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So you want to be a groomer?

Updated on July 23, 2015

Your job looks so fun!

So you think you want to be a Groomer because "it looks fun" "but you get to play with puppies all day!" Why yes, yes we get to play with puppies that owners didn't think it was important to get them groomed until they are a year old! "YES! I get to play with a puppy land shark who screams and tries to bite me because he doesn't understand what going on.

Do you ever get bit or scratched?

Nope! never! who on earth would think an animal would bite! that's just silly! I take no caution when a dog "smiles" at me, he just wants love! don't mind my bleeding arms from your dog who gave me lots of "love" to get his nails trimmed.

of course we get bit quite often actually, we are usually just a tad faster than the dog, you know, groomers instinct! "gotta be faster than that, dude!"

What's that smell?

Oh that smell?! here get a bit closer! I just got done prepping a dog for his bath and he kindly expressed his anal glands all over my smock! I spritzed some baby powder doggy cologne over it to help cover up the smell, now I smell like baby powdered anal gands! my favorite!

Can we just be real?

"Does anyone ever ask silly questions?" uhh every stinkin day!

Me: "thanks for calling THE DOG GROOMER, how can I help you?

Them: "Oh uh, hi is this the groomers?"

Me: "yes sir."

Them: : how much does it cost to get my dog neutered?"

Me: *FACEPALM* "this is a GROOMERY not a VET!"

yes! we get asked some petty dumb questions sometimes!

"hi! do you groom dogs here?" " nope! we Groom old men!"

I cant tell you how many times ive had someone calling for a "vet procedure" I once had someone call and ask how much I would charge to take a fishing hook out of a cats tongue!

Groomer confessions

We dont care who sees us picking our nose at the red light, we're too busy digging that hairy gold out so we can breathe again!

We LOVE gross things! im pretty sure its just in our DNA! oh hayy! a doggy pimple, let me get that for ya! "guys come watch!"

99% of the time when we see an unkept dog walking down the road, we fight the urge to walk up to said owner and let them know about your grooming services, ahh hell! im going over there! hey! whats your doggies name?? ( slips you my business card) Can I groom him?!

We really REALLY like to pull long dog hairs out of our eyes! dont ask questions! it feels AWESOME!

And last of all,we really love what we do! it is a very rewarding job!

5 stars for Did I make you giggle?


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      Kyle 2 years ago

      Haha. I love when you ask what breed the dog is and they reply "its been there before". Oh! Its been here before! I love that breed!

    • profile image

      Vicki 2 years ago

      I love that last comment just yesterday I had someone drop off a dog that hasn't been in sence November and she has been grooming him at home.....and tell my shope owner "she knows what I want. " and walk out the door befor i could come out of the back room.

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      Sara burns 2 years ago

      I love it when people ask what do you charge to groom my dog . I wish I could say hmm I think your dog will cost $100 just because you weren't specific

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      Jan 2 years ago

      All truths!!

    • profile image

      Kellie 2 years ago

      I love this. What a great way to sum up our job... I do love what i do.

    • DrMark1961 profile image

      Dr Mark 2 years ago from The Atlantic Rain Forest, Brazil

      Voted up and funny. I especially laughed at the people who think your job is just playing with puppies--you cannot imagine how often I have heard the same thing!

      "Oh, I want to be a vet too, so that I can play with puppies all day instead of having a real job"

      And of course they never bite, right?