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Wildlife Representatives Achieve Landmark Concessions -- Deer Crossings to be Expanded

Updated on April 24, 2019
Expansions of Deer Crossings Will Be Nationwide
Expansions of Deer Crossings Will Be Nationwide | Source

Regional Office Establishes Nationwide Policy

(The following article is purely fictional. Any names, facts or circumstances are not intended to represent anyone or anything, living or dead. I assume the deer is alive, at least when the picture was taken.)

In a brief announcement the Regional Office for the Administration, Development, and Management of Endangered Animal Life (ROADMEAL) announced an agreement with wildlife representatives regarding an unprecedented expansion of deer crossings nationwide.

Representatives of the wildlife community were characteristically silent about this landmark achievement, and could not be reached for comment. The announcement follows months of negotiations between ROADMEAL and deer officials. At issue are not only the lack of areas designated for deer crossings, but also the inadequate placement of existing deer crossing signs. Deer officials had claimed that misplacement of existing signs abrogated previous agreements and required deer to cross at very dangerous locations.

Expanded Locations

The Obama administration had previously agreed to abide by any decisions coming out of the ROADMEAL negotiations. Over 56,000 additional miles of road will now be included in strict enforcement of the ROADMEAL decisions, and will ensure that all existing deer crossing signs will be placed in much safer locations. In exchange for these concessions, representatives of deer communities in all states except Alaska agreed to allow an increased availability of doe tags during hunting season.

Expanded Deer Crossings a Boon For Obama's Jobs Program

In a rare expression of bi-partisan support, both houses of congress passed resolutions to support an Obama plan for the construction of hundreds of deer crossing walkways, many of which would be either bridges or underpasses on both interstate and local highways. Jake Sportsoffen, director of the nationwide construction program, said "This marks a great day for the nation, especially during these times of unemployment and restricted hunting seasons."

Regional Agency Renamed

Because all deer participating in the expanded crossing program effort must now be registered as livestock, and because ROADMEAL has achieved the objectives of its original charter, their name will be changed from the Regional Office for the Administration, Development and Management of Endangered Animal Life to the Regional Office for the Administration, Development and Knowledge Involving Legal Livestock (ROADKILL).

Summary

Deer nationwide will have greater access to safer road crossings. Obama's expanded national emphasis will address unemployment concerns and will significantly increase the number of doe tags available to seasonal hunters.


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    • lundmusik profile imageAUTHOR

      lundmusik 

      9 years ago from Tucson AZ

      yep,, fiction for sure :)

    • leroy64 profile image

      Brian L. Powell 

      9 years ago from Dallas, Texas (Oak Cliff)

      This is great! A fictional poke at bureaucratic thought process. This is fiction, right?

    • lundmusik profile imageAUTHOR

      lundmusik 

      9 years ago from Tucson AZ

      thanks Homesteadbound!! It took a while, but it was worth it :) You are certainly a prolific writer,, I'm enjoying your hubs also,,

    • homesteadbound profile image

      Cindy Murdoch 

      9 years ago from Texas

      This is great! A true animal lover. When I saw this I thought it was going to be along the same lines as the puppy mills. But this was better than I thought. No sad endings here. How long did it take to come up with words to match -- ROADMEAL and ROADKILL? Thumbs up.

    • Dawn Conklin profile image

      Dawn Conklin 

      9 years ago from New Jersey, USA

      haha! They will probably plan a take over then, we might need to be prepared to take action :)

    • lundmusik profile imageAUTHOR

      lundmusik 

      9 years ago from Tucson AZ

      yep,, thanks dawn,, I think the world of deers should be greatly improved with this nationwide initiative... :)

    • Dawn Conklin profile image

      Dawn Conklin 

      9 years ago from New Jersey, USA

      This is great, this made my night. I can see it now, the deer decide to cross when cars are coming and cause an accident. They then do a little hoof shake like the squirrels on the older insurance commercial after causing an accident. We may need to fight back haha!

    • lundmusik profile imageAUTHOR

      lundmusik 

      9 years ago from Tucson AZ

      thanks,, i've hit Fallen Rock a number of times,,, doesn't see to phase him, so I just drive on.

      thanks for your comments!!!!

    • tsadjatko profile image

      The Logician 

      9 years ago from now on

      I just love it, ROADMEAL lol!!! I put it on SU (stumble upon) watch your views start going up! I wonder what they are going to do about the missing Indian, Fallen Rock. Evidently they have never found him because I see road signs, "Lookout for Fallen Rock" all the time.

    • tlmcgaa70 profile image

      tlmcgaa70 

      9 years ago from south dakota, usa

      hahaha, i can just picture it...cares stopped at the lights and deer grazing near the motion sensors causing them to signal motorists to stop...only the deer have no intention of crossing...just eating their dinner and laughing at the humans.

    • lundmusik profile imageAUTHOR

      lundmusik 

      9 years ago from Tucson AZ

      yes indeed,, with orange warning lights 100 yards up the road for the motorists.....thanks for your review

    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 

      9 years ago from California Gold Country

      I think they need to put up motion activated stop lights at the crossings.

    • lundmusik profile imageAUTHOR

      lundmusik 

      9 years ago from Tucson AZ

      thank you deborah; our national effort is greatly assisted by your thoughtful comment.

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Reno 

      9 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Obtuse and tangential, in a humorous way.

      Namaste.

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