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Only Rabbits and Guinea Pigs? Don't Make Me Laugh.

Updated on September 29, 2013

 

But what about Zebras and Bison

And fings wot you find in the Zoo?

Like Hippopotamuses… Hippos!!

And Walrus, and Eland and Gnu

 

 

 

And don’t forget Lions and Tigers

And things that you find in a hutch,

Like very small Rhinoceroses

Or very large Plankton and such.

 

 

Dulce, a resident of Norbur Court Road
Dulce, a resident of Norbur Court Road

 

 

And also remember the Badgers

Some say they can’t get enough,

A Dog down in Norbury Court Road says

She can’t do without “ALPHA DELUXE” stuff

 

 

 

 

There isn’t an animal I know

Who turns up his beak, nose or snout,

When offered the old “ALPHA HERBAL”

They know what good food’s all about!

 

 

So when you go down to the Chip Shop

For a take away cod or a plaice.

Or you wander into Kentucky

Do you see a smile on each face?

More Lesbians to the square foot than in most venues.

Jolly little human chaps lining up to go into  Ye Olde Druid Tea Shoppe, Stonehenge.
Jolly little human chaps lining up to go into Ye Olde Druid Tea Shoppe, Stonehenge.

 

It’s the same down the Taj Mahal, Streatham,

And the Pink Lotus Garden in Penge,

The Turkish Kebab Shop in Chelsea

“Ye Olde Druid Tea Shoppe”, Stonehenge

The Snail - Can you imagine a snail pushing and shoving in a queue?  Of course not.
The Snail - Can you imagine a snail pushing and shoving in a queue? Of course not.

 

For animals aren’t quite like humans

‘Cos your human occasionally nips

Into Takeaway shops in the High Street

For Burgers, or Curries or Chips

Pet Shop - formerly known as, "Animal Crazy"
Pet Shop - formerly known as, "Animal Crazy"


You never see animals queuing

For Junk Food; and it’s not ‘cos they’re lazy

I’ve seen them in well behaved order,

Shopping at “Animal Crazy”.

Little furry, cuddly animals.

Rabbits, and Guinea pigs, and other well behaved animals.
Rabbits, and Guinea pigs, and other well behaved animals.

 

 

So it’s not just your Rabbit, and Guinea,

(Your Guinea Pig, I emphasise),

It’s your Aardvark and Camelopard

(Giraffe, with its head in the skies).

Moose - not a Choc Mousse
Moose - not a Choc Mousse

 

 

 

The Earthworm, the Rat and the Peacock,

The Peahen, the Moose and the Rail,

(But not as you thought a choc mousse, dear)

An Elephant, Amoeba and Snail.

The very rare Norbury Mudhound - a selection of these wonderful animals.
The very rare Norbury Mudhound - a selection of these wonderful animals.

 

The very rare Norbury Mudhound,

And almost the last but not least,

The Bactrian Camel and the Otter.

The less than rare Grey Wildebeest.

 

All love Alpha Herbal Deluxe Feed

Whether Vertebrate, Insect or Other;

The whole of the Animal Kingdom,

Each Animalian Sister and Brother.

Another small, furry, cuddly animal... or maybe not.

Are you are great Animal Lover?

If you are great Animal Lovers, you may be interested in some in-depth articles concerning our little feathered, furred and scaled chums (Yes! I know, I left some out).

These articles may be found at Norbury Mudhounds

Or if, perhaps you are interested in Ecology, there is a most interesting article concerning the life and habitat of several animals. including the Gnu or Wildebeest at Attracting the Opposite Sex

Perhaps your interests in animals are more esoteric. You would appreciate the Poem Ovis Aries, I Love You

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    • oliversmum profile image

      oliversmum 6 years ago from australia

      Twilight Lawns. Hi. Yes I know and thank you for that.

      Oliver sits on my knee a lot while I am on the computer, so he hears a lot of what I am reading,and he did hear part of this one, he actually looks at the photographs, that probably sounds silly, but that is what happens.

      He is having his 2nd birthday today and enjoying all the extra treats and pampering. :):) and one :) from oliver.

    • Twilight Lawns profile image
      Author

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Hi, Oliver's Mum. Thank you for visiting again. I haven't seen you for a while. You are always, ALWAYS welcome, you know. I hope Oliver is well and that he liked the hub too. I know he can't read too well, but you could have read it for him, and he could enjoy it with you.

    • oliversmum profile image

      oliversmum 6 years ago from australia

      Twilight Lawns. Hi. Oh this was pretty wonderful.

      Was not sure if I should laugh or cry, so did both.

      Absolutely loved all the photographs.

      Dulce and the pet shop were great, but the 4 Norbury Mudhounds did it for me.

      Thanks for sharing it with us. I loved it. Voted up. :) :)

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Over forties? Heck, I just BEGAN at 40 -- literally!!! hehehe

    • Twilight Lawns profile image
      Author

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Works wonders for the over forties. I think that's an advertisement for Sanatogen, a Tonic Wine.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      There you go, - with all that sensuous talk again! ;-> hehe

    • Twilight Lawns profile image
      Author

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      I have actually topped buying Sainsbury's muesli and gone over to 'Alpha Deluxe Animal Feed', because it gives me a spring in my step, my eyes are brighter, my coat is glossy, and my nose is cool and moist all day long, since Alpha Deluxe came into my life.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Ah - the computer and/ or its operator set up to receive and monitor incoming mail at "Alpha deluxe" is a dolt, or dolts, as the case may be.

      Or maybe - in the best case scenario - they've just not yet gotten around to answering. In any case, they may be missing an all-time good advertisement. We're all enjoying it, but a lot of us don't even have pets! We simply enjoy good writing and good humor! Maybe they should hire us to receive their incoming mail! haha.

      Hugs.

    • Twilight Lawns profile image
      Author

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Oh Nellie, you would be most welcome in Dog Heaven. But not quite yet. There will be several Norbury Mudhounds there to greet us as we arrive. I'm glad I made you laugh. It was so much fun writing. Would you believe it, I sent a copy of the poem to "Alpha delux" or whoever manufactured the stuff and they didn't even acknowlege it.

      What happened to good taste? I say.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      Laughing like a silly animal beholding the Alpha Herbal Deluxe. I could go for it myself, health-nut that I am! Your poem and illustrations alone could sell the stuff to people who hate healthy food!

      As for myself, so long as I have you to turn up the corners of my mouth, I am in "hog heaven", as some uncouths might say. tee hee.

    • Twilight Lawns profile image
      Author

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Randy, I have spent most of my waking hours since September, 1939, thinking that I should start to be sensible and do what I should (Whatever that may be) but every time I sit down to start to make a nice list of things to do or not to do; people that I should associate with and people I shouldn't; stuff that would be sensible and stuff that wouldn't be sensible, I forget which side of the check list I should be filling in, and go out and play with the haughty boys and girls.

    • Randy Behavior profile image

      Randy Behavior 6 years ago from Near the Ocean

      I was just telling another hubber of my plan to digress. This is my last year of growing up, from this point I'm growing down. When I'm done I should be as wise as children and about negative 3. I have plenty of time... bout 48 years to get it right.

    • Twilight Lawns profile image
      Author

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Damn! I knew I had left one out. Don't tempt me. Thanks for the comments, Randy. I like silly fun. I may as well make the most of silly fun, because I will be a "grown up" soon, and I will have to act properly and be sensible.

    • Randy Behavior profile image

      Randy Behavior 6 years ago from Near the Ocean

      What silly fun! Your poem made me want to watch the old Disney version of Dr. Doolittle. Oh and that's another animal you didn't mention, the "push me pull you."

    • Twilight Lawns profile image
      Author

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Thank you, Shinkicker. I appreciate your visit. Come anytime, you are most welcome.

    • Twilight Lawns profile image
      Author

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Thank you, TKI. We want them to last forever, don't we?

      I love your comment. Top marks.

      Ian

    • Shinkicker profile image

      Shinkicker 6 years ago from Scotland

      Great wee poem Twilight. Thanks for that

      Cheers

    • toknowinfo profile image

      toknowinfo 6 years ago

      Hello Twilight, my hubber friend,

      These are the words I want to send

      Oh why would you think I would ever be cross

      When it comes to poetry, you are the boss

      For sure there were animals you did not include

      But over these omissions, I would never brood

      I am complimented you wrote this with me in mind

      Your animal prose was a treasure to find

      Seeing how animals inspired you this time

      I feel secure in reading many more of your hubs that rhyme

      I know you miss your dogs, and I feel for you

      Unconditional love from our pets are real and true

      It is hard to miss our friends, when they are gone from our sight

      I love that you shared your story in the things that you write

    • Twilight Lawns profile image
      Author

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Thanks for dropping by during your heavy schedule of answering comments on your amazingly funny and well constructed hub to your fellow hubbers. I have just read your hub concerning the construction of the tank. I am still laughing about the English tank for making the tea and scones.

      Thanks, my friend. You are wonderful.

    • attemptedhumour profile image

      attemptedhumour 6 years ago from Australia

      Tongue and cheek would be pretty healthy. I haven't seen it but people queue up in the city for crispy cream (cholesterol special) doughnuts. We, sorry they, are not the smartest of creatures when it comes to the fuel of life. Having the idea for this hub is one thing, but wording it so mischievously is quite another. A nice piece of work Ian.

    • Twilight Lawns profile image
      Author

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      I think I might have to set up a fish and chips stall at the front door of HubPages, I should do a roaring trade.

      Thanks for coming to look around, Sunnie.

      The Gnu, by the way, is one of my favourite animals.,.. they have the worst lives that you can imagine. The Gnu, or Wildebeest's shortened family history can be found on my hub, 'Attracting the opposite sex' below.

      Ian

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 6 years ago

      Very cute! Ian I amnot sure what some of these animals are such as Eland and Gnu? lol..:)

      Thank you for making me smile.

      Sunnie

      PS I could go for some fish and chips too..

    • Twilight Lawns profile image
      Author

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      What is Q, I think you follow the basic philosophy of my best friend. She says, "Love 'em, eat 'em, wear 'em".

      But considering your apparent penchant for buffalo, there is a "Poem" below that might be up your street... 'Ovis Aries, I Love you'. Or am I misreading your signals.

    • What Is Q profile image

      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      That Alpha Herbal Deluxe looks good. Chock-full of vitamins, too. Where can I find this? I need to start eating healthier. I'm not gonna lie, that bison looks pretty good, too, so I'm not sure I could give up red meat and become a vegetarian. I love animals too much not to eat them. Is that a contradiction?

    • Twilight Lawns profile image
      Author

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      TKI, I though of you when I posted this hub

      The Mudhounds, those rare beasts from Norbury

      Yes, from Surry, old Norbury-sur-Mer.

      I had you in mind when I wrote it

      But my friend I have now to declare:

      *******

      It pains me so much to admit it,

      And Please, TKI, don’t be cross;

      To squeeze those chaps’ pics in the line-up

      Meant that others should go. What a loss!

      *******

      So search all you will, there’s no Aardvark.

      There isn’t a Hippo or Mouse.

      The lovely Sea Turtle is missing

      There’s not even a Pheasant of Grouse.

      *******

      The Ostrich and Tortoise are absent,

      There’s no sight of the Red Kangaroo

      I’m afraid there’s no Bat, or Squirrel or Cat

      Or many of those beasts in the Zoo

      *******

      So I’m sorry if I have neglected

      To include every beast you adore,

      But I’m selfish, or did you not know that?

      And the Mudhounds, for me, were Top Drawer.

      *******

      There isn’t a day I don’t miss them

      As arriving at home, how they’d greet me.

      When it’s my time to go, I’d love them all

      To be in Paradise waiting to meet me.

    • toknowinfo profile image

      toknowinfo 6 years ago

      Loved this hub, it gave me quite a toot,

      Glad you mentioned the Norbury Mudhounds to boot!

      Thanks for giving me a good laugh at least,

      You know I love things having to do with animal or beast.

      It is a cute poem for the simple minded and the sages

      Thanks for sharing this on HubPages.

    • Twilight Lawns profile image
      Author

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Svetlana, I am a complete omnivore. Except for some black grapes I bout from a roadside stall in a village in the back of beyond in Piedmont, Italy, one year. They tasted exactly as a beetle we had in West Australia, known as the "stink beetle", smelled. Sorry about the clumsy sentence, but you know what I mean.

      I could almost write a hub about that... well the lead up to etc..

    • Twilight Lawns profile image
      Author

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Ah!" there's a died in the wool... or is it dyed in the wool? Roman catholic speaking, Will.

      The best fish and chips I ever tasted was in The Shambles in the Old City of York. Superb!

    • Twilight Lawns profile image
      Author

      Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

      Thanks for being my first reader, Angie. It was as much fun writing as it was getting your deep and incisive critique... You should be one of the judges for the Booker Prize. Ha ha ha!

    • kallini2010 profile image

      kallini2010 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      Funny. I was thinking about my (former!) manager's dog that had all ailments possible and was allergic to all kinds of feed. His owner decided to try alternative medicine. The first thing that was changed was diet - no bought stuff, only fruits and vegetables, fish, chicken. She thought he would not even touch it, but it turned out to be otherwise. He loved it, he lost weight and some of the skin problems were fixed.

      I know you were having fun, but animals know good food when they see/taste it. It is the humans that make wrong assumptions all the time.

      Coffee - no, don't drink coffee. No, coffee is good in moderation. Wine? No, don't drink wine. No, wine is good in moderation...

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 6 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      It's fish and chips every Friday for Lent!

      Yum!

    • AngRose profile image

      AngRose 6 years ago

      Silly and cute Ian! But now you've made me long for fish and chips...shame on you!