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Welcome to: Horses versus Mules

Updated on June 6, 2012

The majestic horse runs like the wind

sadly, that may be his only legacy.
sadly, that may be his only legacy.

Horse and Mule fans, "it's on"

The ageless, and many times useless, debate, "Which Came First, the Chicken or The Egg?" has been argued by numerous people, smart and simple and never arriving at an answer that will satisfy everyone.

So has this argument, "Which Is Smarter, a Horse or a Mule?" And it is equally-pointless when debated by people of high-intellect or like me, just know enough to keep our heads out of the fire.

Horse? Mule? Personally, I couldn't care less which is smarter. I love both animals, but I lean toward the mule for they are seemingly more humble than a thoroughbred who wins races with the ease of walking from his stable to the track. And "some" winning horses act so superior to their "country cousins," the mules.

I am not trying to start a heated-argument. If you tell me that a horse is smarter and able to perform more tasks than a mule, fine. You won't read any disagreement from me. Or if you state that a mule has more sense than a horse, so be it. Again, no disagreement from me. I like a peaceful atmosphere too much to waste valuable breath on a subject that has no fulfilling end.

But just as an item of personal interest, I have complied a list of "10 Things That a Horse Cannot Do," and for fair-play, and equal time, a list of "10 Things That a Mule Cannot Do," so we can still take sides and not have any knock-down, drag-out brawls.

For our fans of the mule, here are my

"10 Things That a Horse Cannot Do,"

  • Take night classes in order to become a notary public.
  • Salsa dancing.
  • Drive a motor vehicle.
  • Mail a letter at the post office.
  • Sing a lullaby to a baby.
  • Do impressions of Jay Leno, Steve Martin and David Letterman.
  • Fly first-class aboard American Airlines.
  • Fly "coach" aboard American Airlines.
  • Babysit your little nieces and nephews.
  • Be a guest on a morning talk radio station.

"10 Things That a Mule Cannot Do"

  • Eat with silverware.
  • Play Santa at your yearly Christmas get-together.
  • Write a story for HubPages.
  • Make a graduation address at West Point.
  • Meet with President Obama on personal business.
  • Go shopping with your girlfriend.
  • Throw out the first pitch at the 2012 World Series.
  • Sing the National Anthem at the 2012 Super Bowl in Indianapolis.
  • Appear as a guest on the Rachel Ray Show.
  • Do a hilarious stand-up comedy routine at the Improv in New York City.

Now, here are "5 Things That a Horse Can Do"

  • Run like the wind.
  • Eat like a horse.
  • Neigh as a way of laughing at you.
  • Kick your butt for using spurs in his side.
  • Pull a wagon if his friend, the mule, has called in sick.

And finally, "5 Things That a Mule Can Do"

  • Act stubborn.
  • Pull a plow or wagon.
  • Never have the pressure of winning (any) Kentucky Derby.
  • Always loved by area children.
  • Sleep soundly for doing a good day's work.

"5 Places You Will Never See a Horse"

  • The mall.
  • In the men's room.
  • Filling station.
  • At the bar looking for girls.
  • In a dusty field pulling a plow.

"5 Places You Will Never See a Mule"

  • A disco.
  • Used car lot.
  • Doctor's waiting room.
  • In Jay Leno's studio audience.
  • On a track running his guts out to win for his greedy owner.

I think that I have made my point without a lot of "horsing around."

Until next time, "Giddy-up."

The noble mule in his own domain

humbly helps provide his owners a well-plowed field, and able to move wagons with heavy loads.
humbly helps provide his owners a well-plowed field, and able to move wagons with heavy loads.

Comments

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    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      6 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, catgypsy,

      you made my day. Again. And what can I say but "thank you," for your true confession about horses and mules. Oh, another thing: Mules make great yard pets. But not as "House Mules," like Festus, the housecat.

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      6 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hello, Dear Susan,

      Yes, Francis is the one mule that I couldn't remember. Of course, Mr. Ed, he was a hoot to watch. Hey, if I should stumble upon a real talking mule and score a ton of money, may I take YOU and ALL OF MY FOLLOWERS LIST out to dinner, say in Hawaii for two weeks???

      Id love to see your faces.

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      6 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hi, Angela and thank you for your super-kind comment. I appreciate you taking time to read/share this hub. I agree with you, mules are a bit smoother to ride, but when they do not want you on their backs, they have a rude way to telling you . . .kicking up and down until you fly off like a poor housefly with no judgement.

      Thanks again, Angela.

      Kenneth

    • kenneth avery profile imageAUTHOR

      Kenneth Avery 

      6 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      ThoughtSandwiches . . .Im with you on the class-action lawsuit against American Airlines. Hey, I also heard that this airline will NOT hire mules as pilots either! Lets call Affirmative Action in on this.

      And that disco, did it have running cold beer fountains with Christmas lights??? Just wondering.

      Thanks for helping me with my appreciation of animals.

      Kenneth

    • catgypsy profile image

      catgypsy 

      6 years ago from the South

      Love this! They are both wonderful and have their own strengths and weaknesses, like all of us! Such a cute article, Kenneth!

    • profile image

      Sueswan 

      6 years ago

      Hi Kenneth,

      Too funny my friend. I thought of Francis the talking mule while I was reading this hub.

      Voted up up and away!

      Take care :)

    • Angela Brummer profile image

      Angela Brummer 

      6 years ago from Lincoln, Nebraska

      This is great! You won article of the month if I could pick. I love them both also. Mules seem to me to be smoother rides and smarter but, they also can be much more stubborn. I am so glad I didn't have to choose! I will share this!

    • ThoughtSandwiches profile image

      ThoughtSandwiches 

      6 years ago from Reno, Nevada

      Kenneth,

      First things first...I believe we need to organize a class-action suit against American Airlines for what appears to be discriminatory practices as regards horses.

      I'm sorry to say that I once saw a donkey in a disco in Tijuana. Yes, you are imagining the correct scenario. Are donkeys and mules the same? I would be a city boy...

      Great Job good sir!

      Thomas

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