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Speaking up for and Telling the Truth About Pigs

Updated on June 26, 2017
kenneth avery profile image

I was born in the south. I live in the south and will die in the south. This is only a small part of the memories I share.

What a cute face.
What a cute face. | Source

For as Long

as time seemingly, there has been loads upon loads of pig and hog humor. Some may be merited while some may be deserved, but in a pointed, editorial sense, no one bothered to ask (the) hog if what the insult that was said to this boar (or sow) was funny. Makes you think.

The most commonly descriptions that humans use to describe pigs is: filthy; dirty; lousy; no use drawing breath; "Porky," (this one was used to make fun of overweight people) and this slang: "You are so big I am going to start referring to you as 'Henry Hog." These sayings and slurs would hurt if they were used on real, understanding people. But since hogs are only animals, humans can pretty much skate along without any repercussions.

Life does go on from sunrise to sundown. And yet, in the time it takes you to read this sentence, some female hog (e.g. brood sow, agricultural term) somewhere has just given birth to eight suckling piglets making some pork producer somewhere a very happy man--for everyone knows how shaky the National Economy is these days.

"Hello. I am really nice."
"Hello. I am really nice." | Source

The Reader Must

convince themselves when reading a piece such as this one for the reader to literally go into their imagination and try very hard to be the pig in which this piece is written. Not as easy as written. No piece will ever be that fantastic.

But being able to "be" a pig would not solve any mysteries or solve those hidden secrets that The Almighty placed in our earth that He thought that we humans could not understand them. Well, this assumption is not true. Actually there is no pretty way to say this, but being a pig is just that, being a pig. Nothing elaborate. No silk purses from a sow's ear. No Oscar's, Emmy Award's (although Warner Bros.' "Porky Pig" would come darn close), just a pig. Dirty, smelly, no manners whatsoever, just wrestling in whatever mud hole that this pig thought was best. Even with all of the songs "Swing on Star," " . . .or would you rather be a pig?" and even with humble hearted, "Wilbur," of Charlotte's Web, all any pig is ever going to be, (sorry, "Babe") is a pig.

I know of people (at this moment) who will never eat one piece of pork. And not simply because some theological teachers have said it was "unclean," but in later scrolls, the term, "unclean," was interpreted to be "unhealthy." Uh, oh.

Scrreenshot from cartoon PD cartoon Porky Pig's feat 1943.
Scrreenshot from cartoon PD cartoon Porky Pig's feat 1943. | Source

I Have Some Good News

and some bad news. But since the text capsule head said "good" news, here are a few good facts and questions concerning pigs.

1.) Can you (or will you) list all of the productive things made possible by a pig? (List may or may not surface later).

2.) Have you ever spent one hour inside a pen where hogs are kept?

3.) If above answer is "no," then how dare you sit as judge, jury, and meat processor without first getting to really know everything possible about a pig?

4.) Which of these animals is smarter, a pig or a horse? Answer: Neither. This argument has raged on for years without any sensible conclusion.

5.) Answer, please, yes or no. When you see question number 2, and admit that you have spent some time in your "Uncle Joe's" or "Grandpappy Zeb's" pig pen, and you did answer, "yes," then please reveal to everyone how you could possibly sit down to a tasty dish of bacon?

Those questions should suffice.

"Nothing like a great lunch."
"Nothing like a great lunch." | Source

There Will not be

be anymore hard-hitting questions as those above. The people who designed these questions were really a bit tougher than once thought. But to play "Porky's Advocate," I know of a person who actually loves pigs and not on a tasty BLT. The answer will stay secret for there is solid proof that this one person that I spoke of who has a lot of hog-loving friends than this (one) secret friend.

And do individual states in America, allow a man (or woman) to marry a pet (animal) without being arrested and doing jail time?

The answer is: now that the so-called "Defense of Marriage" act has been declared unconstitutional, I've made some maps to show everyone where we stand right now in terms of marriage equality rights — and, of course, the public's right to marry guinea pigs.

This map shows those states (in red) that are said to be lax concerning bestiality laws.

Lax or nonexistent bestiality laws are designated by dark color.
Lax or nonexistent bestiality laws are designated by dark color. | Source

Now, Common Sense, Positive Questions About Hogs

1.) Besides "Arnold," the famous pig seen on CBS' "Green Acres," (starring Eddy Albert and Lisa Gabor) in the last 1960s, have you ever seen another pig of "Arnold's" caliber on CBS or any television since "Green Acres?"

2.) If you are married, and you have one of those heated spats, have you ever entertained the idea of filing for divorce and just finding yourself a loyal, loving pig to share you life?

3.) Have you ever in your years of watching (serious) television (e.g. documentaries; PBS and independently-sponsored stations) viewed a herd of pigs staging a protest "Boycott Against Pork?"

4.) Would you, now please be honest, be willing to go on a two-month cruise with all expenses paid to Jamaica to take a clean, friendly pig as your sailing mate?

You may think that the above are trick questions or maybe loaded with trick answers, but you would be wrong. These questions will expose the real personality who lives inside of you by the answers of these questions.

Pigs, if you haven't already learned, are really intelligent animals and not meant for just human consumption. I would say that if anyone (reading this hub) has ever toured the inside of a pork processing plant, the amount of those visitors who completely stop eating pork would be staggering in number.

And with that being said, there may be one moral to this story. For every one person who swears off pork, there are three pigs who are given the gift of life.

"What's that guy from Jimmy Dean Sausage doing here?"
"What's that guy from Jimmy Dean Sausage doing here?" | Source

© 2017 Kenneth Avery

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    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 weeks ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, MizBejabbers,

      Your comments are all very in-depth and interesting. In this comment you left, I felt and saw you with Stinky when you and this cutie bonded and you feed him/her. What a cute scene.

      I have no problem with pet pigs, but the comment with Tamara, (on here), says the only reason why I cannot have a pet pig. Not even a pet horse. City ordinances.

      But no one said that I couldn't have a pet rhino.

      Maybe soon.

      Keep in touch.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 weeks ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      RoadMonkey,

      You make two great points about pigs loving mud as it cools them and you are 100% right and can you name a better place to bond except with a pool of fresh mud? I cannot.

      Matter of fact, I would not be squirm about putting on a mud mask for I hear that certain types of mud can be very cleansing to us humans.

      Maybe pigs are more beneficial to us than a plate of bacon.

      Write soon.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 weeks ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Tamara,

      Pigs, now listen, are cute when they are babies. All things when babies are cute--even anteaters, but when the pig grows he/she eats more and more and then this (eating) becomes a financial liability and so, no pet peg for me.

      Sorry. You do what want on this one. I support you.

      Write soon.

    • kenneth avery profile image
      Author

      Kenneth Avery 5 weeks ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Alan,

      Your "sword of the written word" was used to convince me of the same pig marriage IF our mindless society were to try this awful idea.

      Thank you so much for the thoughts about pigs.

      Write soon.

    • profile image

      Tamara Moore 2 months ago

      I was thinking about getting a pet pig, but now I'm not so sure. I like the pink ones!

    • jonnycomelately profile image

      Alan 2 months ago from Tasmania

      Kenneth, thank you for this brilliantly executed piece of humour in the traditions of Hogworts. (Harry Potter, please forgive me! I hope this little apology will be sufficient to "save my bacon").

      As we all know, the pig in its natural environment, is perfectly adapted to the rigours of survival and therefore not to be insulted or set up for ridicule. We humans can learn a lot from the animal. Indeed, some humans have done just that, "having no manners whatsoever!"

      I would, however, ask that any mention of bestiality when talking of laws appertaining to same-gender marriage, is 100% out of place and far more of an insult than one could ever throw at the pig. Same-gender marriage is concerned with loving relationships, upstanding contributions to community life and individual fulfilment. Perhaps this would be the dream of Mr. or Mrs. Pig if they had equal rights before the dinner table, sorry, I mean before the Law.

    • RoadMonkey profile image

      RoadMonkey 2 months ago

      My grandmother used to keep pigs. When I was doing Biology and the life cycle of pig tapeworm, I said to her that the tapeworm returned to the pig from it eating dead rats but she was most indignant. Her pigs had been clean and did not eat dead rats. I believe pigs like mud in the same way that hippos do, it cleans them and cools them. Think how much some people pay for a mud face mask! Very funny.

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 2 months ago

      My dear friend, Kenneth, I have you know my very first pet I could call my own was a pig, not unlike the pink-skinned piggies in the photos above. We had cats and dogs on the farm, but none was exclusively mine. One cold freezing night about midnight, my dad got me out of bed and said to come help him nurse a newborn pig. The rest of the litter had frozen to death at the sale barn and the owner had given the baby piglet to daddy because he thought she wouldn't make it.

      Long story short. I was 3 years old. Daddy got out one of my old bottles from the kitchen and the piglet and I bonded over a bottle of warm milk. She lived, so daddy said she was mine and I named her Stinky. Every morning I would have mama or grandma fill a bottle of milk and I would run to the chicken coop where she was kept and feed her. I won't go into the rest of the story because I just might write a hub about Stinky.

      I don't know about horses, but pigs are intelligent and as easily trainable as dogs. Years ago, there was an animal museum in Hot Springs that had trained animals, including a pig. So, yes, I might be willing to share my life with a pig...again. Would you, dear friend?