Ten Reasons Why Dogs are Better than People or Things
Dogs are Best
Dogs are far superior to humans and many objects. This article is a short summary of some of the many reasons why this is true.
1. Dogs make better pillows than actual pillows
One dog is equal, in width, to one and a half traditional pillows. That is the exact amount of support your head and neck need for a peaceful night’s sleep. Add in some soft, comforting shagginess and rhythmic breathing/heartbeat, and my God! You have the perfect pillow.
The only downside is that sometimes your “pillow” will get up and walk away, or ask to be let outside so it can relieve itself. A traditional pillow can be substituted in a pinch, but is not recommended for long-term use.
2. Dogs love you no matter what, even if you are a serial killer
Although I don’t encourage you to kill more than one person, you can rest assured that, if you do, your dog would still love you.
3. Dogs let you touch them
Unlike moose, hippos, and velociraptors, dogs love to be rubbed and snuggled with. Dogs enjoy affection, and make you feel all warm and gooey inside
4. Dogs never lie
If you look like crap, your dog will tell you. At the very least, he won’t say “oh, you look wonderful,” even though you are wearing a leopard-print muumuu and a green feather boa to your only daughter’s wedding.
5. Dogs don’t ask you to buy them stuff
Dogs don’t ask for much more than food and a warm place to sleep. Dogs will never ask you for an IPhone, a Nintendo Wii, or a college education.
6. Dogs will lick your face for free
This should not be overlooked. Dogs are probably nature’s second most giving creatures, after horses. Why horses do not complain about people sitting on them all the time, asking to be carried all over the place, I will never know. Unlike horses, dogs will not let you ride them, but they will lick your face and love you unconditionally. If a horse and a dog had a baby, it would be the best pet ever.
7. Dogs will never ask to borrow your stuff and then not return it
Dogs don’t even want your stuff, except maybe to chew on or tear into little, tiny pieces.
8. A dog will never say “I hate this show. Can we watch something else?”
Unlike some people I’ve met, dogs love to watch whatever you’re watching. You like “Dancing with the Stars?” What a coincidence, your dog loves that show, too! Dogs will never ask you to watch the Home and Garden Channel or “Judge Joe Brown.”
9. Dogs don’t tell long, boring stories about nothing at all
Dogs hardly ever tell stories. Most dog stories go like this: “Bark, bark!” No wasted words. Now you have more time to spend doing valuable activities, such as dumpster diving and/or collecting stool samples.
10. Dogs look really funny in people's clothing
Everyone knows this already, but it’s worth repeating: Dogs + people’s clothing = instant entertainment.
Even though dogs are much better than you, anyone you know, or anything you have (besides other dogs), there is no need to be jealous. Although you will never be as great as a dog, you can still spend time with them and try to learn their ways. Dogs are humble, but they are willing to teach if you pay attention.
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