The Top Fifteen Trashiest Spring Break Destinations

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Are you a college student who is wondering what may be the hottest spring break party destination in the United States?

Or.....

Are you a concerned parent of of a college-aged son or daughter, and wonder what sort of decadent / trash-filled destination your child will be flying off to during spring break?

Well in either case, you are in luck! The fine people at "coedmagazine.com" have put together a list of the "Top 15 Trashiest Spring Break Destinations." As a matter of public service, I am going to highlight some of the details of how they came to their conclusions, list the cities in question, and summarize the reasons why that city ranked where it did. Buckle up. Here we go!

The Criteria

When deciding which cities were "trashy" enough to make this list, apparently the writers/editors used the following "criteria" to help them weed out the candidates. While they don't specifically state how heavily each item is weighed, you definitely see where they are going when they list each characteristic. The criteria for each city is:

  • Have they had any motorcycle rallies or "bike weeks" in recent years?
  • Does the city have any casinos?
  • What are the city's laws for public drinking, and bar closing times?
  • How many "Girls Gone Wild" photo shoots have occurred there in recent history?

A Hooters establishment will help your ranking.
A Hooters establishment will help your ranking. | Source
  • Does the city have a "Hooters" establishment (or more)?
  • How many liquor stores does the city have?
  • How many strip clubs does the city have?
  • How many tattoo parlors are in the vicinity?

See....I told you it was "scientific."

I must also add that "coedmagazine.com" reminds the reader that "what really makes Spring Break trashy, is you."

Of course it does.

Lets get to it!

The Trashiest Spring Break Cities: 15 Through 11

15. San Diego, CA

San Diego is mainly notable for its warm weather and its lovely beaches. While it does not have a bike week, a casino, or favorable public drinking laws, it has hosted "Girls Gone Wild," and has four "Hooters" establishments. When you add the city's 14 strip clubs and over 100 tattoo venues to that, the odds are high that a good time could probably be found there. The "Gas Lamp District" is a notable party zone in case you are interested.

14. New Orleans, LA

I thought "The Big Easy" would rate higher than this, especially given its penchant for public drinking, publicly bared breasts, prostitution, and access to the nearby water-front casinos. However, apparently the editors felt the city's lack of any "Hooters" or Bike Week festivities didn't qualify the city to be as "trashy" as its competitors. They also cited the significant "cultural" aspect in the area as a reason for the low rating. I have to disagree with that one. Any town where you can throw beads at someone to get them to bare their breasts deserves a better ranking. "Girls Gone Wild" must agree with me, as they have spent more than a few Spring Breaks there.

13. Scottsdale, AZ

I have to admit that this town has never been on my radar as a Spring Break destination, but the editors felt that the nearby Arizona State University gave it considerable clout. While "The Dale" has standard liquor and bar hour laws, I'm sure they made the rankings due to the three nearby casinos and past visits from "Girls Gone Wild." Always a badge of honor for any town.

12. Virginia Beach, VA

I have no idea why this one is here. While it is popular for many East Coast students, it doesn't host a significant amount of entertainment. No casinos, strict liquor laws, and the dancers in strip clubs reportedly have to wear bikinis at all times. The only upside I could see was that there is ONE "Hooters" there. While it is supposedly a good one, I have to wholeheartedly disagree with this city being on the list. Having said that, I'm sure that if I was in the neighborhood I would stop and visit.

11. Tampa, FL

Tampa is reportedly one of those cities that is quite wild, but somehow flies under the radar for the most part. This is pretty remarkable: They have two casinos, the bars close at 3AM, there are five "Hooters" restaurants, 32 strip clubs, and "Girls Gone Wild" has been there. This sounds like a quality candidate and it would be hard NOT to have fun here. Go Tampa!

The Trashiest Spring Break Cities: 10 Through 6

10. Fort Myers, FL

I was surprised to see Fort Myers in the top ten given the fact it is kind of strict in regards to its local liquor laws. However, Fort Myers has FOUR "Hooters" establishments - and one of them is allegedly one of the first "Hooters" establishments ever! So they have that going for them...which is nice. They also have a nearby boat-based casino and they have several liquor stores right next to the beach. So even though openly drinking on the beach is prohibited, one does not have to go far from the sand to get something to drink if they so desire. Another notable fact: "Girls Gone Wild" has never filmed in Fort Myers, but reportedly not for lack of trying. Apparently the city caught wind of them coming there and reportedly kicked them out! I don't know why, but you have to respect that a little bit. The fact it is on the beach and you don't have to go terribly far south into Florida itself - probably makes this a popular destination.

9. Key West, FL

Based on the review, I have to say Key West deserves to be on this list. Never mind the fact they are pretty much the most southern point of the United States, they reportedly have very relaxed public consumption laws during the Spring Break season. While they do not have a "Hooters," a casino, or a recorded visit from "Girls Gone Wild," they DO have at least five totally nude strip clubs, bars that stay open until 4AM, and host an annual bike week. "Coedmagazine.com" even states that the town's Police Chief confirmed the lenient liquor laws when reviewing facts for their story. That guy should be named Officer of the Year. Seriously.

8. Panama City Beach, FL

When a person thinks "spring break," this is probably one of the first three place they think of. You can pretty much guarantee a "bro-fest" in PCB as it is a frat-guy destination for sure. The city touts two Hooters, no strip clubs (but ample wet t-shirt contests), and has hosted Girls Gone Wild. It should be noted that Panama City Beach holds the distinction for arresting the owner/scumbag of the Girls Gone Wild Franchise - Joe Francis. I have to give a big thumbs up to the city of PCB for this.

7. Miami, FL

Awww yeah South Beach! If you have the cash, Miami is definitely the place to go - Will Smith even says so. Two things you definitely need though: A car, as the public transportation system is AWFUL - and penicillin. This is just a precaution because the Jersey Shore kids have all stayed there - You're welcome. As I said before, cash is a necessity because the cover charge to get in the hot places is a little outrageous, and then the drinks inside are even more so. The town has three strip clubs, three Hooters, over twenty liquor stores, and hot bodies on the beach. So in the event you can't afford to get into the club where Will Smith is, that's OK. There is plenty of beach and tons of liquor stores to make you forget about your troubles. That's my kind of town.

6. Lake Havasu, AZ

Lake Havasu has no casinos, no strip clubs, no casinos, no bike weeks, and TWO liquor stores. Why is this city on the list you ask? Because it is a big lake FULL of drunk and partially naked co-eds. If you go to Lake Havasu, make sure you have a nice boat - or someone who has one and will let you on - because that is where the party is. The bigger your boat, the more people will want to get on your boat. The more people on your boat will often lead to some crazy stuff. Girls Gone Wild has been there. If this sounds fun, you should probably go too.

THE TOP FIVE TRASHIEST SPRING BREAK DESTINATIONS

5. Orlando, FL

Yes Orlando is home to several theme parks such as Disney and Busch Gardens, but rest assured that each of these venues has a number of bars to numb away the pain of spending the day with a mouse and his weirdo companions. Outside of the theme parks and in the actual city of Orlando itself, is an area called "Church Street" that is home to a number of bars with drinks specials for your discriminating wallet. It should also be noted that Orlando made another list that it wasn't too happy about: "The #1 Most Dangerous Spring Break Destination in the United States." Way to go O-Town. In case you were wondering, the city has 10 strip clubs, FIVE Hooters, and over 80 liquor stores. I would steer clear of this fine city if I were you, but then again...where is the fun in that right?

4. Myrtle Beach, SC

The locals will tell you that the best way to attack Myrtle Beach is a 3-faced attack. First spend all day at the beach getting hammered. Then when it gets dark, hit the bars and keep drinking until they close at 2AM. Then finally you can hit the strip clubs because they will keep serving until 4AM. After that, you can crash in your hotel room for a few hours and do it all again. In case you get bored with this routine, always remember there are two casinos, two Hooters, and over 80 liquor stores. So its safe to say you don't have to do the same thing every night. I like this town.

3. Daytona Beach, FL

When it comes to Spring Break, Daytona Beach has arguably been considered the "original" destination for college students for several decades now. While the city itself is pretty "standard" when it comes to the ranking criteria, one thing it has that the other don't - is fifteen miles of beaches. That's a lot of sand - and likewise - that usually equals a lot of hot bodies. One thing is for certain these days when it comes to Daytona Beach, it is the #1 destination for underage drinkers. In 2010 there was a record 1000+ arrests for underage drinking. So kids, if you are underage and you are going to Daytona to drink, watch yourself. Parents...don't let your underage kids go to Daytona, because they are going to get drunk and do something stupid - like get arrested.

2. South Padre Island, TX

Ah South Padre. When I mentioned before that there were arguably three destinations that people think of when they talk about Spring Break, one was Panama City Beach, the second is Daytona Beach, and then there is South Padre. This island is notorious for catering to college kids looking for beach-front partying on the cheap. The fact that there are no liquor laws on the beach is the primary reason there are endless parties that are going on all over the place. Parties, bad decisions, and even more parties are a definite consequence of visiting South Padre for Spring Break.

And FINALLY!..............................................................

I'm a winner!
I'm a winner! | Source

The Number One Trashiest Spring Break Destination:

1. LAS VEGAS.

What do I even need to say here? Las Vegas is THE city where you can do anything and everything you can imagine? Gambling? Oh yeah. Drinking? Oh yeah. Clubs? Oh yeah. Drinking in the streets? Oh yeah. Strip clubs? More than you can count. In fact, per capita Vegas has more strip clubs than any other city. Prostitution? Only outside the city limits. Pools and hot bodies in the sun? Oh yeah. Are you looking to get really wild? There are charters to go skydiving, take helicopter spins down The Strip at night, golf at some REALLY nice resorts, and even go see Hoover Dam! Yeah that last one is not very exciting, but it is cool to see. Even if you don't like to do any of the debaucherous stuff I mention above, I have always said that Las Vegas is one of those cities you need to see at least once. In one look, it is the most amazing place ever. In another look, it is the most hugest waste of space and the largest spectacle of gluttony one can imagine. Its pretty awesome.

And there you go gang, the Top 15 Trashiest Places For Spring Break. If you are heading to one of these locales this year - or know someone who is - just make sure to tell them to be careful. Its OK to have fun, but its another to do something really stupid.


Thanks for reading.

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