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Confessions Of A Cat Rescuer #6 - What The CAT-SCAN Revealed

Updated on July 28, 2011

I Confess: When it comes to medical tests, I'm a big baby. Most of all, I hate needles. It's not the pain I mind, it's the fact that there is some foreign metal object being forced into my body. I hate needles so much that I don't even give my cats their injections, even though it would save me some money to do it myself.

I think my real issue with needles is the invasion of my body. I don't like for anything to take a look inside of me. I am a very private person and would like to keep it that way. That is why I avoided going to the doctors for so long.

But all that changed on September 30, 2010 when I was diagnosed with Chronic Leukemia. The diagnosis came after several invasive tests which involved giving a lot of blood, undergoing a bone-marrow biopsy, and of course taking a CAT-Scan.

For those of you who have never had the pleasure of having a CAT-Scan done, the procedure is relatively painless. Going through the machine itself is not so bad, unless you are claustrophobic. The worst part about the whole procedure is that you have to drink this horrible barium concoction so the machine can photograph your inner workings. You also have an IV line ran into your arm which contains a contrast dye. This dye enables the machine to make remarkable images of your internal organs. The images are so clear that a doctor can spot a growth or abnormality as tiny as 2mm in size.

My first CAT-Scan revealed both good news and bad news. The bad news was that my organs were being severely affected by the leukemia and chemotherapy needed to start right away. The good news was that the scans clearly showed that my brain was still inside my head, thus enabling me to prove to my wife that I had not lost my mind after all.

The one sure thing about having a CAT-Scan done is that, somewhere in the future, you will have to do another one. This allows the doctors to compare a patient’s current condition to the conditions noted in the first scans. After six months of chemotherapy and a three-month breather, it was time for my follow-up scans to be done.

This time however, my scans revealed some really strange things. It’s so remarkable, I’ll let the report speak for itself:


Preliminary Report*** ***Preliminary Report***
Upon Review by the reading physician, the final report will be issued.

Upon comparison with CAT-Scan of Sept. 2010, there has been a marked improvement in patient’s physical condition. Vital Organs have nearly returned to normal size and tumor areas have either not grown or have disappeared altogether. No significant problems in the lungs, glands, spleen or intestinal areas. However, there are some new conditions in the current scan that were not visible on the previous scan.

After consultation with several specialists, we have concluded that these conditions were most likely present in Sept 2010, but the scan done at that time was not sensitive enough to pick up these conditions. Most likely, either the barium drink or the contrast dye was defective and thus did not allow for the resolution needed to see these conditions. Additional studies of these conditions have concluded that, while not life-threatening, they should be considered in determining the content of further patient consultation and ongoing treatment plans.

A summary of these conditions are as follows:

Cats On The Brain - The latest scans revealed that this patient thinks about cats night and day. This could cause the patient to lose focus on his treatment. Physician is urged to get patient’s wife to keep an eye on him and make sure patient follows treatment plan. Nagging is optional, but if necessary, then do so.

Cats Coming Out of Ears - This condition is caused by having too many cats and not enough homes to adopt them into. Physician is advised to counsel patient on continuing to look for good adoption homes and to stop intake until further advised.

Feline-Induced Broken Heart - Patient has a deep love of cats. However, this love has led to a broken heart due to the stresses of rescue work, the lack of understanding by family and friends, and the tragic needless killing of millions cats in animal shelters every year. The only cure for this broken heart is to stop the killing of cats in animal shelters, and the patient is working on this as his condition permits.

Cats In The Blood - This condition is incurable. The patient will always be a cat-lover. Moderation is the only key to managing this condition.

Cats Stirring Up Butterflies In Stomach - The scans noted that the patient has bouts of cat-induced stress that stir up concerns about ability to care for cats, including providing financial, medical, and emotional support, helping with housework, and keeping cats physically healthy. This condition can be abated by finding supporters who will help share the financial burden until cats can be adopted out, but finding such supporters is very difficult and make take a lot of time. Until then, physician is urged to advise patient to stay calm, pray, have times of relaxation, and hope for the best.

Cats Getting On Last Nerve - This condition causes bouts of frustration that result in patient speaking in unknown tongues, rants and tirades. There are far too many triggers for this condition to list, but among them are cats who refuse to take their medicine, cats who run sneak attacks on bare legs and sock feet, cats who think it’s funny to trip up patient, cats who refuse to get off the computer keyboard, thus sending unfinished messages filled with gibberish to FaceBook, and cats who wake patient up in the middle of the night just to ask, “How are you?” As long as patient has cats, this condition will persist. Physician may wish to advise patient to have “cat-free” times, to reduce and limit the number of cats, and to remember that Cats are Love in fur coats.

Cats Woven Into The Soul - Regardless of the drawbacks listed above, this patient has a deep bond with his feline friends that helps the patient to live another day. It should be noted that only two other bonds are stronger: the bond to his wife and to his God. However, interwoven into these bonds are tiny paw prints. It is the cats to which this patient is called by his God to help, and through the cats his fellow humans. It is the cats that provide a mutual ministry that is shared by the patient and his wife. These bonds provide benefits that help soften the adverse aspects of the patient’s condition and may indeed help lengthen the patient’s life expectancy.

As a final recommendation, the physician is urged to incorporate these conditions into the patient’s ongoing treatment plan, recognizing both the potential benefits and possible adverse reactions of living with cats while having cancer. The physician is also urged to study the effects of cats upon the patient’s quality and quantity of life, as it may be possible to finally prove the benefits of cats on patients with serious illnesses, as well as provide further proof that cats do indeed bring love, joy, and health to their humans.

End Of Report

Well, what else can I say? It just makes sense that a CAT-Scan would show a love of cats in a cat rescuer. Perhaps this small peek into my inner-workings will help you all to understand the powerful impact that cats can have on the human condition. I for one am glad that my love of cats is terminal - I will love them till the day I die!

May all your CAT-Scans reveal your love of cats!

Paw-Paw John


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