Tourism Advisory Warning: Avoid Naples - Napoli, Italy... Crime, Filth, Danger!
Naples, or Napoli, Italy must be avoided at all costs by any tourist for any reason. Do not go. Do not even think of going. You will be robbed, mugged, beaten, and perhaps even killed. If you manage to make it out in one piece, you will suffer long term health ailments from exposure to the most polluted environment in Europe. Sodom & Gomorrah was Disneyland as compared to Naples. If you absolutely have to see Capri, Pompeii and Mt. Vesuvius... rent a video!
I am a native of Naples. I am a proud Canadian and Italian. I am so protective of my Southern Italian roots that I forced Apple to pull an iPhone national TV ad because they used a discriminatory word against us Southerners. However, I am ashamed of the repugnant city of my birth. It does not belong in Italy: It belongs in hell. Actually... it is hell.
Unlike Mr. Obama, I can show you my birth certificate... and it shows that I was born in Naples, Italy. I was raised a block from the central train station. You just can't get more Neapolitan than me. So I can certainly make this statement in full honesty and with absolutely no fear of being called a discriminatory racist:
The best thing that could happen to Naples: An asteroid strike.
99% of all Neapolitans are criminal scumbags who will roll you for your shoes. They are the vilest, lowest dreck on the face of the planet and to call them beasts insults beasts. The city they inhabit should be fenced in and the world should wait until they eat each other before it is considered safe to enter it in order to carry out the greatest HazMat cleanup in history.
If you think that I'm not dead (and I mean dead) serious about this, I'll repeat it in Italian for my paisanos:
99% di tutti i Napoletani sono criminali che vi ammazzano per rubarvi le scarpe. Sono la melma piu fetida sulla Terra, e chiamarli belve insulta le belve. La citta dovrebbe essere sigillata ed il mondo dovrebbe aspettare finche tutti i Napoletani si mangiano uno con l'altro come i cannibali, prima di rientrare per eseguire il progetto di pulizia ambientale piu enorme nella storia del mondo.
I do not wish death upon anyone. Neapolitans should be allowed to live, as long as they submitted to extraCampanian brain transplants.
In my Settling It Forever: Where Is The World's Best Pizza Hub, Francesco commented:
If you can back off with the constant insults at Naples it would be greatly appreciated. Me, I live in America but am a Neapolitan at heart. I even would rather live in Naples then in Miami, or Los Angeles (which I have visited and now live in). I know that Naples might not look good in some places and I admit it is a garbage dump but to many of us we call it home. I smile at all the people screaming insults at each other in thick dialect and this might sound crazy but the smell of Naples is actually good if you get used to it. The ocean air mixed with the smell of garbage and ceramics is pretty refreshing.
Ah, that reinvigorating salt air mixed with rotting trash. Truly a tourist's delight. Why not pass over a week in Tahiti, the Maldives, or maybe in Barbados to go inhale the stench of garbage that's set alight since it can't be collected anyway?
Naples is a city with only two buildings that should be salvaged: Da Michele and Pellone's Pizzerias. The rest should be razed to the ground and lime spread over the rubble a la Carthage. There is nothing else to save in Naples. From the soil itself all the way up to its inhabitants, every aspect of Naples has been corrupted and polluted beyond redemption.
There is no city on Earth which exceeds Naples in (alphabetical order):
Listen to a man who was born and raised in Naples: Stay safe and never visit Naples. Never. If you visit Italy steer around the entire province of Campania. Do not go near Naples. Not now, not ever... or at least until the asteroid finally strikes it.
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