Tourism Advisory Warning: Avoid Naples - Napoli, Italy... Crime, Filth, Danger!

Naples, or Napoli, Italy must be avoided at all costs by any tourist for any reason. Do not go. Do not even think of going. You will be robbed, mugged, beaten, and perhaps even killed. If you manage to make it out in one piece, you will suffer long term health ailments from exposure to the most polluted environment in Europe. Sodom & Gomorrah was Disneyland as compared to Naples. If you absolutely have to see Capri, Pompeii and Mt. Vesuvius... rent a video!

I am a native of Naples. I am a proud Canadian and Italian. I am so protective of my Southern Italian roots that I forced Apple to pull an iPhone national TV ad because they used a discriminatory word against us Southerners. However, I am ashamed of the repugnant city of my birth. It does not belong in Italy: It belongs in hell. Actually... it is hell.

Unlike Mr. Obama, I can show you my birth certificate... and it shows that I was born in Naples, Italy. I was raised a block from the central train station. You just can't get more Neapolitan than me. So I can certainly make this statement in full honesty and with absolutely no fear of being called a discriminatory racist:

The best thing that could happen to Naples: An asteroid strike.

99% of all Neapolitans are criminal scumbags who will roll you for your shoes. They are the vilest, lowest dreck on the face of the planet and to call them beasts insults beasts. The city they inhabit should be fenced in and the world should wait until they eat each other before it is considered safe to enter it in order to carry out the greatest HazMat cleanup in history.

If you think that I'm not dead (and I mean dead) serious about this, I'll repeat it in Italian for my paisanos:

99% di tutti i Napoletani sono criminali che vi ammazzano per rubarvi le scarpe. Sono la melma piu fetida sulla Terra, e chiamarli belve insulta le belve. La citta dovrebbe essere sigillata ed il mondo dovrebbe aspettare finche tutti i Napoletani si mangiano uno con l'altro come i cannibali, prima di rientrare per eseguire il progetto di pulizia ambientale piu enorme nella storia del mondo.

I do not wish death upon anyone. Neapolitans should be allowed to live, as long as they submitted to extraCampanian brain transplants.

In my Settling It Forever: Where Is The World's Best Pizza Hub, Francesco commented:

If you can back off with the constant insults at Naples it would be greatly appreciated. Me, I live in America but am a Neapolitan at heart. I even would rather live in Naples then in Miami, or Los Angeles (which I have visited and now live in). I know that Naples might not look good in some places and I admit it is a garbage dump but to many of us we call it home. I smile at all the people screaming insults at each other in thick dialect and this might sound crazy but the smell of Naples is actually good if you get used to it. The ocean air mixed with the smell of garbage and ceramics is pretty refreshing.

Ah, that reinvigorating salt air mixed with rotting trash. Truly a tourist's delight. Why not pass over a week in Tahiti, the Maldives, or maybe in Barbados to go inhale the stench of garbage that's set alight since it can't be collected anyway?

Naples is a city with only two buildings that should be salvaged: Da Michele and Pellone's Pizzerias. The rest should be razed to the ground and lime spread over the rubble a la Carthage. There is nothing else to save in Naples. From the soil itself all the way up to its inhabitants, every aspect of Naples has been corrupted and polluted beyond redemption.

There is no city on Earth which exceeds Naples in (alphabetical order):

  • Anarchy
  • Corruption
  • Crime
  • Danger
  • Debauchery
  • Depravity
  • Fear
  • Filth
  • Gangsterism
  • Garbage
  • Griminess
  • Grubbiness
  • Hooliganism
  • Madness
  • Nastiness
  • Racketeering
  • Rats
  • Raunchiness
  • Scum
  • Slime
  • Smut
  • Squalidness
  • Vulgarity
  • Wretchedness

Listen to a man who was born and raised in Naples: Stay safe and never visit Naples. Never. If you visit Italy steer around the entire province of Campania. Do not go near Naples. Not now, not ever... or at least until the asteroid finally strikes it.

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Comments 21 comments

hafeezrm profile image

hafeezrm 6 years ago from Pakistan

I agree with you. I have not been to Naples but to Milan. Whiling boarding the metro, some caught my leg practically throwing half inside the compartment and half out. In the process my passport, credit cards and ticket fell out. There were certainly two persons who grabbing my leg. Eventually, they left me but took a purse which was in the pocket of my pant. A small loss. Thank God, my passport, ticket and credit cards remain safe. From then on, I remained shit scared and that took all the fun for walking in two other nice and safe cities, Rome and Venice.

Thanks for sharing.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 6 years ago from Toronto Author

My dear sir. You're lucky. Milan really IS Disneyland next to Naples. If that had occurred in Naples, they would have just cut your leg clean off. Just to watch you bleed, because it's the way they get their lolz. :(


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 6 years ago from Kyle, Scotland

Your giving a new meaning to the old saying - see Naples and die.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 6 years ago from Toronto Author

Hi Para! Oh yeah. I already wrote another I LOVE NAPLES Hub with that title!

http://hubpages.com/food/See-Naples-And-Die


Nick B profile image

Nick B 6 years ago from Normandy, France

Um, I didn't think it was that bad. True we went to work down a two-lane road and returned with drivers in both directions creating lanes if one didn't exist as guys on motor scooters bounced gently off the front of our car.

I saw a bloke in a car being 'serviced' by his girlfriend and how he managed to keep the car going in a straight line remains to this day, a complete mystery.

There were the whores on the way out of Caserta Sud towards the Sagit ice cream factory, where I had to smoke outside in front of a sixty-foot mosaic of a Cornetto and never got to see a real one.

I sampled my first real Italian pizza whilst there and fervently wished I'd chosen something - anything else as it was probably the most disgusting thing I have ever tasted in my entire life.

Oops, I take it back. Perhaps it IS that bad after all.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 6 years ago from Toronto Author

Dude, if you don't even like the pizza, there is no reason to head south of Formia! :)


jayb23 profile image

jayb23 6 years ago from India

Thanks for that info HL, its a must read for anybody who is travelling to Italy. Keep up the good work.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 6 years ago from Toronto Author

Thanks, and remember to stay away from Napoli! :)


quicksand profile image

quicksand 6 years ago

If you remember Dean Martin like I do, you should remember the song "Write to me from Naples, write to me everyday, I love you and Naples ... "

Probably we've come a long way from there? :)


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 6 years ago from Toronto Author

Dean also sang:

"Back in old Napoli, that's amore!"

Now it's more like certain death! :)


quicksand profile image

quicksand 6 years ago

Your suggestion is brilliant. Let them all fight amongst themselves and keep reducing in number. Finally there will be only one left. Then he will start a travel bureau and start promoting Naploi. Then ... I guess it would be safe to go there, right? :)

Well Dean Martin did promote Rome though. He sang "Come bella cella luna

brille strette

strette come tutta bella passeggiare

Sotto cielo di Roma"

Hope I got the spellings right! :)


Mr. Jack 6 years ago

As far as I know, Italy is a safe country and clean too, even Napoli too.


Rich 6 years ago

Wow. Soooooo you have a gun to your head and are forced to make a choice between Naples and, saaay... Mogadishu. Which is a better place to summer? I almost want to visit (with a hand gun in my pants)just to check it out for myself.


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 6 years ago from Toronto Author

quicksand. Not bad on the spelling! :) Even if all the Neapolitans made braciole out of each other, there still remains the point that every single grain of sand and soil within a 50 km radius is poisoned by pollutants illegally dumped by the Camorra. HazMat might have to nuke it to clean it up! :)

Mr. Jack. So you don't know. Actually you don't know JACK! :)

Rich. Mogadishu. No question.


quicksand profile image

quicksand 6 years ago

But I have to go! My ticket is non-refundable, non-endorsable, and non-re-routable. It also says for name changes refer issuing station, and the issuing station is Napoli! Please help! :)


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 6 years ago from Toronto Author

No problem there at all. Here's the solution. Just go down to the swamp, fill up a bucket with quicksand, and send it to Napoli. That way, with any luck at all, the station master will lean over to see what it is, and fall in, never to be seen again. 1 Neapolitan down, 3 million to go! :)


quicksand profile image

quicksand 6 years ago

Tante grazie, Signor!

- sabbiamobile


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 6 years ago from Toronto Author

Sabbiamobile! Sei Grande! :)


zwh 6 years ago

i was in Napoli in January, also in Pompei...

everything was ok!

The only ugly thing in Napoli was the rubbish, dirty town near to train station!

But the center of the town was clear!


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 6 years ago from Toronto Author

Clear of what? I was there in March and it was a toxic waste site!


Martin 6 years ago

Stay clear from the whole of Campania? Harsh advice and makes me wonder whether the author has actually visited much of the region. I am writing from Campania, specifically the delightful town of Sorrento (south of Naples) and I feel completely safe. The Sorrentine peninsular has some of the most charming towns in Europe, for instance Amalfi and Positano. I have been coming to Campania over the last 20 years and I have always avoided Naples itself (although have ventured into Ercolano) but that isn't a problem. You get off at the airport and simply get one of the private & safe bus lines (ie Curreri) from there to somewhere else without even having to go into the city.

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