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Getting What they Deserved
Getting What they Deserved
When Malady, Claver and Bombastic heard that Radar had achieved the richest harvest ever, they organized an urgent meeting with their friends in Rattails and Magana to discuss plans to come back to Radar to steal more food. Bandana, their lawyer, was also invited to join them.
“From now until our goal is achieved, you will be responsible for arguing the case on the legality of booby traps and landmines in a nation feted with rats,” said Bombastic
“That is easy! Do you know how many stores Johnnie has built now?” asked Bandana.
“Four storehouses and they are all full of food.”
“That is amazing! You said Freddie still owes you a lot of money. Let’s get down to business. Thirty-three percent will do it for my services.”
“Are we talking in terms of kilograms or percentages?”
“You know that I am a generous lawyer.”
“Are you really a lawyer?”
“Of course I am!”
“Did you graduate?”
“In a few months, the results of my criminal law appraisal will be out, but I am not sure about my paper on criminology.”
“Then you should be fired.”
“Comrades, argue your case after the fact. We shall return to Radar at once,” said Malady.
“We are still negotiating our security guarantees,” said Bandana.
“For your information, I have just concluded my phone conversations with the intelligence chiefs of Rattails and Magana and they have agreed to escort us back to Radar.”
“Let’s go and make peace not war,” said Claver.
“You are missing my point! We are not returning to Radar to ask for mercy! We must show our ruthlessness!”
“Why unleash cruelty on your own country?”
“It is time for desperate measures. I don’t know what the future holds in store for us.”
“For the first time, I think I agree with Malady. If Freddie hands over his leadership to his vicious and cruel army general before we invest in our future, we are in this for a very long haul,” said Bombastic.
A few days later, information leaked to Freddie that Malady, Claver and Bombastic had collaborated with their business associates and planned to come back to invade Radar. Freddie then prepared his soldiers for war in case the enemies struck. He instructed his service members to dig tunnels, bunkers, and holes where they would hide to protect themselves from the enemy fire. As the war arrangements were being finalized, Malady, Bombastic and Claver set off with their friends on their journey back to Radar. As soon as they arrived, their collaborators asked them to go and spy on Freddie and his fighters first before they overrun the food storehouses.
“Anything is possible if one steals without stopping. Go and study the situation first to ensure that we are safe before we strike,” said Regain.
“We are not stealing, we are taking what belongs to us,” said Bombastic.
“Then before we make any decisions, we first need to know whether or not we will still be alive after the robbery.”
“I see only two options for our situation: getting killed or being taken captives. That is the legal truth,” said Bandana.
“You are really not interested in our case; you are just interested in money,” said Malady.
“Why do you think that?”
“You have never argued a single case in our favor.”
“Had you put at least ten percent down, I would have given you the news you want to hear.”
“We did not agree in terms of percentages but in terms of kilograms.”
“If you were not capable of honoring our agreement, why did you sign it in the first place?”
“If I remember correctly, Bombastic, Malady and I made it very clear to you that everything was on the table.”
“What do you mean?”
“Grain, cheese, nuts, landmines, flaming bows and arrows, sling shots and much more. Everything was supposed to be quick and swift. Why are we now dragged into the legal battle between kilograms and percentages?”
“Okay, money talks later. Stay here, let me first go and seek the second legal opinion on this matter.”
The learned lawyer tiptoed through a small hole in the west gate that Freddie had created purposely to let the enemies through the fence so they could get trapped. As soon as Bandana went through the gateway, the stinky smell of the rotten nuts and grain swept him off his feet and he fell onto a trap. Within seconds, he was hanging up-side down crying for help. “Ouch! Help! Help! Something has grabbed my leg.”
“You are the most expensive lawyer in town. You got exactly what you deserved,” said Migraine.
“I will reduce the percentage to five percent if you help me out!” said Bandana as he tried unsuccessfully to untie himself.
“It is my first time to see a lawyer lose his case against a freedom fighter,” said Claver.
“Which side are you on? You seem to be criticizing your friends,” said Regain.
“If you cannot beat your enemies, join them!
“You are a traitor. We are out of here,” said Migraine as he walked hurriedly toward the exit.
“Stop being cowards,” said Bombastic as he pulled Migraine by his tail to stop him from running away. “Don’t worry about the lawyer. He is now arguing his case before the supreme traps.”
“Let go of me,” said Migraine as he forcefully slapped Bombastic’s hand off his tail.
“This is strange! Is there anything you guys are not telling us? How can someone argue with traps?” asked Regain.
“Hold on to your questions. Let me go and see if our lawyer has negotiated a favorable deal. I will be right back with your answer,” said Malady.
Malady walked carefully through the south entrance of the storage while his associates waited outside the fence. When he saw the food in front of him, he also went to take a bite first. No sooner had he taken a bite on the cereal bar, than he stepped on the trap causing it to snap and clench his two hind legs. “Ouch! Come on now! I can’t believe I also got caught. Help! Help! I have lost my cereal bar and I was really hungry!” said Malady as he gasped in horror at the sight of the traps around his legs.
Other conspirators became frightened as their friends started getting trapped.
“Why did you bring us here to fall into all these traps?” asked Migraine.
“When you have entered a forest, don’t pay attention to what cracks,” answered Bombastic.
“This is not what brought us here.”
“If you want to become good thieves, it is important that you learn to endure challenging moments.”
“Is there such thing as honest thief or trustworthy traitor? A thief is who he is. A traitor is what he does.”
“We are not thieves. We are honest and successful merchants,” said Regain.
“We are not human beings. We are moles,” said Migraine.
“It does not matter. The bottom line is that I have little faith in both of you.”
“Bombastic, if something bad happens to us, you will be held personally responsible.”
“Well, everything bad has happened to us. And the worst is yet to come.”
“We don’t understand who you are anymore.”
“You have never understood me and you never will. There is nothing much I can do at this time. Do the best you can. Protect yourselves at all times. I will go by the north gateway and see what the lawyer and his client are up to. It is as though they are acting. One is acting the judge; another one the jury; and I hope I will not be the first to be electrocuted!”
And as soon as he entered the gate, Bombastic made a long stride to jump over the noose, but slipped and stepped right into it and got hooded. The loop tightened around his right hind leg and hang him up-side down. He tried to free himself but failed. Then he started begging for help.
“I can’t believe this! Something has also caught my leg. Please help! But I am okay. Do not panic. I am okay!”
“I knew this was going to happen to you because you talk too much. We are out of here,” said Regain as he and his friends headed for the exit.
“Please don’t leave me! I am okay! Wait for me,” said Bombastic while trying to remove the noose from around his legs.
Not wanting to miss the opportunity to kill or capture them, Freddie and his soldiers quickly jumped out of their bunkers, trenches and holes and pursued the enemies until they reached the border of Radar and Magana. Many of them got killed; others got captured; and the majority escaped narrowly with serious sling-shot wounds. After the war had been successfully executed, Freddie instructed Bob to assemble his troops at the scenes where the three traitors had been trapped. When the captives saw Freddie and his army approaching, they started complaining and blaming one another.
“I swear it was not my idea,” said Bandana.
“Stop lying! You were the legal adviser of the robbery that went wrong,” said Bombastic.
“The law is very clear.”
“What does the law say about stealing?”
“Stealing is not bad unless you are caught.”
“Then you have lost your case.”
“You are swinging upside-down and yet you are still as pompous and as bombastic as ever. You never cease to amuse me,” said Claver while sitting on top of the gate eating her cheese.
“How in the world did you manage to avoid getting caught?”
“I know how to maneuver through traps and snares. That is why I am claver and you are pompous and bombastic.”
“I think you are Freddie’s spy.”
“When you are the captain of your army, you should be the last one to get captured.”
“You got no evidence to support your claim,” said Bandana.
“Be quiet, you little apple head. You admitted you never graduated. I am sure you will receive your criminology results behind bars,” said Bombastic.
When Freddie arrived at the scene he instructed Bob to release the burglars and lock them up in the metallic cage he had built specially for them. “Friends, I feel happy knowing that the rebels that have terrorized us for many years have now been apprehended. I would like to thank all of you for the wonderful job you did in capturing them. In a special way, I would like to extend my sincere thanks to Bob for his immense military experience that made our army prevail over the enemies of our state.”
“Lock them up, clamp them down, put them away for the rest of their lives” chanted Pink, Green, Tally, Bogey, Sortie, Slender, Mama and Bravo.
Then Freddie glared with resentment at the three rebels locked up in the cage and asked them: “What do you have to say for yourselves?”
“I think we can work out a new agreement if you let us go,” said Bombastic.
“I can give legal advice on how this can be done.”
“You are supposed to be four, where is Claver?” asked Freddie.
“I am right here! Catch me if you can!” said Claver while still sitting on top of the gate eating her cheese and laughing at her captured friends. She laughed so hard that she became teary eyed, lost her balance, dropped her cheese and fell on the ground. Bob tried to capture her but she swiftly jumped into a tunnel and disappeared.
“She is a sneaky brat!”
“So what is the deal?” asked Malady.
“No deal! Unfortunately, you have squandered every opportunity you had to negotiate with me.”
“I believe we can reach a compromise,” said Bandana.
“You advised the enemy to attack their homeland. This is not only unprofessional, but also a crime, which is punishable by life imprisonment.”
“So, where do we go from here?” asked Bombastic.
“You are going to jail. That will be your residence for the rest of your life.”
After the three burglars had been captured and jailed, Freddie organized a victory party for his subjects. The celebration went on for two days. On the third day, everyone went back to work. That year, Radar achieved the richest harvest than all the previous years combined. As years passed by, the president became sick and frail and handed over his presidency to Bob. Everybody was quite pleased with Bob’s appointment to become the next leader of Radar. Under his stewardship, Radar flourished and became known in the region and beyond as the biggest producer of millet and beer.