For Teddy

One thought of you still brings me to tears

I still feel as strong as the day you left here

Time, they said, it takes time to move on

But what is time to a soul that has nothing to heal?

My heart was shattered when you died,

The next days I was a boat lost on the river of life

Each face was a current pulling me along

Each event was a rock forcing me to stop and cry.

But don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t bring you back

I know the years we spent together were enough

I miss you each and every day that runs past

But I don’t dwell in sorrow or regrets, that wasn’t us

We took advantage of the freedom we had

Shared adventures, and wandered this country together

Two who knew what it meant to be strangers

Forging our bond through all kinds of weather

We loved the spring, when the land came alive

We’d come out of hiding and see what was new for the year

We loved to visit our friends and our family

You’d lie in the sun while I’d write stories or read

For eleven years we were inseparable

We drove across the country twice

When you couldn’t live with me, you stayed with mom and dad

I’d visit you on weekends, but you loved it there too.

My faithful companion, you stood by me every moment when I was sick

For the whole year and a half, you stood by me every moment

And never even gave me a hint that you were even worse off than me.

You moved to Mom and Dad’s with me when I had my surgery, till I could walk again, through my therapy

Slept outside my door or by my bed every night

When you could no longer make it up the stairs, I knew something was wrong.

That’s when we found out.

It was already way too late, you had days, the only humane thing to do was to not let you suffer anymore; you were in great pain.

I held your head and told you it would be alright.  Mom was there too, she stayed behind you, she couldn’t hold back the tears.

I didn’t shed a tear, I kept my voice light and happy for you and talked about Rainbow Bridge.

Until they said you were gone, then I wept.

I couldn’t leave you.

Somehow I did. Mom helped. We had you cremated and they put you into a beautiful maple box and gave us a paw print.

I never took any of it out of the box it all came in, until tonight. I thought I was strong enough finally.  I’ve always felt your presence around me since you died. I’ve always known that you’ve been protecting me still.

I took out that box, held it to my chest and the tears fell like rain again. I could feel you ever so close. Closer than ever.

I don’t cry because you’re gone ~ I know I feel you here always with me.

I don’t cry because I’m lonely ~ okay, maybe sometimes I really miss your company.

I don’t cry because I wish you were still here ~ not with that pain.

I cry because I am so touched by all you gave me;

I know you absorbed a lot of my pain both emotional and physical when you were around, I know you understood a lot more than you let on, I know how many times you wish you could just speak to me in a clear voice and say, “Erin, you are doing it AGAIN. Stop making the same mistakes all the time!”, I know how you would have sometimes liked to have lived in the same house for more than a year and a half and maybe found some roots but you did love being with me even if it meant being a Gypsy’s Dog. I know you know how much you were loved every day.

I cry because of all the happiness you gave to my life that was a complete gift to me. I will always cherish the memory of you.

For Teddy 1999-2010