t’s, huh’s, and you betcha’s in the conversation. This will make your southern hosts more at ease instead of using those fifty-dollar words you learned at Harvard University.

9. Speaking of higher education, do not be too quick to judge your elderly relatives who have known only manual labor over their lives. And their lack of a school house education. They are in their 80’s, they have a good house, money in the bank, and kids without criminal records, they must be doing something right.

10. THIS ONE IS THE ULTIMATE DO NOT if a discussion starts up about The War Between The States (Civil War), DO NOT offer an opinion either way. This one subject has caused more hurt feelings, torn families apart and even bloodshed than any other subject known to man, except the discussion on who makes the best Daisy Duke, Catherine Bach or Jessica Simpson. Use your college education and just keep your mouth shut in THIS discussion. You will come out great in the long run.

11. If attacked by a gang of rednecks, DO NOT fight back. YOU are the one from out of town, not them. Who do you think will believe you in a southern court of law? Remember the movie, “My Cousin Vinny”? Yeah. That will open your eyes quickly and you will not feel like being a hero and trying to whip two southern guys. Just act like their punches hurt you and lay on the ground. Maybe when they see you curling up in a fetal position, they will laugh at you and leave.

Things That You Are TO DO While You Are In The South . . .

1. Always be courteous, but not overly-courteous. Southern gals will think that you are putting the move on them and they will call their boyfriend, “J.D.,” and when he gets finished with you, you will be a quieter man.

2. When you and the wife visit a Waffle House, Deny’s or Huddle House in the south, DO tell the waitress that (whatever restaurant you are in at the time), is YOUR favorite. What a great public relations move.

3. DO obey all laws in the south including speed limits that to you, seem extreme and senseless. Again, you are the out-of-towner, just be humble and if the sign says 12 Miles Per Hour, by all means, do 12 miles an hour.

4. DO be extremely respectful when pulled over by a policeman in the south. Southern policemen appreciate respect. And DO check your license before you leave San Diego to make sure it hasn’t lapsed. Make sure your car registration and insurance is up to date. And be polite with the officer…NO matter how he looks or talks. You are on his turf. Remember that.

5. DO respect the Stars and Bars southern flag. Okay. I know that you are highly-educated, know your history, but do show the southerner some respect by NOT saying in a loud voice, your opinion on what their flag means. Just respect it. Move along. No trouble. No arrests.

6. When eating dinner (to you. Supper to southerners), on a Saturday afternoon or night in a southern restaurant, first, if there happens to be a college football game on the big-screen television above the check-out counter, first listen to the crowd. Whatever team they are pulling for is the team that YOU pull for. I know that you might be a Michigan Wolverine fan, but just this one time, be a Georgia Bulldog fan. You might escape without a scratch for I can tell you. Southerners--guys and girls, all take their college football seriously. Regardless if they went to college or not.

So, my friends, there you have it. And easy-to-do list of things that tells you, in plain English, “How To Successfully Survive The South,” and I personally, extend to you, if you are from the north, east, or west, a cordial invitation to visit us here in our homeland anytime you like. Bring your family, friends, and family pet. We would love to have you visit, or even ‘put down roots,” in the south.


That ‘put down roots,’ means stay.


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Comments 58 comments

daskittlez69 profile image

daskittlez69 5 years ago from midwest

lol Amen!!! If you liked the pics you posted check out www.youhoosier.com there are tons of them. Thanks for the great hub Ken, keep up the good work!!!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

hey, man! THANK YOU so much, daskittlez69, for your laugh and compliment. Just hope that hubbers (besides me) from the south are not offended. Then I will have another subject to deal with. Thanks, man.


KathyH profile image

KathyH 5 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

Too funny!! From someone who has spent a lot of time in the South... I got one more fer ya! ;) When you are in a Waffle House, if a sign is posted that says "NO CUSSIN' AT ANY TIME"... OBEY the sign, don't say "well, sh*t, will ya look at that d*mn sign!" You might just get yerself kicked out of the Waffle House! :) :) Yep, one of my prouder moments! (winking!!) Great hub! Voted up and funny!!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Kathy H., THANKS FOR THE Votes and Idea. I have been stressed by slow service, but, Thank GOD, my appetite wouldn't let me say a cuss word in a Waffle House or any other restaurant. Thank YOU, friend, for your comment.


Lucky Cats profile image

Lucky Cats 5 years ago from The beautiful Napa Valley, California

Kenneth...this is way TOO FUNNY! I love all these "how to's" and "do not's." and, it's true! I come from the West (that's left) coast of California...and have lived in America's Heartland for almost 5 years and, your hub describes it purt near perfectly! LOLOLOL! You are SO right about lovin' yer 'college sports' and speed limits of 12 mph...yes, sometimes, it's like being in a funeral procession...everything S-L-O-W-S down once you enter into Southern and Southern near neighboring states. Fabulously funny.,,one, I might add:

"GIT 'ER DONE!!" Yep! they really say that!

All ups..well, I didn't hit Beautiful but, I could have, I guess.

LOVE THE PICTURES!!!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Lucky Cats, Seriously and Sincerely, THANK YOU VERY MUCH for this and all of your nice, sweet comments. Most of this is true. You need to visit my hometown (see profile for hometown) and you will know what I am am talking about. Thanks too for LOVING the photos. You are a great encouragement to me, Lucky! I appreciate YOU!


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 5 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

Hi Kenneth. If I hadn't already visited California, San Diego, Tijuana and travelled down to Mexico this hub would have put me off the trip. But I enjoyed every minute of my 3 trips and survived all of them.

A great entertaining hub and love the photos.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Rosemay,Thank you so VERY MUCH for your lovely comment. The South is a lovely place to live, work and raise kids...but like everywhere else, there are some places that need the people to be more respectful. Thanks again. Bless you for this also.


Sueswan 5 years ago

Hi Kenneth,

You have educated me on the south and made me laugh at the same time.

3. In a southern restaurant and you order a meal, DO NOT ask a lot of needless questions like, “Waitress, may I have my onions gently turned in olive oil?” ROFL

"Especially when it involves people working to and achieving the fine art of getting along with each other."

Kenneth I vote for you as the goodwill ambassador of the south.

Voted up, up and away.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Sueswan, SINCERELY, THANK YOU so MUCH for all of your votes, comments, compliments and most importantly, your friendship. Never in my 57 years on earth, have I had friends in Australia, New Zealand, and all across the world. I am GLAD that YOU were ONE of MY FIRST followers. I will NOT forget YOU or your encouragement. And thank you for the title of goodwill ambassador. Now to find somewhere in my homeland where goodwill is understood.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

Thanks for the the southern lesson. I think I have to print this hub and take it with me when I go south. Up and funny.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear breakfastpop, that is great and you are most welcome, "child," see how I blended the old south lingo into my comment? It takes practice, but YOU will get the hang of it in a few days. Oh, when you are on rural highways, those with 2 lanes and one mark in the middle, be sure to watch for armadillo's...they are replacing our chicken who, for some reason, keeps wanting to cross our roads. Thanks for your votes and encouragement.


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 5 years ago from The Beautiful South

This is great and I must be far enough south myself to understand all the slang! lol Great hub!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Jackie Lynnley . . ."a SINCERE THANK YOU," for the kind remark. I am a newbie to HubPages and every comment, follower I have been blessed with and those I follow, I treasure. You included. Thanks so much.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Loved this. My parents born/grew up in Georgia, and we spent our summers there so they could be with their parents. Dad moved to Michigan to work in the car factories, but I remember all these things so vividly! When you talked about "My Cousin Vinny" I was already thinking "I wonder if you saw that!" LOL! The only one I think was different is in the north we'd say 'huh' and in the south they said 'do what." I moved back to the south, I loved it so much but I find in NC they don't have the southern hospitality that I knew from GA! Here they're just as rude as Detroit where I left to find the goodness I missed of the south.. Shoulda went back to GA I guess. lol

And how can anyone NOT thank a southern chef? The food is just too dern good :) lol there really is nothing like mom's chicken dinners and morning gravy and biscuits! (and the lbs it keeps on the woman's rear lol) Makes me miss my mama! :) v-up! I miss the south as my daddy always showed me, and there's nothing like washing your car in a creek with a bubbling spring!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Katharella, THANK YOU A LOT for this warm and touching comment. You are a "belle" after "muh" own heart. Loved the gravy and biscuits touch. My mama made those often. I wish that one day you would come to Hamilton, Alabama, a smaller town than Mayberry/Andy Griffith, and really see how us "modern southerners" live today. And I cannot THANK YOU enough for taking the time to comment.


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

Kenneth,

This was so good and funny..thank you...I am from Ga way back but southern deep down and I loved remembering the southern draw and words I use to use ALL the time..It still slips out once in awhile..and I live in Texas so it is mix for sure..Take care

Sunnie


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Sunnie, THANK YE' FROM MY HEART, for your great comment that cheered me up tonight. You are true to your name: Sunnie..my mood was getting dark a while ago. Then I read your commment and bam! The room lit up. Thanks again and PLEASE stay in touch with me.


hot dorkage profile image

hot dorkage 5 years ago from Oregon, USA

Very nice, yes indeed. We spent some time in Charlotte North Carolina and I was impressed by how courteous everyone was (even while they stab you in the back and twist the blade.) Seriously. I remember the look of utter bewilderment on the teacher's face when I asked if there was any particular color or sports team jackets the kids shouldn't wear. Be happy southerners that that crap hasn't penetrated into your culture yet (or at least hadn't back then -- in the 90s)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

hello, hot dorkage, thank YOU for this comment. It means a bunch to me. Seriously. And I am truly sorry for your bad experience in this part of the country. Now I love Woodruff, S.C., homey, quiet, peaceful and friendly. When I die, I want my ashes strewn over S.C. from an old boy crop duster...now to me, that's going in style. Right?


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

Kenneth, you had me rolling on this one. So much is so true. I am Southern born and bred and named Brenda! I have five bubbas that resemble the guys mentioned in this Hub and love to fish. That fishin' chair looked familiar. My accent is so strong that when I called (out of state) and asked for Mike, the man said "We do not have a Mack that works here" and hung up on me. True story!

Lovely, fun, imaginative and fabulous Hub.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Hypenbird, out of sincere respect to one southerner to another, "howdy," and I sincerely THANK YOU for this lovely and humorous comment! You haven't talked with me for I still use the occasional 'ain't', 'poke' (for paper bag) and 'cold drank' for soda pop. I simply cannot change who or what I am! Thanks so much for making me feel wanted!


JannyC profile image

JannyC 5 years ago

Loved this! It was entertaining and informative really all at the same time. Not many can pull that off! Good job! Consider me entertained and educated!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Dear JannyC, " a SINCERE and HEART FELT THANK YOU, for this warm comment. I may be new to Hubs, but I was in the service industry for 23 years at a newspaper in my hometown and was taught THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER IN BUSINESS OR IN LIFE: "Take care of the people who take care of YOU. Appreciate and tell those who ally with you how MUCH they mean to you and MEAN IT," and that is why the capital letters of SINCERE and THANK YOU to you! I do love YOUR hubs too.


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 5 years ago from Central Oklahoma

I just recently moved from "Up North" (Kansas) into the land of sweet tea and Y'alls, and am still learning what's "proper" and what ain't proper "down here". From traveling in other parts of the country, I learned the best way to blend in when you "ain't from around here" is to mostly keep my mouth SHUT, my ears open and smile and nod a lot. Especially when interacting with anyone with a small armory in the rack in the back window of his pickup. Or anyone with a tattoo of the "Stars and Bars" on either bicep (this includes women). I also find my minimal utterances include many more "Yes sirs" and No, Ma'ams" than I ever used back home.

Oklahoma, of course, isn't the DEEP South you're referring to in this hub, but in my visits to Mississippi, I **never** forgot I was just visiting (and preferred to leave with all my body parts intact), so I was even more polite and agreeable!

Had to pop into Texas a couple of months ago (which truly IS a "whole 'nother country") and a mile past the border (not the state line, the border!) a cop pulled in behind me, so you betcha I kept an eye on the speedometer until he finally got bored and passed me. And most definitely, casual is THE best attire, but I maybe shoulda left the Birkenstocks at home...

Should add that some of the lingo and mannerisms of the South are not totally unfamiliar to me, owing to two lifelong-barefoot aunts by marriage who were born in the South, but I will NEVER learn to like grits...

Great hub! ;D


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

JamaGenee . . .WOW! This comment of yours was BETTER than my hub! You have a natural gift of expressive creativity. What a easy flow of words you gave me to read. LOVED IT. Sorry that your visits to the South were not more enjoyable, but consider this. If I were to visit Oklahoma or Kansas...I would NOT fit in. I am not an outdoorsman at all. I love those states. And the people, but I want to be up-front--I am a misfit. Keep in touch! Nice comment.


Kate H profile image

Kate H 5 years ago from Upstate New York

I come from a small town from up north in New York. I feel like people here are a bit more accepting of strangers from other parts of the country. A southern guy was hired recently where I work and everyone loved him right away. We think its funny and kinda cute when he doesn't understand what we're talking about or uses southern terms but we always try to make him feel included and not out of place. Its the same for people from different countries. I'm always extra polite to people who clearly can't speak English very well. I'd say the only group we aren't too fond of is the Canadians because they tend to be the most demanding, messy and rude customers we see. Other than that I don't think anyone would have to worry when visiting my town. You can be yourself up here and we'll still like ya. Have you ever lived up North?

I did get a kick out of your hub though. Some of it I would have done anyway because I am overly polite to strangers as it is. But you offered an interesting insight into what its like dealing with people from out of town. I have a brother that lived in Georgia for awhile and he has a few funny stories that this hub reminded me of. I love a southern accent. Thanks for sharing this info Kenneth! I will be checking back to see what else you write. Nice hub and voted up!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Kate H., first of all, let me personally COMMEND and APPLAUD YOU for your warm and understanding attitude toward people from different areas of the country/world. This is a fantastic way to treat people. I am very proud to call you my hub friend. And no, I haven't liked in the north, but have visited Adrian, Michigan about three times. The people there are similarly like us in the south--friendly and personable. Like us, they give themselves time to get to know someone before they actually open up, but that is a normal reflex. All is good. And THANK YOU FOR THE VOTE UP..and comment. They both made my day.


johnyjane profile image

johnyjane 5 years ago from London

Your Hub is complete How To Guide for anyone looking for the concerned topic for more understanding.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, johny, thanks a bunch, man for the comment. I am very sincere. I appreciate your comments, input as I do all people who take the time to share their thinking with me. Have a great day and keep up your great hubs.


pigfish profile image

pigfish 5 years ago from Southwest Ohio

Great hub kenneth! I will pass it along to our son who just started college in the South. I am pleased to say he has already started saying "ya'all", and has discovered sweet tea and church potlucks. And...his beat up old truck, that we love and miss, fits right in.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Pigfish, (where did you get this unique title?) Thank YOU for the warm comment. Tell your son to "Geetttt 'errrr doooneeee,' when you talk to him. Tell him "I" said that to him. And wish him all the BEST! OH yeah, I mean yes, he will have a proverbial ball down heah, I mean here, with us of southern roots and birth. Glad to him him. And thank YOU again for this comment. Kenneth


sweetie1 profile image

sweetie1 4 years ago from India

Hi Kenneth, Well I am not from USA so i didn't know all this about southern states of USA. Very amusing and funny hub. Liked it


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, sweetie1, THANK YOU SO MUCH for liking this hub. It was one of my early attempts. Thanks for reminding me that this hub was still alive. Im so very grateful to have met you on HubPages. You are a delightful writer. And person.

Sincerely, KENNETH


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michabelle 4 years ago

I'm glad you created it. What fun!! I particularly like the fishing chair. :-)


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kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LOL,michabelle! I would drown if I had to use this contraption. And I DONT drink, so there you have it. I am a "cane pole bank fisherman," do you know what that is? A cowardly man who cannot swim that well and can't afford a Zebco. A little fishing humor there. Thanks for stopping by. It's always a PLEASURE to read your comments.

"Y'all" Have a Great Weekend!

Your Southern Friend, KENNETH


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michabelle 4 years ago

Southern-fried I am, Kenneth Avery and I have chased a grandaddy trout underneath a big rock in a fast creek in my younger day. I had him cornered but didn't quite ketch him. Heck who cares 'bout Zebcos when you got yer bare hands.. ? lol


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kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear michabelle, my dear friend, YOU are braver than this ruralite from Marion County, Alabama. I admire that in a woman. Being braver. Im not a macho guy either. Just me. With all of my faults, flaws and imperfections...I am just me. Bare hands...Love the wording you use, michabelle.

Catch ye' later (see if you can top this one?)

KENNETH


michabelle profile image

michabelle 4 years ago

well well well I reckon youins up yonder in Bammy oughtn' ta know bout bare handed fishin'.. lol


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LOL, that thar iz a good-un, I tell ye! Us Bamaisns are sorta skeedish towardz baar handed fishin...we uns needs us a pole. LOL. YOUR line was much better, michabelle.


sarmack profile image

sarmack 4 years ago from Washington

I lived in Alabama when I was a young mother. My husband was stationed there for the military. My son was born there! It was a wonderful experience to live in Alabama. People were kind and took us into their friendship as though we had lived their our whole lives. I will cherish the memories of Alabama for my entire life.


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kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

You got that right, sarmack! Thank you for your stance (with us) about the South. And I too live in Hamilton, Alabama, about 2 hours east of Birmingham down 78 West then link to I-22 . . .take you straight to my hometown. What part of Bama did you live? I betcha I know of your locale as Ive travelled some in Alabama in my younger days. Thanks for YOUR warm comments and Roll TIDE!


catgypsy profile image

catgypsy 4 years ago from the South

Kenneth, this is priceless! I have to add one more don't. Don't try to imitate the accent and say "you all". First , you can't say it right and second it's just plain bad manners. They'll just think you're making fun of them, which you probably are. Great Hub!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Feb. 1, Dear catgypsy, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your sweet and charming comment. Signs that YOU are a modern-day Southern Belle. Independent. Empowered. Free to do anything you like. Confident. Positive. Reasons why I appreciate you as a person, friend and follower.

KENNETH


AnesaK profile image

AnesaK 4 years ago from USA

That about sums it up! Very funny, and so true :). I lived in the South for four years as a teen, and needless to say, did not fit in at all. At least now I can look back and see what I did wrong, hehe. Voted up!


sarmack profile image

sarmack 4 years ago from Washington

I lived in Anniston and Oxford, Alabama, Kenneth. My son was born at the old Noble Army Hospital at Fort McClellan. Wonderful days!


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kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, AnesaK!

I know the feeling. And I LIVE in the south. Its pretty bad when the people you grew up with turn lofty. When they are as poor as you. And they cannot say "Y'all" correctly either. But thank you for making me feel good with your comment.

God bless you.

Kenneth


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kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Dear sarmack,

I know about Anniston. Lovely town. As well as the south altogether. Ive been pretty much (when I was able to travel), all over the south and never found a town that I didn't like. I am glad to have you visit me, sarmack. You made my night a bit brighter.

Kenneth


LuxmiH profile image

LuxmiH 4 years ago from Fort Pierce, Florida

When I first moved to Georgia, people seemed to have difficulty understanding my Rhodesian, (semi-British Colonial) accent. People would turn to my husband and ask "What'd she jest say?" Since I was speaking perfectly good Queens English I could not understand why they were having difficulty understanding me.

Then one day I walked into a store and the sales person walked up to me and asked, "Can I hep yoo?"

I had absolutely no clue as to what it was he wanted to do to, or for me.

I dearly love Southerners and Augusta, Georgia still has a very special place in my heart. By the way, I also learned that "Yawl" is short-speak for 'you,' and not just part of you, but ALL of you! "Y'all". I wonder if that's how the song "All of me, why not take all of me..." originated? Thanks for this Hub. It brought back so many funny memories of a 'ferner' in the South.

Voted up.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

My Deah LuxmiH . . .where do I start? Okay. Thank YOU from my ol' heart for your grammatically-correct comment that I DID understand--even the southern slang that YOU used perfectly! I admire you bi-Southern language talent. South Slang: A "poke" is not a nudge with the fingertip, but a brown paper bag. Just wanted to throw in some FREE education.

I appreciate, or is it, 'ppreciate, you so much for reading this, one of my early projects. What makes me glad is that YOU liked this. Honest.

I wish I had a Hewlitt-Packard printer so I could print out your sweet comment.

Sincerely . . .and Yawl have yeself a safe un!

Kenneth


Starmom41 4 years ago

cool hub!

If I can add one from my own experience: while some of us born-and-raised Yankees may think brown sugar is a good addition when making cornbread, some Southerners do not take it as well. I worked as a home health aide, & my dear patient acted like I was trying to poison her!


Suzie HQ profile image

Suzie HQ 4 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

Yo,Kenneth! You lissenhere - this her hub ain't half bad!!!!!!!! Recken it's a grand piece of southern hospitality that SERIOUSLY WORKS FER ME!!!! LOL - SHOOT, it's brilliant, lovin it! Not visit the south . . . . . I DON'T THANK SO!! Superd intro for "those oblivious to the southern charm and quaint customs??? 12 m.p.h works fer me! Voting up up and . .UP! Sharing all the way. Great informative hub,can't wait to visit some her day!


PurvisBobbi44 profile image

PurvisBobbi44 4 years ago from Florida

Kenneth,

I will be back to read this one.

Your Hub Friend,

Bobbi Purvis


PurvisBobbi44 profile image

PurvisBobbi44 4 years ago from Florida

Kenneth,

You are so funny---you make me laugh out loud. I sound like I am from North Carolina, but I was born in Florida.

Some of the things you say about the South reminds me of the time I went to Georgia with my Grandmother to visit her cousin.

I was only 12 but I could not understand some of their meanings and I would just smile at them. It was like another country---and my grandmother laughed at me until we arrived home in Florida.

Those people were so sweet really and the best cooks. But honestly--I hate grits--ugh.

Your Hub Friend,

Bobbi Purvis


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Susie HQ,

Thanks a million for your approval on this hub. I love your style of commenting. And I sincerely appreciate you taking time to do this. I myself, still live in Hamilton, a northwest Alabama town with lots of southern traditions. I extend to you, my personal standing invitation to visit with me in Hamilton and lunch is on me. Hey, we might just eat with our mayor and police chief.

Kenneth


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kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

My Dear Bobbi,

"Thanks, dear friend, for your sweet and uplifting words that I needed today." "I do my best to keep people on Hubs laughing and not dwelling on the dark side of life--rape, murder, thievery. And war too. I just hope that if I pass away today, July 3, 2012, someone will say of me that I made them happy if only for a moment. That will surely make my day.

Kenneth


Suzie HQ profile image

Suzie HQ 4 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

Ha!! Like it Kenneth! When i am in the south that's a date! Lunch works for me and with the mayor and police chief! Appreciate the invitation!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Susie . . ."Wow-eee, anytime you like. I will email you directions WHEN you want to take a tour and visit little ol' Hamilton and I will guarantee that YOU will leave in a different frame of mind than the one you arrived with. But in a good way.

Do you, by any chance, like pecan pie?

Kenneth

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