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10 Insane Ways People Are Humanizing Pets

Updated on March 21, 2018
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Vivian observes life and culture and offers truthful insights to introduce balance and normalcy to the crazed sectors of society.

Dogs have been affectionately referred to as man’s best friend for ages, but Western culture has catapulted their love of the canine to unnatural extremes. Anthropomorphism, or the practice of attributing human characteristics to animals, is on an alarming rise. No one can fault a single person or widow for warding off loneliness through the comfort of pet ownership. Parents teach kids responsibility through feeding, watering, and caring for a pet. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with pet ownership; however, a line has been crossed in our society where animals are awarded equal status and more value than human life, and that is wrong. People who fight for the right to abort unborn babies are some of the same people who froth at the mouth when unwanted puppies are drowned in a creek and demand legal repercussions. Are you humanizing your pet, or are you still in your right mind?

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1. Cooking for Your Pet

While it’s a good idea to feed your pet nutritious dog food designed with dog anatomy in mind, it’s bizarre to cook special meals specifically for your pet. Many cooking magazines now feature a section on dog treat preparation with a picture showcasing a subscriber’s pooch pal. Rachael Ray has capitalized on pet owner gullibility by crafting her own line of Nutrish dog food with real meat and wholesome veggies plus added vitamins and minerals. You know—because you’re sometimes too busy to cook for your mutt and need to rely on an expert. What’s next? A special after dinner mint for butt breath?

2. Referring to Your Pet in Human Terms

The most obnoxious phrase people use today is fur babies. Instead of being pet owners, the liberal whackos of society have determined pet parents is a more politically correct term because animals are triggered by the original term. Pet parents proudly display their status with paw print bumper stickers and bombard their Facebook feeds with pictures of their fur kids. People are abandoning traditional pet names like Fido, Spot, Buster, and Scruffy and replacing them with more human monikers like Lily, Molly, Jack, and Charlie.


Facebook users post ticklers like Our family is growing again! to procure a barrage of congratulations on the new baby, only to learn the new baby is merely a dog. Big whoop. A human baby is a miracle to celebrate, not acquiring a pet. Other social media users talk about their niece—what she’s watching on TV, what toy she is currently playing with, what fun she had out on the boat—only for readers to later realize the niece is really a dog. Stop doing this.

3. Socializing Your Dog

Someone concocted the idea to create parks specifically designed for pet socialization, apparently to make them productive members of society. Maybe being a team player is something your dog wants to list on his resume.

Parks were created for humans. People walk, jog, bike, play sports, and enjoy watching their kids play in parks. Families interact with each other over a summer picnic in the great outdoors. Parks are about exercise, fresh air, green space, room to move, and connecting with people. Your dog is not your pretend child who needs to hijack the metro park system.

4. Using Essential Oils on Your Pet

Essential Oils is the latest phenomenon sweeping the organic, holistically-minded crowd. While many people swear by their usefulness, there is no doubt they are pricey! Depending on how addicted you are to essential oils, you can easily overextend your budget. Despite their steep prices, people actually invest in essential oil for their dogs. Pet parents worry about their dog feeling stressed and anxious while they are at work. Other dog owners use these lavish oils on pets to create a calm environment within home. Here’s a thought—get rid of the dog. No more need for essential oils, and more money for vacation. Maybe even a new car.

5. Patronizing Mega Pet Stores

Since mega pet stores, like Petco and PetSmart, are popping up on every corner, it is obvious a large clientele is keeping them in business. Pet stores are a multibillion dollar industry, which is why they have a vested interest in advancing the psychosis of pet owners to do more for their fur babies. Mega pet stores play upon the delusion that animals are real people who need to be treated like your very own child. That’s why you see pets and owners in matching coats and dogs wearing special goggles at the beach called doggles. While third world countries can’t even access adequate food, shelter, and medical care, our Western world caters more to pampered pooches than the starving and homeless. It is repugnant.

6. Sleeping on Your Furniture and in Your Bed

If you haven’t noticed, animals lick themselves, attract fleas, eat hair balls, lap up their own vomit, and shed. They don’t wear shoes and drag into your home whatever they have picked up on their paws while doing their business outside. They have not evolved enough to practice good hygiene. Yet, in a pet owner’s fantasy, they are still humans who are privy to all areas of a home, including the couches and beds where the rest of the family sits and sleeps. Let that sink in. Gross.

7. Taking Them to Special Community Pet Events

This one is the doozy. Since there is such a demand for pet and owner events in communities, recreation centers are catering to and fueling the insane notion that dogs are people too. Check out a handful of these events:

For the Love of Dog Day

April 29 is National Pet Parent Day (if you already know this, please schedule a psychiatric evaluation immediately). At this event, you get to celebrate your furry friend, the dog. You will meet fellow human dog lovers, play dog-themed games, make a toy for your dog, and take home a doggy bag of treats.

Paint Your Pooch

An art centre sponsors this event where you bring a picture of your pet, and they help you create a masterpiece worthy of your pet.

Dog Days of Summer

After the pools close to the public following Labor Day, some communities host an event where pet owners bring their canines to swim in the pool before it is drained and cleaned.

Wag-o-Ween

Children aren’t the only ones dressing up for Halloween. This event encourages you to disguise your pet in a costume and let him trick-or-treat around the recreation center, where he can score dog treats.

8. Arranging Pet Funeral Services

Funeral homes figure if people are going to be throwing money out the window, they may as well seize an opportunity. A wide variety of service options are available. With pet cremation, some funeral homes boast your pet won’t even leave town for processing or be kept on ice. Cremation packages include items like Rover’s paw print on a certificate, paw pendant, keepsake blanket, engraved photo frame, or pet plaque. If any money remains in your wallet, you can also buy a headstone. One Facebook poster commended the local funeral home who cremated her pet saying, “They answered all of my questions.” What questions could you possibly have? A dog does not possess a soul, so its salvation is not in question. A dog lives as long as its breed allows and dies. Bury him in the backyard and place a rock over the site—end of story. Hundreds of dollars are saved, and a new puppy will undoubtedly be brought home the following week. Animals are replaceable—humans are not.

9. Providing a Pet Spa Experience

If you own a pet, you should take care of it. That means bathing and vaccinating in addition to providing food, shelter, and attention. Pets today, however, are pampered pooches. Pet Spas provide luxury grooming, daycare, and boarding. Instead of washing your pet in a galvanized tub outside, you can pay for de-shedding, dental hygiene, deep coat conditioning, and blueberry facials. Rather than bother your neighbor or relative to stop by the house while you are at work to let Fido outside to run and poop, a Pet Spa offers entertainment and playtime while you are away. Playtime might include a group or individual activity, cuddle time, and swim time. In addition to meals, you can purchase special gourmet treats and have a report card and picture e-mailed to you so you can see how your pet kid is faring. If you have gone to this extreme for your pet, why not look into adopting or fostering a human being—a real person who might make a difference in the world if given such focused attention.

10. Overly Concerned About Pet Rescue

It’s okay to help reunite pet owners with lost pets. It’s the right thing to do. If you are considering pet ownership, it’s also a great idea to visit a dog pound. Again, this is another area where pet activists have gone too far. Daily social media posts to showcase the latest animal in need of rescue is absurd. As part of the Freemason’s sect for women, the Eastern Star, one woman organized the entire year around a dog theme, including pet rescues. Of all the worthy causes in the world on which to focus, this would be at the bottom of the list. Dog lovers erroneously think saving a dog from the pound is right up there with feeding a starving child for a year, rescuing a teen from human trafficking, adopting an orphan, serving in the military, or pulling someone from a burning building. It’s not. You are not a hero.

Why Is This Happening?

If you are a pet owner and your jaw just dropped because you had no idea people had crossed the line by awarding human status to animals, you are a normal person. If you were excited to learn about essential oils or community events offered for pets, then you have plunged into the depths of insanity and need a reality check, maybe even Prozac.

When God created the world, he gave mankind dominion over the animal kingdom (Genesis 1:26). Animals were not given equal standing. It’s ironic that dog spelled backward is god because our culture is certainly elevating their status. Why is this? Normal pet owners simply enjoy animals. They like having the company at home, or they have caved to their kids’ demands for a family pet. Normal pet owners may have a dog simply for the sake of protection—to bark at strange noises to alert them of potential intruders. Service dogs for the handicapped and K-9 police units are also well-trained and beneficial for noble deeds. Avid hunters like dogs for tracking game. All of this is okay.

Much of the over-zealous pet love is a result of an escalation of narcissism in our society. This form of self-love, coupled with an indifference towards others, inhibits people’s ability to show empathy and compassion. Rather than feel guilty over not caring about the well-being of others, people opt for a pet they can lavish with love and affection. Taking an interest in their pseudo human makes them feel less self-centered. It’s a sham. Just because you dote on your dog does not make you a caring person. A dog doesn’t give you sass, steal your thunder at work, cheat on you, or hurt your feelings. The integrity and character you must possess to enjoy healthy, cooperative, and sincere relationships with others is markedly absent between a pet and its owner. While your dog might display positive conditioned responses towards you, it is devoid of a soul, reasoning skills, and the ability to enjoy a two-way, human relationship. It’s easy to be kind to an animal because your heart isn’t at risk for being offended, upset, or emotionally wounded. Having a pet requires very little on your part. It doesn’t demand the sacrifice, hard work, and tears that go into actual parenting. If your dog feels like your best friend or child, you have shortchanged your humanity. You have severed your emotional switch that fuels positive, interactive relationships with real people. You are overly self-involved, cold, distant, and shallow.

What’s the next step for our society? Marrying your dog? Worshipping ceramic dog statues? Before we devolve into such idolatry, let’s shake the blinders off our eyes and see our furry friends for what they are—mere dogs.

© 2018 Vivian Coblentz

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    • threekeys profile image

      Threekeys 3 months ago from Australia

      Anyone that comes into my circle of love, care and trust is my family and I am very protective. That includes pets. That includes dogs.

      Dogs think and feel and have a hearing and 6th sense beyond our capacity.

      I dont believe in humiliating a dog by dressing it up or even over grooming the dog for those star struck pet show owners. Dogs are dogs but I do talk to my pets and they understand in their own way.

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