Sam - Thunder still makes a sound
I don’t know why Sam’s aging has suddenly affected me. Maybe it’s because it seems that her different senses and some of her features have changed more unexpectedly. She has dealt with the cataracts for some time and her eyes have slowly become glossy green marbles. But, her sudden sense of confusion/being lost just seemed to happen. There was no gradual change; instead, randomly she just seemed lost. Now, she seems to be losing more fur. She has always shed. With just a pat on her side, you could get fur. But now, besides the normal flow, there are random clumps of her blonde hair, just scattered around the house. They’re not large clumps, about the size of a grape, but very random. There’s also the change in her hearing. For years she was afraid of gunshots, fireworks and thunder, to the point where she’d whimper and often hide in the basement. But now, these noises rarely affect her. Maybe I just didn’t notice the gradual change?
I’ll admit, I’m scared because of the abrupt presence of these changes. I’ve never lost anything that has meant as much to me, as Sam has. Now, I know I shouldn’t focus on the inevitable, but I don’t know how to just accept it and go with it. Especially since I’m seeing the changes now.
Summer is full of thunderstorms and I love them. Sam has always been afraid of them, while Bosley has been indifferent to them. But as Sam’s hearing has deteriorated, so to, has my recognition of her fear. Until yesterday, when there was a major storm, so loud that she was clearly scared because she trembled with each boom. Obviously I don’t like the idea that she’s scared, but for some reason it made me feel good to see that she can still hear. I didn’t think she was completely deaf, but for the most part, yes.
I know I shouldn’t focus on the inevitable, but how do I accept the present circumstances that are just going to get worse? Earlier tonight, she was five feet away from four deer and she was unaware of them. They were aware of her though. It’s just so weird watching her and knowing what once was. She never chased deer, unless told to do so. I don’t even think she smelt them because I didn’t see her nose smelling the air. I’m trying to make the best out of the present, still taking her for walks and occasional drives, just like I had always done, but there’s still something different that I don’t know how to deal with. Maybe I should follow Sam’s example and just go with it and accept it as is. Any suggestions would be appreciated.