Visiting the USA

All my friends here on Hubpages know that I have been away for a number of days, but not all know that I have been on holiday to the USA. That’s right! I have made so many friends here on Hubpages, a lot of them being from the US, that the invitations to visit them in their various States came in so consistently and so insistently that I could not resist and I finally agreed to take the long flight there. Since I had invitations form several States, planning the trip was the most difficult part from the point of view of the internal flights, but the effort was well worth it. What an experience that was!

I have never met nicer people than the Americans in my life. I stepped off the airplane wearing the white flower of a blameless life and complete strangers treated me like a long lost brother. People at the airport would smile and want to chat, appearing apologetic that they had to rash off in order not to miss their flight.

In New York restaurant owners seemed to place bets between themselves as to who would be able to stuff me with more food than the other and my hosts there could not do enough for me.

At Niagara Falls I was nearly forced to marry a municipality employee when the Mayor realized I was there without a love interest and he felt bad for me, until my HubPages friend from that area stepped in and explained that I was just an innocent bystander, an ignorant foreigner and a tourist, being given the tour. The Mayor could not apologize enough for his error and insisted on taking us all to lunch on a boat where we had to wear polyethylene overcoats to avoid getting wet by the spray.

In California they appeared to want to give me the city and insisted that my absence from it will spell irretrievable ruin for one and all. When I finally managed to tear myself away, the sunshine appeared to go out of their lives and I could hear the wailing of the natives all the way to the aircraft. I thought of calling on my friend Shadesbreath while there, but time did not permit.

In Texas they gave me to understand that I stood between their happiness and black depression and they just could not do enough for me. In fact when I left they lowered their flags to half mast. Does anyone know why Texans fly the Panamanian flag outside every home and business in Texas? I was too shy to ask.

In Appalachia, I met my friend Pam Robertson’s hillbilly relatives and I can tell you that chicken and possum gizzards with pigs feet in aspic do not deserve the unsound reputation they currently appear to enjoy. They were, in fact, delicious after a couple of pints of their excellent home made moonshine, when one simply exists on an altogether different plane. Pam’s relatives could not have been kinder and only the thought of my departure appeared to irritate him unspeakably.

In Georgia their hospitality and their generous natures justifiably are a byword and as there are no degrees in perfection, what else can I say? My only regret is that I did not have time to visit my friend Habee there as well, but I shall rectify the omission next time.

In Seattle they claimed that I brought the sunshine into their lives and l had I stayed longer, I suspect that they would have all named me beneficiary of their life insurance policies.

In Florida they gave me to understand that their lives would be ruined if I left. I planned to spend just two days there and I ended up spending a week because everyone wanted to invite me to a barbecue. Especially in a town called Gainesville, my HubPages friend there took me to church on the Sunday and there I met the nicest people you could imagine. After the service they always have a barbecue at the back of the church and their nice preacher, the Rev Terry Jones his name was, insisted that I do the honors by lighting the charcoal myself. He handed me a book written in Arabic whose pages I was supposed to use as a starter for the fire, but I was too shy and said so.

I did not know that such hospitable people existed on this earth. Every single member of that church took turns to invite me to their house for barbecue and every single one of them impressed me by their strong ecological ethic – they all used pages from the very same book to light the charcoal, so as not to waste paper. They were so caring of my well being that everywhere I went afterwards I was followed by athletic young men and women in business suits keeping an eye on me from afar and I am sure that they were from the same church, only they were too considerate to impose themselves on me and just kept their distance out of shyness.

I am sure that I must have made some bloomers as a foreigner who did not know local customs, but no one took offence and I could not have hoped for better treatment. I might have been everyone’s long lost octogenarian millionaire uncle who had no offspring. Generally they seemed to consider me to be a pretty sound egg. All except my friend DRBJ who did not want to see me….

And when it was time for me to leave, I was accompanied to the aircraft by two NYPD detectives, which must surely be the crowning compliment a World Superpower can bestow on a poor peasant form Cyprus? What do YOU think?

Dimitris Mita

De Greek