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Speaking up for and Telling the Truth About Pigs
For as Long
as time seemingly, there has been loads upon loads of pig and hog humor. Some may be merited while some may be deserved, but in a pointed, editorial sense, no one bothered to ask (the) hog if what the insult that was said to this boar (or sow) was funny. Makes you think.
The most commonly descriptions that humans use to describe pigs is: filthy; dirty; lousy; no use drawing breath; "Porky," (this one was used to make fun of overweight people) and this slang: "You are so big I am going to start referring to you as 'Henry Hog." These sayings and slurs would hurt if they were used on real, understanding people. But since hogs are only animals, humans can pretty much skate along without any repercussions.
Life does go on from sunrise to sundown. And yet, in the time it takes you to read this sentence, some female hog (e.g. brood sow, agricultural term) somewhere has just given birth to eight suckling piglets making some pork producer somewhere a very happy man--for everyone knows how shaky the National Economy is these days.
The Reader Must
convince themselves when reading a piece such as this one for the reader to literally go into their imagination and try very hard to be the pig in which this piece is written. Not as easy as written. No piece will ever be that fantastic.
But being able to "be" a pig would not solve any mysteries or solve those hidden secrets that The Almighty placed in our earth that He thought that we humans could not understand them. Well, this assumption is not true. Actually there is no pretty way to say this, but being a pig is just that, being a pig. Nothing elaborate. No silk purses from a sow's ear. No Oscar's, Emmy Award's (although Warner Bros.' "Porky Pig" would come darn close), just a pig. Dirty, smelly, no manners whatsoever, just wrestling in whatever mud hole that this pig thought was best. Even with all of the songs "Swing on Star," " . . .or would you rather be a pig?" and even with humble hearted, "Wilbur," of Charlotte's Web, all any pig is ever going to be, (sorry, "Babe") is a pig.
I know of people (at this moment) who will never eat one piece of pork. And not simply because some theological teachers have said it was "unclean," but in later scrolls, the term, "unclean," was interpreted to be "unhealthy." Uh, oh.
I Have Some Good News
and some bad news. But since the text capsule head said "good" news, here are a few good facts and questions concerning pigs.
1.) Can you (or will you) list all of the productive things made possible by a pig? (List may or may not surface later).
2.) Have you ever spent one hour inside a pen where hogs are kept?
3.) If above answer is "no," then how dare you sit as judge, jury, and meat processor without first getting to really know everything possible about a pig?
4.) Which of these animals is smarter, a pig or a horse? Answer: Neither. This argument has raged on for years without any sensible conclusion.
5.) Answer, please, yes or no. When you see question number 2, and admit that you have spent some time in your "Uncle Joe's" or "Grandpappy Zeb's" pig pen, and you did answer, "yes," then please reveal to everyone how you could possibly sit down to a tasty dish of bacon?
Those questions should suffice.
There Will not be
be anymore hard-hitting questions as those above. The people who designed these questions were really a bit tougher than once thought. But to play "Porky's Advocate," I know of a person who actually loves pigs and not on a tasty BLT. The answer will stay secret for there is solid proof that this one person that I spoke of who has a lot of hog-loving friends than this (one) secret friend.
And do individual states in America, allow a man (or woman) to marry a pet (animal) without being arrested and doing jail time?
The answer is: now that the so-called "Defense of Marriage" act has been declared unconstitutional, I've made some maps to show everyone where we stand right now in terms of marriage equality rights — and, of course, the public's right to marry guinea pigs.
This map shows those states (in red) that are said to be lax concerning bestiality laws.
Now, Common Sense, Positive Questions About Hogs
1.) Besides "Arnold," the famous pig seen on CBS' "Green Acres," (starring Eddy Albert and Lisa Gabor) in the last 1960s, have you ever seen another pig of "Arnold's" caliber on CBS or any television since "Green Acres?"
2.) If you are married, and you have one of those heated spats, have you ever entertained the idea of filing for divorce and just finding yourself a loyal, loving pig to share you life?
3.) Have you ever in your years of watching (serious) television (e.g. documentaries; PBS and independently-sponsored stations) viewed a herd of pigs staging a protest "Boycott Against Pork?"
4.) Would you, now please be honest, be willing to go on a two-month cruise with all expenses paid to Jamaica to take a clean, friendly pig as your sailing mate?
You may think that the above are trick questions or maybe loaded with trick answers, but you would be wrong. These questions will expose the real personality who lives inside of you by the answers of these questions.
Pigs, if you haven't already learned, are really intelligent animals and not meant for just human consumption. I would say that if anyone (reading this hub) has ever toured the inside of a pork processing plant, the amount of those visitors who completely stop eating pork would be staggering in number.
And with that being said, there may be one moral to this story. For every one person who swears off pork, there are three pigs who are given the gift of life.
© 2017 Kenneth Avery