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What Our Dogs Must Think Of Us
Did you ever wonder what your Dog thinks of you? Does he or she think you may have a screw loose, not be too tightly wrapped, or even be a few sandwiches short of a picnic. As human beings we live very odd lives in the eyes of our K9 companions. In our society we have laws that dictate many of the things we do in several aspects of our lives and even though we human beings never even think twice about these things we do on an everyday basis they must seem completely insane to our Pets. Just imagine, when you take Scruffy for a ride and the two of you are rolling down the road enjoying the scenery his head is out the window and then you come up to a red light and stop. What is he thinking at that moment? "Hey are we there"? This doesn't look like the park, where are all the trees? Where are all the birds? And where are all the other Dogs? Hey where the hell are we this doesn't look familiar at all"! But he is a Dog so it really doesn't bother him where you guys are he is just happy to be out of the house. So he looks around and starts to take mental notes as to what he is going to piss on first, only the best things first after all your Dog only has a limited amount of pee in him so the best shit gets the most pee Let's face it after a while they run out of pee and he or she is just going through the motions, who knows maybe they keep on peeing on stuff because they think the walk is over when the pee runs out. So they just keep it up for appearances and milk each outing to the fullest.
But just then the light turns green and you start moving again and boom his head goes back out the window and the tongue back out of his mouth and he simply discards all of his previous pissing plans. Dogs know something we don't when it comes to holding their heads out the window, they know it gets you high I strongly advise that you try it one day. Onward you drive and you get a couple more miles down the road and your phone rings so you answer and begin a conversation with the caller. Now your Dog must be thinking OK there he goes talking to himself again. "It's funny I always know when he is about go into one of those conversations with himself because I swear I hear a bell go off just before he does, freaking weird".
Eventually you end your conversation on the phone, usually with a "don't ever call this number again I'll pay you when I get it"! As you go on your merry way you pass one or two parks that your Dog stares at as you go by. He doesn't understand why the two of you haven't gone to them yet, but he doesn't know that some pretentious bureaucrats have dubbed them "No Dogs Allowed" parks and you probably shouldn't tell him that since Dogs would never do that to humans for the simple fact that Dogs are better people than us.
So you get to the Dog friendly park and go to let him out but he is already so excited that he practically knocks you out the door when you open it, maybe all that thinking about pissing made him really have to go. You and your best friend walking through the woods, life just doesn't get any better than this. He is sniffing and peeing on everything and you are enjoying watching him run. Does your Dog wonder why you seem to be satisfied just peeing once in the woods instead of 85 times like he does or does he think that one pee must be nirvana for you and find joy in that notion. Now your Dog being the free spirit he is between his sniffing and peeing tries to kill every living thing he runs across. "Hey what's that a squirrel? I'm going to kill that rodent, oh snap a chip monk I love them they taste like chicken"! So you yell at him and ask him not to kill anything today and to just enjoy the woods. You can chase them a little and scare the heck out of them but don't kill them for God's sake. "Yes Scruffy that means birds too. What's that? Sure you can pee on them if you want but that's it no killing them please".
After an hour or two you make your way back to the car and the two of you head back down the road and decide to make a quick stop at MC D's. When you pick up your order does your Dog think "My God my dad has a lot of friends and they always just give him food out the window! Well he is a great guy so I can understand it. But what I don't understand is what happened to the don't kill anything rule he was enforcing on me not ten minutes ago? Oh well never mind, let's eat"! Down the road again eating a burger and fries and every time you throw him a fry he looks at you as if to say,"ha ha, very funny now give me a bite of that burger dam it"!
After you two gobble down all the food in roughly 7 seconds it's head back out the window again but it has become a little chilly and you want to put the window up a so you pull his head in and hit the window up button. Do you think he believes you are magic? I mean this concept of automatic windows is deep for a Dog. This is just another thing your Dog looks up to you for and thinks you are the greatest thing since sliced bread, and believe me you he loves sliced bread, he thinks it's the greatest thing since you.
Several hours have passed on your outing but when you pull in the driveway your Dog has no idea how long the two of you have been gone because Dogs don't have any concept of time, supposedly. But he is very content as he looks back on the day's events and happily heads inside and plops himself down in his favorite spot on the couch for a power chill. You make it inside tired as well and lay down right next to him to take a short nap. He looks up you with adoring eyes and gives you a big wet tongue kiss just to let you know what he truly thinks about you, he Loves you deeply and unconditionally. And no sooner do you close your eyes and he lets a fart rip and when you get a whiff of it you pop your head up and look at him and say "Oh my God Scruff", and at that very moment you could swear that just for a second he smiled at you as if to say "Gottcha"!