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Why I Almost Bit My Vet Instead Of My Cat Doing It!

Updated on May 28, 2009

Look, I understand that if you’re going to be a responsible pet owner that there is more expense involved besides simply replacing scratched furniture and spending your life rolling away the fur that will never be completely gone and yet in some sort of hellish feeble attempt you roll, rip the sticky sheet, roll, rip and repeat more times than you care to remember. On the whole the two stray cats we took in five years ago have provided hours of entertainment, a focus when we needed to focus on something other than one another and warmth on a cold winter’s night. We love them and they love us. So recently when the male cat showed a furless spot it was only a matter of a couple of days before it had not only become a bald spot (I thought he was just turning into me to be honest) but it was an actual lump filled with fluid that could only be infection. So it was off to the vet at 8am on Memorial Day where after a few shots and delivery of the bill I almost bit my vet instead of my cat doing it! – Don’t Get Me Started!

My cat is not unlike me in the fact that he is not quiet about anything and is constantly running his mouth. We’ll often find him in the bathtub listening to the sound of his voice reverberate off the porcelain walls. (Of course sometimes he does this in an attempt to lure his sister into the bathroom for a “surprise” attack – to which she is never surprised) He was named after the male love interest in the musical, Wicked, “Fiyero” is a name I find myself saying so many times in a row that it’s lost all meaning. While I’m not one of those, “Look at our children” people when talking about our cats, I do have to say that I think we’re some damn good animal parents and would be excellent with kids now that we’ve had a dry run with the cats.

The good news was that the drive to the vet’s office was not that long but the piercing “MEOOOOOOOOOOO!” (our cat doesn’t “Meow” as much as he wants to be noticed and kvetch like the good Jewish boy he is, “MEOOOOOO” – a combination of “Me” and “Oh” as in “Oh, you wouldn’t even begin to want to know what I’m going through here but I wouldn’t wish it on you so I’ll just continue to suffer. Can you hear the suffering??”) The noises coming from the carrier did not end when we got into the vet’s office. The good news was that they didn’t want him and his actual caterwauling in the lobby of the office so it got us right into an exam room. Of course before we were taken back a woman with a basset hound who seemed curious as to what the noise was all about looked down at her dog and said, “You don’t want to go over there, it’s a nasty cat.” I almost shoved my foot so far up this woman’s ass that we would have to go to an exam room to get it out but for once, for the sake of all involved, I went quietly to the exam room and just glared at the bitch hoping she would catch swine flu from her nastiness and inability to push back from the table.

The vet came in and I gave him the run down. He assured me it just needed to be cut open and drained. I don’t know about you but I can’t think of anytime when someone tells me about cutting open and draining that it doesn’t drain me a little too. So off my yowling pet went and I went to the lobby where God had worked in a mysterious way and gotten rid of the basset hound bitch (and the dog bitch too). I assured the woman at the front desk that if he required a “cone” for his head that we all ready had one from a prior incident. I’m not sure if I was doing this to make conversation or just trying to save some money on the bill…okay, we all know it was the latter.

They brought my carrier back with a cat who was beside himself. He was so worked up that he couldn’t shut his mouth and like a kid who is crying and can’t quite catch their breath so they speak in halted sentences so was what my cat was trying to tell me. In retrospect I think he was trying to warn me about the bill. So for ten minutes, cutting open, draining and some yearly shots that were needed, the total came to $223! I was less than amused and I was suddenly thankful I had insurance for me but was angry once more that I had never gotten the insurance on the cats. Curse me and my being kitty wise and cat foolish! I immediately asked for an itemized bill. The office “visit” was $40. Now I don’t know why or what reason there would be for a fee to walk through the door but apparently there is one which is separate from the actual examination fee of $30 or something. Apparently it costs more to visit than to be seen by an actual doctor. I can assure you there was no “visiting” going on in the lobby for that five minutes, my cat didn’t pee, poop or wreck anything so explain to me where that $40 is going or why there’s even a charge for the visit? The “procedure” was $60 and there were a bunch of other charges including the ointment and liquid Amoxicillin for another $40 or so plus fees for the other shots, etc. As I walked out with my screaming cat I wanted to scream myself but resisted the urge.

And so it has begun. The good news is that he doesn’t need to wear a cone, the bad news is that he needs ointment on the incision and liquid shot into his mouth twice a day. I’m sure it was from the trauma of all of it but after bringing him home the cat just walked about looking as if his entire world had changed and he didn’t know where he was or who he was. He stared at blank walls, looked pitifully at me and after the first dose of medicine, the throwing up began. Lovely. I know that I shouldn’t blame the vet but as I care for my cat and try to rid the carpet of the vomit all the while thinking of the bill I can’t help but feel  I almost bit my vet instead of my cat doing it! – Don’t Get Me Started!

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